Random bits and bobs...

 It's been kind of quiet around here lately. i've been snuggly, Master-Reaper's been creative - always doodling, thinking about His writing, and we've been enjoying being a little geeky by watching Series 1 of the 2005 reboot of Doctor Who. And Star Wars.

There's just not enough time for everything, and well, some things are a little harder to accomplish when there's (nearly) weekly doctor's visits. i'm craving marks, and that's not really something we can indulge right now, so when we do finally get the chance to play, i know it'll be amazing, but there's going to be a little sadness because heavy play has to be put on hold until next year. All of the awesome edgy punching and kicking...it has to wait. The wait will be worth it of course, every moment. But it's kind of hard because i'm all about instant gratification lately.

We are debating on going to the Halloween party at our favorite club. Master laughed and looked at me, asking what i'd dress up as... i think i could definitely pull off pregnant Catholic school girl, and i suggested He go as the principal/teacher sort. <smirk> i was amused. i'm not sure if He was.

We'll see. There are of course, many factors in play. Real life does that. But it makes me happy and comforted when He holds my collar in the middle of the night. It's proof that i am never, ever, any less His.

Ropes & Legs

A few weeks ago, we did a rope video demo to replicate a tie one of our friends on FetLife had seen. Doing the demo was so much fun, and the bondage felt really lovely. It was an interesting process, because for the demo, Master-Reaper tied it on me once before we began recording, took it off, recorded the tie, took it off, and then tied it a third time and took a few photos. Each time, i had the same leg in the tie for about 15 to 20 minutes at a time. i was impressed by it.

The next morning, as we were lucky enough to have the house to ourselves, with munchkin on an overnight, and Master-Reaper and i snuggled for a while, lazily working our way up to getting out of bed. i was feeling playful and sly, and so when Master-Reaper wasn't looking, i took two of His purple ropes downstairs to the  living room. After He'd eaten breakfast, He noticed them, and wondered if He'd forgotten to put them away. When He looked at me, He knew they'd arrived downstairs by other means. i don't play poker for a reason.

Eventually, somehow, through flustered, hot-and-bothered communication, i suggested that the tie we'd demo'd the day before was really comfy, really awesome and i'd like to try it again, on both legs at the same time... (If Master-Reaper turns down an opportunity to play with rope, He must be an impostor.) He decided to start the tie on my foot, as opposed to the ankle, and we cinched it a bit tighter than we had for the demo. Having stripped the use of my legs from me through this tie, it really helped me find that submissive, meek head space. We had really fantastic sex on floor pillows, and then snuggled there, my legs still wrapped in rope, watching one of our favorite shows (don't ask me what, because i don't remember!). It was really lovely, to just lay there, small, helpless, bound, in His lap.

Eventually, Master-Reaper said He wanted to fuck me again, which i thought would be lovely, but i asked if we could go to His bed instead (tender knees, you know!) and He told me He wasn't going to carry me up the stairs. Being my stubborn, determined self, i crawled up the stairs. With my shins bound back against my legs, it made it incredibly challenging, as there was no leverage to push my hind end up to the next step. When we reached the landing at the 14th step, i was panting . . . and dismayed by the height of the bed. Master-Reaper laughed at me, but helped me up anyway.

After, i was incredibly sad that the bondage had to come off. But rope bondage lasting over an hour is very nearly a record for me. And it left pretty marks!

Biggest Surprise Present Ever!

Shock. Surprise. Desperation. Fear. Awe.

All feelings i experienced in the last several weeks. In the course of moments. Every day.

While i never shared the birth story of our kiddo with the kink community, it define(s)(ed) - (as i'm not sure which tense is truly correct with the new information) - my experience as a parent. The birth of our munchkin in 2007 was traumatic for me, to say the least. It wasn't the natural, beautiful, woman-hood embracing experience i'd hoped for. Hence, my hope that Master-Reaper would be satisfied with one child. He was; though both of us often looked fondly at munchkin's infancy pictures and thought of how precious those moments were, how beautiful...

(A brief interjection to comment that my first pregnancy was awesome. i knew i was pregnant before the pregnancy test, i felt pregnant, and it was awesome - i even embraced my "morning sickness" which really lasted all day, and my only significant symptom until the weeks leading to munchkin's birth.)

Four years later, and America's insistence that the only forms of birth control which are readily available without jumping through hoops is abstinence or condoms (both of which i seem to frequently have bad reactions to) led to the events that have caused my emotions to run through cartwheels.

In March, due to the county clinic being overrun and understaffed, i was unable to continue low-dose birth control pills. Because they made me feel awful anyway, i figured this would be a good opportunity to see if my body could self regulate again. (let me just say, i will freely admit that i'm an idiot sometimes.)

i didn't have a cycle that month (when i say i didn't have a cycle, i mean - possibly TMI - there were no signs of ovulation, menses etc.); so i took a pregnancy test, with a negative result. "Whew! Of course, it took Master-Reaper and i years to conceive our first child. i'm sure i'm not going to get pregnant at the drop of a hat," i thought.

i didn't have a cycle in April. i figured it was just because my back was in poor alignment. That'd happened before. i felt absolutely normal, other than my spine running along like a zig-zag.

i didn't have a cycle in May. i figured it was just the stress of finishing school and finding a new place to live more than 60 miles away from the current residence. i felt absolutely normal, other than i wanted to pull out my hair.

i didn't have a cycle in June. i was ill, had the worst fever ever, in the midst of a run of 100 degree temperature days. Our munchkin was sick too. Besides being feverish and disgusted with the flavor of water, i felt absolutely normal, and attributed the missing period to illness (that's happened to me before, after all).

i didn't have a cycle in July. i started having night sweats. i was starting to think that my experience with munchkin's delivery and the birth control had spurred a possible early onset of menopause. "That'd be nice," i thought. "i hate periods!" Beyond the night sweats, i felt absolutely normal.

August freaked me out. i felt normal, but by the last of the month, still no signs of anything remotely like a cycle. So when September arrived, i attacked it with another pregnancy test, so i could take it to a clinic and say "What is wrong with me? Do i have cancer?"

And got a Big Fat Positive.

But.

But.

i didn't feel pregnant. i didn't look pregnant.

Somewhere between late 2012 and early 2013, there will be a munchkin number 2. Master-Reaper and i are . . . Shocked. Surprised. Desperate. Fearful. Awed.

And i'm in love with the little secret, who made their presence known only after the pregnancy test, with a swift and significant jab to the ribs. It's a sneaky and resilient babe, much like its father, and has all the indications of being as healthy and perfect as munchkin number 1. While definitely unplanned, and will have an impact on how often i'm able to attend the local scene (boo), Master-Reaper and i are looking forward to welcoming munchkin number 2 into our arms...