1, 2, 3 & 4 Monday

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Round Two

Or, Saturday Night

While this year is full of awesomeness, the schedule that Master and i have been living on, built by the things in our lives, has been extremely difficult. Master has borne the brunt of caring for the little person in our household, and because of school, i rarely get to spend time with either of my boys, and have the least amount of time to spend alone with Master (Whine and Whinge!). It's been very frustrating, for Master and for me.

i sometimes feel invisible (something that's been going around kinky blogs), though Master frequently acknowledges how difficult this year has been for both of us. i know He sees me, sees me struggle, and flounder and loose myself in all the things that need to be done. And worst of all, He cannot fix it, for there is rarely time for us to whisper our goodbyes and lust before we must go about life, and much less time to drop me into the pain, suffering and pleasure that is required to keep both of us level headed.

But this is my spring break. And my time again belongs wholly to Master. And it has been good. Friday night i consumed copious amounts of coffee to stay up for Him, and we had a rocking time (as you can read in His post). Last night required less coffee to find myself at His mercy, and it was an absolute delight. 

Complexities

i am far from perfect. But, even knowing that, i know that my Master loves me, even though it's not something "required" of our relationship.

Every now and then, what i see as my imperfections cause this cycle of self-depreciation. Tonight, for example - Master and i had the opportunity for a chance to play. i was strapped down, and while Master thumped implement after implement onto the bed, i had no clue what He had planned. When He started it felt like His goal was to wear my skin off through various beatings...from the thud of leather clad hands, to the obnoxious sting of a kite stick turned mini-cane or the sting of His bare hands, i squirmed and tried in vain to escape.

One of the strangest things about being me is my brain and my body are not always in agreement about what is pleasure, pain or any intermingling of the two. Master laughs at me and often ignores my brain while following the cues that my body gives Him. Meanwhile, i'm often frustrated because even though i know i've liked the sensation in the past, i'm not enjoying it in the moment, or even able to find head-space where i can at least cope with it. Tonight was one such evening. While my body was busy experiencing pleasure, my brain jumped from each impact, lurched into a myriad of emotions. When Master was satisfied with the shade of red covering His property from tits to thighs, He turned me over and began again.

And again, my brain and body didn't agree. Even though Master, throughout, had been reinforcing His satisfaction with how well i was doing by telling me i was His good girl, i didn't feel like it at that point. In fact, i was feeling horrible because every four or five impacts on my ass i had one singular thought . . . "i want to punch Him in the eye." During the percussion strikes upon my body when i wasn't concerned with getting my hand loose to punch my Owner, i alternated between guilt at thinking about attempting to hurt my Master, struggling to cope with the beating and searching for the endorphin high to fall into sync with my body's desires...

And i couldn't. i cried from the pain, but didn't achieve a cathartic release.

Master fucked me afterwards, even though i had confessed my horrible thoughts - and it was during the sex that at least a few of those lovely stress reducing tears fell from my eyes...

And i didn't punch Him in the eye at the end of it all. Instead, i'm circling this mess of emotion, wondering why i cannot keep my heart, body and mind all of one mind (snort) about what i signed up for when i accepted a life without choice.

With a sore bum.

Delirium

Yesterday did not go at all according to any sort of plan. Master woke up later than He had wanted to. The boy-child woke up sooner than i expected him to. And so the rest of the day was kind of full of unexpectedness. Master and i puttered about, He worked on painting some of His miniatures, i thought about going up to work on my own project to be near Him, but the dishes were calling and it seemed the perfect day to make homemade chicken soup (bestest homemade soup ever, Master said). So that's what we did. It was quiet, and fun, but not at all what Master had planned for the day.

As the day wound down, Master and i began to feel tired, and worried that all opportunity would escape us. The boy-child was ridiculously excited and bouncy (his birthday is coming very soon, i think that may have some influence on the recent over-excitableness), and we were holding little hope in our hearts. Suddenly, i realized it had gone quiet. As we looked into the child's room, we saw that he had tucked himself in (dawwww! Cutest thing in the world!) and gone to sleep after all.

Thanksgiving break...

And it started the right way!

Master and i had somebody watch the little person last night so that we could get some much needed alone time, and we made the most of it.

Not only did Master get some pictures taken that He had been wanting to take or some time now, but we also got to play in the tub for the first time in our new place. Of course, there also had been some marbles accumulating from mistakes on my part, and those had to be dealt with before we could get to the sex...

i'm sure Master will come talk about His table stocks, but as with all the projects He cares about, he had these finished to perfection, smooth and perfectly cut. As Master placed me in them, He asked if my knees would be okay on the floor (recent re-injury of my bad knee makes Him a bit generous with things He might not normally offer), and i believed it would be fine, so i declined His offer of a cushion. my fuzzy, school-fried brain made me believe that i would be able to sit, rather than kneel under the table, so as He shoved it closed around me, i scrambled and realized that, no, the table was higher than i believed, and so with the awkward positioning of my legs, i was almost literally hanging in the stocks. It was an awesome experience, and rather soon, i felt my muscles twitching with exhaustion. When Master was gracious enough to release me from the stocks, i felt so warm and used, and laid on the floor for a few moments before we moved on to christen the tub with some water play.

Now, despite the tub's one downfall (it is blue), it is much larger than both tubs we had at our previous residence. Master tied my hands to my thighs, and looped the rope binding my ankles together through the ropes around my thighs as well, leaving me unable to do more than rock my shoulders up to keep my face out of the water as it rose. As we considered the limited amount of time, Master's impatience won over my stamina, and he shoved me under. Each time he pulled me up, i sputtered, annoyed at my new hair cut because it was hanging over my face, essentially "waterboarding" me while Master told me to breathe. Eventually, Master turned me over, and we tried to submerge my head while i looked at Master. Unfortunately, we'd splashed quite a bit of the water out and it didn't quite work, so Master, being the clever, quick thinker He is, decided that His underwear could prove themselves useful in waterboarding me. Regardless of what Master does, quite frequently the thing that truly "revs my engine" as they say, is control me with His strength. He can be doing the most horrible, awful thing, and if His strength is subverting me, controlling my head, my body, my very survival, i become the lustful, compliant creature He so loves.

P.S. There was caning. Not so fun.

P.P.S. There was also awesome sex. >:)

Maybe i'll get a chance to post about those later.

Something clever...

There's never enough time. Lately, it's been interesting around here. Master's been very cool, laid back and patient with me as my semester winds down to an end. i get wound up about what i'm not doing, and He just looks at me with those piercing eyes of His and says "If I'm not giving you a hard time about it, you don't need to be on your own case about it."

This morning actually worked out quite lovely. Master grabbed the clover clamps, purple duct tape, the replacement evil white spoon, some rope and GiGi (the very first Lelo purchase ever, btw, and it kicks ass) and we sought a bit of privacy.

The mingling of sadist and masochist, the delight of the intimacy of being laid bare beneath the power of my Master... Moments all too long in coming. The relief of pain and its focusing power have grounded me again. The delight of multiple orgasms intertwined, the satisfaction of feeling His pleasure upon my skin... All of it made me feel secure despite the many things that need doing before the end of this spring semester...

And then...months of being purely property. i cannot wait.

Soaked...

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Time Keeps on Slippin'...

Well now, it has been a while since I posted last. Thus is the nature of my communicative self. I never seem to call anyone nor visit anyone unless made to. Not that I don't have plenty to say, just I seem to prefer a "captive" audience;) Enough with that though.

So things have continued much as they always have; life is nothing if not cyclic. My pet and I have found some time to play recently but much to my chagrin it is no where near where it used to be.

Gone seem the days of seven hour planned sessions that move much like a scripted adventure game utilizing every torture and torment device one can lay their hands upon while moving through one centralized and all important theme. For example, the newly acquired slave girl who has to be broken through the crucible of torments to become a "good girl", or the slave who has serious need of being reigned in and brought back to her place before she gets into real trouble, or any number of terribly wondrous delights. Especially the chance to seriously drive my slave so deep into sub space that her limits can be pushed or even shattered. How I long to have a water play session with her involving hooded dunking! Ohhhhhhhh.

Yet, we have been trying to make the best of O/our time. The other night I experimented in a little asymmetrical bondage (symmetry is a huge thing with me) that turned out to be a hugely successful and enjoyable session, despite its short duration. A week or so before that I involved my slave in a massive head fuck session in which I combined story telling aspects with physical cues and sensations while binding her in a helpless and near total sensory deprived position. she could not see nor touch nor speak (and as a result, taste); she could only hear what I was saying and feel what I wanted her to.

The story went something like this; I took my slave out for the night and brought her back home, bound and blindfolded in the back of the car. she is taken down to the dungeon and is bound to some piece of furniture holding her immobile. I then whip her with my crop and subject her to a number of torments, some only described and others reinforced by real life actions. The best part is when a mythic second slave, who received some random name I neglected to remember, is placed between her legs, invading her with a strap-on in the story while in reality I am the one penetrating my slave (It gets confusing just writing it, but that is why it is a mind fuck). This second slave, is bound and is being taken from behind by me in the story. My slave, who is gagged, must beg this second slave for the chance to cum. (In a later posting I'll explain how my slave can cum when ordered). Here's the trick, she is begging me in reality and though I give her permission, I am doing it from the point of view of the second slave. This messed her up and as I hoped she was unable to cum because it was not her Master who had given her permission. Talk about a mind fuck;)

That night my slave was so hyped up and horny that I was able to whip her throughly with my crop all over her ribs, tits, stomach, and inner thighs and with greater impacts then are normally within the realm of her pain threshold. It was a particularly successful night and one of O/our more lengthy play sessions, having lasted something like two to three hours, putting me way behind in my sleep for the next day but proving completely worth it.

Other of O/our play sessions have been somewhat less dramatic but no less enjoyable. I have a thing for chains and I had the occasion to run heavy chains between my slave's collar and cuffs. The chains all together must have added twenty some odd pounds to my girl and she was reluctant to stand straight. I gave her little choice in the matter and the situation quickly became an impromptu lesson on giving everything she had to obey my orders. The sex was quite nice after that.

Just the other night I bound up my sex slave with a spreader bar behind her neck with her hands tied out to the sides. Then I tied her legs together at the ankles and pulled them up to wrap the rope around the backside of her neck. Thus her legs pull her head forward against
the rope of the spreader bar, choking her. I then took her like this, my bound little ball, struggling for breath and squirming to be fucked harder. she soon passed out, overwhelmed by the pressure and pleasure. I delighted in taking my pleasure from her unconscious body, what a treat.

So despite the lack of time to play these days, W/we still manage to get some time together. Torture and torment have taken an almost rushed or hurried feel recently, but I like to think I can weather it. Now to make time to write about to all of you...