i should have written this post sooner. Though the details wouldn't have been much clearer if i had written this post earlier, either.
Over on FetLife, in Master's videos, you'll find a short clip of our most recent play (though some people may not be inclined to watch!). Master and i engage in a lot of rough play which involves my breath, or lack of. The newest example over there (which is the only place we are going to post videos of our scenes for the time being) is water-play, specifically dunking. We have been waiting for the opportunity to do this for some time, and were relieved when the opportunity came.
Well. He was relieved. i was not, though i looked forward to it until the time actually came. Water play is a difficult thing for me, and once we begin setting it up, i find myself slightly uncooperative, flustered and fearful. Once the scene is complete, i will be shivering, cold, loopy and utterly happy, as before and after it happens i have ridiculously long, drawn out fantasies about it. i adored kink.com's "Waterbondage" though it made me shiver with fear. Maybe that's why i adored it.
See? This post isn't very fluid, and i probably won't edit it to be more fluid, because this is the way i feel about water play, disjointed, unsure if i love it or hate it, hate it because i love it or love it because i hate it...or all of the above...
Regardless, we prepped the room, and into the tub i went, where Master fought with wet rope to bind my legs and arms behind me. i tried to remain as calm as possible as He bound me there, shivering from the fear and the cold. Several times, i thought i asked Him to make the ropes looser, but my addled brain didn't form the words the way i intended...instead, they came as frustrated demands. Master moved us through my fear and frustration, and soon, the fear had left, but a paralyzing panic rose in me as the (thankfully, warm) water rose.
There is nothing like it. Trying to move beyond the panic and absorb every moment for what it is worth, while Master has me utterly at His mercy, water creeping into my nose, my mouth, while His hands may trace lazily over my skin, beneath and above the water. Until that moment comes where His hands loose all their tenderness and my head is shoved roughly under the water. Sometimes He counts while He holds me under. Sometimes He doesn't. Mostly He suggests i breathe before He puts me under. Sometimes that warning comes only half-a-breath before He shoves me under.
The water becomes cold far before He is really ready to be done forcing my head beneath the water, to watch me struggle for composure in my panic, to watch my body twist anyway, to hear my pathetic gasps for air when my head breaks the surface of the water... And even though i am cold and shivering, i always wonder if "one more time" will come after the last "one more time," how long He'll keep me there, shivering, gasping. Sometimes, i think i hope He'll just add more water. Sometimes, i'm terrified that He might keep torturing me, there, in the tub. i think this last time, it was equal parts of both. i wanted Him to be done dunking me, but i wanted Him to say "one last time" a few more times...i wanted a little more terror.
And when i was wrapped in a blanket, starting to push the chill from my bones, from my heart, Master fucked my face happily, while i choked and shivered.