Snowflakes

On FetLife, it seems that there have been lots of people shooting down everyone else. It's a fact, people are generally intolerant of others whenever they are not forced together because of outside pressure.

That in itself doesn't bother me. What bothers me are new members of the lifestyle, the kink, who are just entering adulthood (the age of consent), who act as if they know everything there is to know, and shoot down people who have been living the lifestyle for years.

i entered my relationship with my Master before i was 18. When i was 18, i consented to a D/s dynamic, which led to my consent of an M/s dynamic. But i never presumed that i knew everything. i knew i wanted to know more, i knew how we were working our relationship, but i didn't make the presumption that everybody did it one way. i was fascinated by the differences, and at times, envious of them. But what Master and i do works for us, we've always adjusted it to work for us.

We're all different, and folks who are new to the lifestyle would do well to remember that there isn't a relationship (kink or vanilla) anywhere that is exactly the same as any other.

Some More Worthy Questions...

Here are some more questions by Florida Dom.

You said you made her beg to cum.
Do you usually allow her to cum when she begs? And how often do you allow her to cum?

Yes, the rule is that she must beg for permission to cum. I don't always let her cum when she does. Many times I'll make her wait five, ten, maybe even fifteen or thirty minutes, teetering on the brink before I'll let her. Sometimes I'll give her a choice between something she really wanted, say being allowed to see while I fuck her or giving me kisses or the like, and cumming.

Like everything in her life, it is a privilege to cum, not a right and she had better beg for it and show some serious gratitude following. I allow her to come quite often as she is multi-orgasmic. An average number of orgasms for her is about six or seven times per fucking. She wanted me to mention that our current record is twenty-one orgasms in a day for her. I like that number.

And you said she's not a willing slave, she said she's a dominated one. How does she show you she's not a willing slave? Does she make you force her to do things?

As for this question, it does boil down to a matter of semantics. We define a submissive as an individual who willingly submits, choosing to obey the wishes of the dominant. If they decide they don't want to do something, they don't have to because they are not bound to their Dom's word like a slave is. Basically the difference for us between a submissive and a slave is that a submissive ultimately has choice and the slave doesn't. Even if it's something they're afraid of or down right, positively don't want to do, a slave has no choice and must do as they are instructed by their owners.

Anyway, that definition aside, when it comes to my girl, she does not identify as a submissive. It isn't that she has an inherent and self motivated need to obey, its that she has a deep seeded and unyielding desire to be forced to obey. It might be a subtle difference to some, but its how we view it.

A good example can be seen in some of the more recent pictures on our Fetlife profile. Earlier that evening I had told her to come over and lick my feet before I went to work. She has a problem with feet, she thinks they are funny looking. She grumbled, slowly meandered over, and barely flicked her tongue over the top of one foot before running off to return to whatever she was doing.

Okay, I thought and went to work. But while I was there I devised her punishment and when I came home at around 2:00 am, I set to work on my devices. I prepared the ring gag, readied a plastic zip tie, pulled out the chain leash, retrieved the riding crop, and pulled my sweaty socks off, all in anticipation of her torment. I clipped the leash to her chain and dragged her out of bed, a rude awakening to be sure. She fell to her hands and knees and I pulled her along to the office. There I tied on the ring gag, bound her hands and shoved her head down to my feet. I then lay a few heavy crop swats across her ass and ordered her to lick.

She was groggy, had cotton mouth, bleary eyed, and had two welts rising on her ass, but still she stuck out her tongue and got to work like a good slave. She gave me a complete tongue bath on both feet up to the ankles, suckling each toe as best she could before I put her on her knees and jacked off into her mouth. Finally I sent her to bed, a happy slave with a mouthful of cum and a stinging backside.
Were she more submissive in character, she would have been more thorough the first time, not having needed the punishment to do it right. At least by our definition and my standards.

I hope that helps to give a better view into our dynamic. Thanks for the questions, keep them coming...

Worthy Questions...

Florida Dom, who has been a long time supporter of our blog, responded to my more recent request for comments. Here are the questions he had.

You talked last summer about pumping her breasts last summer. Are you still doing it? If not, why did you stop?

- I still have her pumping her breasts. It has, like many things, taken something of a back seat to her schooling and our son, but it is something that I still have her doing. The results of the pumping were quite nice; big, plump breasts very near to lactating. The idea of using a bit of slave creamer in my tea was quite enticing. Sadly, the pumping come too far between to allow for the steady production of milk to hold. However, her breasts are still plump and have, I feel, firmed up a bit from her pregnancy and still look killer in a tight breast bondage.


And what rules do you have in place for her and does she follow them?

- We have a great many rules for her. Many of which we have discussed here previously and sometimes at length. Some are universal; she is not allowed any furniture, she must ask permission before eating, using the restroom, cumming, etc. Some are maybe more personal and individual like; how she is expected to beg for permission to cum, how I expect her to serve me food or drink, that she wait for my approval to eat in the presence of company by a nod or pointing, that she will only eat what I tell her to when we eat out or that I'll order for her.

Some of the more recent ones perhaps, and I intend to do a blog about some of these here soon, involve the computer and social networks. She is allowed to go onto facebook and twitter and of course Fetlife, and if I am not home or available for some reason she may play and the like as she can. However, she is not allowed to do anything that has lasting effects, for instance she may not join new networks without direct permission, she may not add friends without permission, join groups, send direct messages, etc. If she is chatting with someone when I return home, she is to stop, come greet me and ask to continue.

As to whether she follows them or not, she damn well better. She knows what happens when she doesn't! She is what is called a SAS, a smart ass slave. She doesn't identify herself as a submissive, someone who willingly follows my every wish. She has to be forced, she needs to have the power taken from her, to be dominated and controlled. There are some parallels, but the reality is that she is not a willing submissive, she is a dominated slave.

These are just a very few rules that she has but I hope it give a deeper view of our dynamic.

And how often do you do scenes with her?

- We scene when ever we can. I work nights, she goes to college in the day, and we have a full time baby boy nipping at our heals. Time is in great demand. We do scene more than we have a chance to mention here or post pictures on Fetlife. But not nearly as much as we would like to sadly.

And the idea of doing video things is a good one. I hope you go forward with that.

- And we will, I've brushed the dust off my audio recording and mixing software and we have rather good screen capture and web camera capabilities. I hope to have a video blog by the end of the month for her and an audio blog for me by next week. We'll see how that goes though. Fingers crossed.

Well those are the questions that he had posted for us. I hope that sheds some light on things and that there will be more comments and questions to come in the future. Thanks again, dear reader...

Just a Note to Our Dear Readers...

To our dear readers, we love comments and only rarely seem to get a few of them. Give us your feed back, your questions, I can't promise that we'll always get back in a timely manner but that's life with us. However give us what you got and we'll do our best to address them. If there has been a question that we haven't answered, feel free to ask it again, maybe we missed it somewhere.

Again, we're just about to delve into audio and video blogs here on RDR and would like to hear from you guys what you think about that too. So come on, don't be shy...

Peculiar Fetishes...

Good evening to you all. I find myself in a remarkably cheery mood. Why, you might ask. Why has this sullen and sardonic individual suddenly become so up lifted? The answer is simple. Sleep deprivation. And yet I am unable to bring myself to go to bed. Instead I shall while away the hours chatting to you, dear reader.

So I would very much like to discuss a couple of odd fetishes that I have discovered or come to recognize. I doubt very much that I could find these upon the fetish lists on Fetlife.

One that has come to my attention is the near sexual glee that rises in me when I hear the sound of bullets whizzing by. I'm a gamer and love Left 4 Dead and there are a number of times when my compatriots mow down a wave of undead rushing at me. This allows for the sound effect of bullets passing by. Bullets in general I think, the flash of tracer rounds does the same thing for me. Playing star fighter games, such as Jedi Star Fighter on the PS2, as blaster bolts flash over the hull of my player's ship I get an equivalent thrill. I don't get the same feel at all from bullet wounds, as I know of that fetish. I find no interest in the shooting death of a beautiful woman as I have seen advertised in a number of morbid porn productions. It is the sight and sound of the ballistics that entice me.

Another that I have come upon recently is the connection, I suppose is the right way to put it, when hearing the voice of someone I've only seen in pictures or in reading their posts. For instance, the other day I came upon Jake's kajira Emma's youtube blog, and by came upon I mean linked over from her Fetlife post. It was the first time I was able to hear her voice and I must say that I was very curious as to what she might sound like. At the same time I came upon two other video blogs of young ladies, one discussing her online enslavement and the other providing something of a beginners guide to BDSM. I must say that listening to their voices as opposed to reading their words was quite pleasant. I also suppose that it is the curiosity of what they might sound like that is really the focus for this fetish, and it is one that is peculiar to me.

Those two are the ones that stand out and both are something of a surprise to me. I would not have expected that they border so strongly on the line of sexual thrill, but there it is...

Symmetry of Semantics...

I would like to talk now about semantics. It is interesting to me that so much of our world is divided by the semantics of people. Where a topic has a specific definition to be found in the dictionary, there also is the personal definition of a group of people to be considered. I find semantics to be a vital yet smaller part of self identity, it is how we personally find distinctions unique to us within a larger community view. However, when these subtle differences become the fuel for personal attacks and constant bickering, as is so often the case on Fetlife, they become mindless and superfluous.

One of the easiest to pick on would be the distinctions of the terms Master or slave. Everyone in our community seems to have different views on what these two terms actually encompass. Some are of the view that a Master is someone who has spend some specific yet arbitrary amount of time into the study of some facet of BDSM. Others believe that a person can only hold the title of Master if another Master in the community grants them the title, a very old world Greek Scholar approach. Then there are those, such as myself, that believe a Master is the title one takes when they collar a slave. As human beings, we all grow and evolve, learn and develop, and as such it seems needless to reserve the title of Master purely for the esoteric elite in the community.

So too with the title of slave, there are a great many different definitions and views on what a slave is that it becomes somewhat dizzying. I personally define a slave as a collared and possessed individual. I believe consensual slavery to be the personal acceptance of slavery and ownership of another person over one's self. They freely and willingly commit themselves to being owned property of the Master, and as such give up their right to decide from that point on. It is not something that should be done lightly in my mind, for it is binding. The contract, if one is used, can be for some specific amount of time such as a year or in our case as we are married, a life time.

It puzzles me some that our community, and I speak here of the window into our community that Fetlife specifically provides, would be so divided at times as to border on dichotomy. Kaya, from Under His Hand, not to long ago posted on Fetlife, and I'm paraphrasing here, why should the BDSM community at large be any more tolerant than any other community? This got me thinking. The old guard system of BDSM, which basically founded the principles of the Leather Community, was very specific and strict. It was their way or the high way in essence.

Now that the world of BDSM has become something of a subculture, and a widely accepted one at that, the old rules no long hold as much dominion as they once did. People practice as they wish to practice, which is fine an grand, but what is truly amusing to me is the idea that our once very tight and nearly ritualized world of BDSM has become as fractured as the Christian faith.

The old notion that people band together when they have something larger to fight seems to be very pertinent to our community. As long as BDSM was under attack from the moral right, the members of the community celebrated the opportunities to come together and share their arts. Now that this attack has subsided largely, people seem to get together more and more to fight amongst themselves about the differences of their craft. Like the Christian faith historically, while they were persecuted, it was unified, but when it became widely accepted, smaller camps of the faith, baptists, protestants, Lutherans, etc. began to break away from the main faith to establish their own little specific faiths. And please understand that I am not attacking the Christian faith at this time, but their historic example runs a parallel in my mind to the apparent and continued fracturing of the BDSM community.

Now, is it necessarily a bad thing that the community as a whole has been so largely accepted by the normal world? Not even remotely. If the only thing holding the people together to begin with was the crushing pressure of outside criticism, then like the fall of Communism and the splintering of eastern Europe, people will find smaller things to bicker about and this will result in people going their own way.

So often I hear about or see arguments taking place on Fetlife that are petty little semantic disagreements. Safe words, titles, legal issues, whether a slave is truly property or not. It seems to me that the only response one can make in most of the threads anymore is that somethings don't work for everyone and that it is up to each person to find what works for them. That is it, because how can one argue legitimately the righteousness of an opinion?

It is nearly staggering to me how quickly the opportunity for community involvement provided by sites like Fetlife degenerate so quickly and completely into line in the sand type battlefields. Do I feel that the BDSM community should be more tolerant and accepting than other communities? Yes I do, for no better reasons than the fact that our sub-society encompasses so diverse a population and because our new found acceptance and popularity in normal society is still relatively new and as such we should not be as jaded as we seem.

All of that being said, perhaps the level of acceptance that is needed is purely to accept that what works for one person does not necessarily work for someone else and that there is nothing wrong with that. For instance, I don't hold with cross-dressing, it affronts me personally. Does that mean that I should shun the person who gets off on it? No, I don't believe so. At worst I believe that I would avoid the situation to the best of my ability and if confronted with it, tolerate as much as is realistic. I would not tolerate the cross-dressing individual trying to get me in drag but that is no different in my mind than someone trying to pick my pocket or cutting me off, at that point it is intended to be an affront and therefore is intolerable.

As a more real world and practical example, I loath gum. I hate it with every fiber of my being. A sickening chill runs through me at the very thought of it. Yet it is such a prevalent part of everyday society that I cannot help but run afoul of it. I would certainly like to shun the individuals who so inconsiderately smack their disgusting substance near me, but would that even remotely seem practical? To them I would appear to be an unreasonable freak with issues because of my very real and strong dislike. Why is it then that such similar behavior should be defended or even applauded when it comes to the bickering I see on Fetlife or other such places?

At any rate, I realize the subtle irony of making a semantic argument about semantic arguments. And you, dear reader, are as always welcome to take it or leave it as the case may be. Just know that whatever view you may take on any issue, there is likely to be at least one and probably more differing views to the one you choose, and as they are opinions based upon personal values and judgments, none are more correct or more worthy than the others. They are what they are, simply that and no more just like the people who cling to them.

Thank you, dear reader, and good night...

Up and Coming....

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A Note on Families

Recent events bring to light a thought that has long troubled my mind. What part does family play in this life we choose to lead? Becoming a slave or even a Master does not absolve oneself from ones lineage. Those inescapable ties that while loose and conforming can ensnare one so completely with the slightest of effort. A true jealousy to any proclaimed rope Master.

Yes, it is this bond of family that I speak of now and that indeed has once again impressed itself so wholly upon my property that her heart grows heavy with worry and concern. It is curious to see the years of training and conditioning flutter so insignificantly next to the weight of that concern. Despite the nature of the troubles, of which I'll not utter here, suffice it to say that it is an issue that I'm sure is no stranger to the whole world of families.

The issue I wish to discuss here is the very notion of family and how that bond effects a Master/slave relationship. As we are all very aware, a slave is no less human than the next person, with the same wants, needs, desires. Much like a nun accepting the habit, they simply choose a different way of living, swearing their love and allegiance to something or someone else. And as I mentioned above, accepting the collar does not make one less someone's son or daughter. So how do we deal with this? Do some simply run away from family, ignoring their calls and living their own life as their Master's see fit? Do they pretend that their lives are no different from anyone else, keeping their darker desires secret and hidden from family? Do they come out, hoping for the love and understanding of their families?

I'm sure all are ways that people choose to deal with the issue of family. I myself have no strong attachments to family and no claim to fatherly or motherly intrusion. I find my interest in family to be a close one, involving only my slave and my child as the family I concern myself with. This works for me in a way that I am sure it would not for others. As indeed it does not work well for my slave who is by her nature deeply invested in her family. What if they find out and are disapproving? Would they ostracize their daughter? Certainly we have all heard of that happening to someone at some point. Would they demand a separation, pending upon divorce? Certainly they wouldn't be able to legally insist, but again those ties to family run so bloody deep. Could you handle it if your mother thought you a monster?

I have also put a lot of thought into this question when it comes to the notion of adding a second slave to the dynamic. How would their family impact our relationship or my ownership? What level of family interested should I look for in a slave? Is it at all feasible that I might get a knock on my door from a disgruntled father looking to drag his twenty something little girl back home kicking and screaming? Even more disturbing, should I one day find the father of my slave patting my back complimenting me on my whipping technique demonstrated on his daughter's ass?

How do you handle this? How does it work for you? I admit a great deal of interest in how others deal with the question of family. Are they any couples out there that come from lifestyle families? How about multiple slave households, how does family play a part? Please share...

iFail

There is no way that i can truly explain my sorrow and regret about my recent behavior. Though Master is gracious enough to allow me to go to college, in the hope that in doing so He can make our lives better, i should always, first and foremost, before all other things, be sure that i am behaving as He expects His slave, His property, to behave.

The attitude of entitlement that made it's way into my behavior must be quashed. Just because i think something else should come first doesn't mean that Master agrees. Most important, before all other things, is to be what He desires me to be, and that, is to be pliant to His will.

When Master tied me the other day, i should have done my best to simply sink into it, to be present in that moment, to relish the simplicity of it. Instead, i fussed, attempted to do other things, and complain about Master's use of “my” time.

Truly, i want the simplicity of those moments, but i fight against them so often, i am sure that Master has difficulty accepting that what i say is the truth. But, despite all my fussing, my seeming inability to behave, i need the reminders that i am His, down to every moment of my day. There is no time that belongs to me. There is nothing that allows me to decide independently how to spend my time when i am with Him. Even when He isn't with me, i should remember that i live for Him, every moment and every breath is something that i gave to Him. They are His, as completely as i am.

i am sorry that i have had such trouble sinking into my slavery lately. i am sorry that Master seems to have to fight me at every turn. i am sorry that i forget how totally i belong to my Master.

i am sorry, Master. i will try to do better.

Stolen time

We've been terrible about posting.

And, though we've still gone about our business, been who we are, there hasn't been a lot of time for us to run our kinks in the foreground of our lives. Sad! There are still the subtleties of our Master and slave dynamic, but we haven't had an opportunity to really scene for a while. This is, of course, taking its toll on both of us. Probably Master more than i.

But i miss that simplicity. While me going back to school for a new career makes financial sense for us, it's really hard for Master because i have so much homework, Master feels that i have been stolen from Him. Or at least the time i have has been subverted. It's a bitter cup to know that Master can't simply do everything He wishes, to put me at His feet, to confine me from the world because of this change.

i want that back. i do. i want to know that every second of my time is truly Master's. That there are no draws on my time that aren't what He wants from me.

But, because we are who we are, no matter how many different angles we look at our situation from, it seems our best choices, for our sanity, to succeed as who we want to be, all involve something taking my time away from Master.

Coming to terms with these things has been difficult for both of us. Master at least seems to be paying attention to these turmoils within Himself, recognizing how it is effecting Him. On the other hand, i seem to be shutting down parts of myself, entering another period of self-denial. i attempt to ignore the aspects of myself that cry out for Master to dominate me, to crush me beneath His heel. (Fail, at that, btw, for even subconsciously, i'm putting myself beneath the tread of His boots.)

Everything about our lives has been a steady stream of change for the last four years, if not the bulk of our 11 years together. Things are in constant flux, and we have found our way through most of it as Master and slave, but it has not been easy, nor has it been a clear road. We can only hope that through this next period of change we will hold tightly to the thing that has continuously brought us closer together, that is, being Master and slave, as we move through this change.

Thankfully, the semester is nearly over, so there will be some time that there will be no subversions of the time that belongs to Master.