Sunday, October 16, 2011


So. We're totally staying on top of blogging and everything. (eyeroll.)
Right now, i'm personally struggling a bit. Except for my bright spot - Master - things have been kind of hard. Things around me have kind of spiraled. i recently lost someone very close, have had bad things happening to friends, family and have felt like a complete failure as Master's property.
He keeps reiterating that these things have been beyond my control, but i can't help but feel that i'm letting Him down. It feels like years ago, when i would literally, not move for days because i was too eaten up by the darkness, the brokenness i sometimes feel. i feel pathetic, unprepared, and i feel a bit like a fool writing this in the blog (but then, we've never tried to present ourselves as a flawless painting, so i guess it isn't so out of place...).
i don't want to be this way. But grieving takes time. Realizing that i can't control the world and keep everyone safe, happy and healthy isn't going to drag me out of this, at least not all at once.
But there's no option to lay here and cry for days. There's no time for that. And even so, i feel like i'm falling flat, not keeping up with the things i need to do, other than the most basic...
But we're here. He is Master and i am property. Just not entirely functional property.