Wednesday, December 30, 2009

20 Questions

Today, i'll be sharing a meme that is making its way about the blogosphere. Seeing as there is only *gasp* one day left in 2009, it seemed kind of like it would be a good and fun post to end out the year on. We did have more posts this year than we did in 2008 (even if you only count the 2009 posts from March to December) so i am proud of us for managing to post more frequently, even though we didn't post as often as we would have liked.

1. Your role?

i am the property, the object that is owned...

2. Current relationship?

To my Master, my Husband, whom i have been in this relationship for almost 12 years.

3. Your favourite type of play?

Oh, geez. How do i narrow it down? i love breath play. Water play is fun. Bondage is awesome (though i admit i love leather more than i love rope). Torment of most sorts is pretty spectacular.

4. Your most hated type of play?

Impact play and pain play is often quite hard for me, though when they are over i adore them.

5. The most annoying habit of your owner/slave/whatever you call your SO?

These are the things that bother me...kind of small, really, but they do get under my skin. He doesn't talk enough during sex and talks too much during blow jobs. Master is also quite forgetful, which is cute, but also frustrating.

6. Your deepest fear?

The dark. Pitch blackness is terrifying for me. If there's a little tiny bit of light, it's all good, but like, a darkroom without the red lamp on? Scary.

7. Your most memorable public experience (or what you would like to do in public)?

Public experience? Not this year. Sad. Hopefully, we'll be able to find a way to get ourselves back into some public play, socialization... i miss it. Once we do? Donno. Show off Master's aweseomeness with rope? His beautiful flogging skills? That'd be awesome.

(Most memorable public experience ever? Probably our first one, a Halloween event with Denver PEP, nine years ago. i think we played throughout the entire night. Bondage, my first opportunity for girl-on-girl action, pain, pleasure...)

8. What gets you in the mood?

i think i kind of hover around being in the mood all the time. Things that put me out of the mood are lack of sleep, stress...but generally, i want to play and have sex.

9. Favourite method of masturbation?

This may seem really weird. But i don't like to masturbate. Sometimes if we know we aren't going to get an opportunity to play, i will ask, and i'll use the fastest method possible if He grants me permission.

10. Scariest thing you’ve seen or heard of in BDSM land?

"The whole hook suspension thing. Yeah. I’m so not going there." <-What Kaya said.

11. Number of hours you spend on iFet when you should be doing other things?

Too many, but less than i used to. i've never posted much, and i'm posting less, but i still "wander" around their servers longer than i need to.

12.Thing that was hotter in fantasy than it was in reality?

Sleep deprivation is still hot in fantasy. Right now it is not so hot in reality.

13. Most longed-for experience?

i really miss being caged and chained for extended periods of time. The purposeful separation is always difficult for me. But it is also quite grounding and centering.

14. Ouchiest toy?

i miss the evil plastic white spoon. But its ouch factor is outstripped by a tinsy-tiny dowel rod (you know, the kind you'll find in traditional cheap kites). That or the bamboo skewers. Those are pretty ow.

15.Book or movie that every newbie has to read/see?

i think it depends on the person. "Screw the Roses Send me the Thorns" was pretty useful... But my favorite was actually "Different Loving" because it really does demonstrate the wide variety of differences that exist in relationships - even in kinky ones.

16. Thing you’d like to change about yourself?

i think i could stand to loose some weight. Even though i don't like my voice, Master does like it, so...i guess we'll keep it.

17.Thing you’re most proud of?

i've made a lot of progress in the last year. i feel more grounded, more satisfied with more aspects of myself. i haven't let fear overtake me and fight for a way out.

18.Funniest dom name you’ve ever heard?

i guess i never really think about that...

19. Do your family and friends know?

Some members of my family suspect, i think, and let it be at that. Others don't know, and if i have my way, those members never will, because they can't look beyond their own prejiduces about kink.

20. Is twenty questions too many?

Nah. It was about right. And with that, i leave you to your new year's celebrations. May 2010 bring you all kinds of kinky happiness!

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Video: Submissive

Though i haven't heard any clamoring for more: here's our second videoblog.

i'd really like to know, what do you guys think? Are you enjoying them? What do you want to see in the videoblogs? What do you want to hear? How often would you like us to do video posts? More? Less? Never? If you want to watch them at the source, please visit

Also, Master and i had an interesting conversation about this topic after i recorded the video... Which, somehow brought up the idea that submitting without a submissive nature still wouldn't make one submissive...It makes them obedient. i like that. Though i struggle with obedience, but that's what i want. i want to be obedient, even though i don't feel submissive.

The comment button is right down, there. First line beneath the post...right? Feel free!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

What is Appropriate...

I know I can't speak for everyone here, but I doubt any of us would cane a paraplegic submissive for not jumping up as we enter the room. What about paddling a slavish amputee for not playing a complete piece from Bach?

The point is that, though slaves live in a harsh world of steep expectations and steeper punishments for failure , a place where excuses only serve to exacerbate said punishments, there are realistic limitations that have to be accounted for.

I'm sure we've heard it all before, and in many cases, may have been the ones saying it. There is no excuse for disobedience or bad behavior. But can that always be said to be true? Are there really no allowances to be had for someone letting their emotions get out of whack? The above examples are pretty extreme but do, I hope, make the point.

Now, what about a less severe example? What about a slave that is emotionally, physically, and/or mentally exhausted that succumbs to their poor mood? What about a slave that is ill or suffering from some chronic issue? Should they be subjected to punishments for poor behavior?

In a very strict sense, yes I suppose they should but I am personally inclined to be more understanding when the reason for the behavior is valid. That is, providing that the slave recognizes their fault and apologizes appropriately. I will not tolerate a slave that tries to justify their very poor behavior.

I know a Master doesn't need a reason to punish or beat their slave. Sometimes we just want to see a red ass and hear some tearful sobbing. However, I do feel that if a Master declares that the slave is being punished for a reason, that reason had better be legitimate and sound. Bullshit punishments, like the paraplegic that fails to rise only serves
, in my opinion, to agitate the slave and undermine the Master...

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Reading the Signs...

Body-language is an important facet in our lives, whether it be business dealings or romantic relations. In our world of BDSM the importance of body language greatly increases. When disciplining or just scening with my slave, her reactions tell me so much more than her conscious blather ever could. When she is screaming "NO NO NO" but her body melts into the torment I know that she needs and craves it despite her begging and pleading.

As a training tool, being able to read the physical signs of a submissive or slave can be crucial. How they react to bondage, beatings, labor, etc provides invaluable insight into the submissive as a person and provides something of a road map for further development and training. These indicators also bring to light the slave's limits which could be, and in my opinion need to be, expressed and expanded through further training.

Taking the slave passed the point of what they think they can do or manage is one of the great pleasures of owning a slave. Doing so, though, means that the Dominant needs to be able to read the slave's reactions to know where the line is. Where pushing up to or just passed the line can be an absolutely incredible experience for both the Dominant and submissive, shoving well passed the line can be extremely detrimental or even damaging to the slave and the relationship.

As an aspect of control, pushing the slave is very important; enforcing the realization of their helplessness as property. If the slave has the ability to end a scene or stop the Dominant then the slave has some control over not just the situation, but the relationship as well. Thus, O/p and M/s relationships generally, but not in all cases, do away with the institution of safewords. Of course, the absence of safewords only exaggerates the importance of being able to accurately read the slave's body-language and reactions.

This kind of familiarity takes some time to develop, which is why I feel it is unwise to do away with safewords too soon in a relationship and why I feel there are such strong feelings in some people regarding their importance. However, experienced players within the community can usually push a submissive they just met right to the very edge of their limits, due largely to the wealth of experience and familiarity with reading these signs in general.

Knowing how to read the body-language and reactions of a slave is one of the more important aspects of owning a slave and bringing them to their full potential of servitude. More importantly, it is vital in truly knowing the slave, inside and out...

Monday, December 21, 2009

Kinking up the holiday...

Master had this idea that we needed holiday themed kinky photos (not that i disagree - i love taking photos!) so He swung by the local superstore for a few props.

Thinking, of course that a candy cane is half ready to be kinked already, He sought a large candy cane and a few other items. The largest candy cane he could find, was of course, one of those plastic numbers with lights inside to be used as holiday pathway lights. We stripped out the lights and took the soonest opportunity to prep. A few tweaks, and we were ready to get started!

Initially, Master used one of His regular canes to get some nice marks on my hind end and started snapping pictures. i'm not sure how it came to it, but it was probably me being a smart-ass, but He whopped me one with the plastic candy cane. He liked it so much (and i liked it a bit too) so He went ahead and kept whopping. Turns out it leaves marks as nice as the other canes we have. Though, shortly after we completed our early holiday fun, they had faded to almost nil. i barely mark! Ridiculous!

However, until it breaks (hopefully not) the candy cane is part of the regular toy collection...apparently a part of Christmas will stick with us long after the holidays...

So... We had some pre-Christmas fun, and took photos, and hopefully a few of those will pop up over on FetLife. And maybe one might show up here, too... Who knows?

We have a few posts scheduled to pop up over the holidays, and another video blog coming up soon (what did you all think of the first one?) and meanwhile, we hope you all enjoy your holiday season, however you celebrate!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

RDR...Now with Video!

As promised, we've gotten ourselves moving with the videoblog additions to Roles Defining Rules. If you'd like to watch them at the source, visit

Our first post is my re-introduction. Without further ado:

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Those Twenty

Master last blogged about a punishment that i earned myself. Twenty cane strokes, delivered in order earned, for the type of each of infraction. The hardest part about the punishment was the realization, before He even told me what the punishment would be, was that i had really earned it. It was a case of some of the worst behavior in the last few years.

Master told me that i didn't have to blog about the why of the punishment, but i feel that it is important to how i received the punishment, so i am going to go ahead and share at least the basics of it.

In the simplest terms, i rose above the level of property, of slave. i claimed property, i repeatedly told Master what He should be doing, not in the form of a recommendation, but as an order. i let my exhaustion, stress and frustrations run away with me and take me above my station. Master has been extraordinarily understanding and helpful throughout all the stress and lack of sleep over the past few weeks, but even as i was breaking every rule He had already bent for me, i realized it. And even though i realized it, i kept pushing until i had fractured every aspect of the rules.

i had an evening to ponder the actions, knowing that a punishment would be coming (but not knowing what it would be) and that i earned exactly everything it would be. i was so frustrated, because i know that i can abide by the rules we've agreed on to define our relationship and i was feeling that i wasn't living up to the values i want in our relationship. While i was alone, i considered all of that, and even briefly, considered begging to be released because i wasn't sure i could find a way to come back to be at peace with myself as His property. As i considered that, however, i realized that if i did ask, i would be denying my responsibility, the responsibility to behave that i had already agreed to, already chose. And there would never, ever be a way back to wearing His collar.

When Master and i talked, after i had realized that i must own my mistakes that evening, and after He told me how the twenty cane strokes would break down, i didn't think i could make it through. Fear consumed me until the time and opportunity came.

When it did, Master hobbled me with the wonderfully heavy leather hobble, and the strokes came down. Because i'd earned them, and i knew it, i did my best to take them with as much composure and grace as i could. i swear, i thought that the skin split with every stroke. i thought that i really would forget how to breathe in that searing pain.

And that is how i remember it. Hobbled and bound to the bed, trying to have that elusive grace Master always asks me to demonstrate, terrified that the skin on my ass and thighs was going to split and that i'd forget how to breathe. i barely remember hearing His voice during, though i am sure He talked to me the whole time. i was so trapped in the moment, in the pain, that nothing else from those moments is as clear.

It wasn't just the punishment that brought me back to center, to satisfaction with the choice i made to be His slave... But it burned the realization that i needed to own the responsibility of my behavior, that the choice i made to be property, slave, was one of the best choices i could have made for myself. i find happiness inside this relationship, and i want it as much as i need it, exactly as it is. And that brief consideration of begging for release made me realize that i really have everything i need and most of what i want. Though it was unfortunate, going so far off track allowed me to realize that, and the punishment and extra thinking brought me back to center, to be satisfied with what i have with Master. And reminded me that if i felt something was missing, all i have to do is ask.

It is easier to ask before then to beg forgiveness and correction later.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Twenty Strokes...

So, my darling slave girl earned herself a nice steep punishment over the weekend. How and why we may cover later. However, the punishment called for twenty cane strokes which I administered earlier tonight.

The way that I handle punishments currently, given the severe deficit in time, is to cuff her hands and feet together respectively and bind them to the bed stretching her out.I place a large, mouth stuffing gag we got from Sub-shop to ensure that her screaming won't wake the child... or the neighbors. So presented, I tell her how many she has earned and why. For tonight's punishment, they were broken down into groups of four or five at a time with a short break for her to regain her composure in between.

I have to say that I am quite impressed with my little slave, she managed to remain composed for the majority of the caning, and even the moments she lost control and flopped about madly against the unyielding bonds were pleasing to this sadistic heart. Though, she did surprise me about three quarters of the way through when she managed to pull one foot loose of our very heavy and secure hobble. Never underestimate the strength of a woman in the throws of blissful agony, or just unbearable pain. I managed a few quick snapshots of the results of the caning about half way through that I will post on my Fetlife profile.

Sadly, as if on cue, as the last stoke fell upon her quivering backside our darling son began crying from the other room. I was unable to get the full result on camera and my planned tender aftercare was instantly reduced to undoing her bonds, ordering her to cuddle up on the floor to wait for me, and to rush out as she tearfully thanked me for punishing her. Such is the life of parent. Oh god... I'm a parent for life! Talk about blissful agony...

Tuesday, December 8, 2009


Hello everyone. Just a quick note to say that I hoping to have the first of my slave's video entries up in the next two weeks or so. Just waiting patiently for the semester to end so we can have the time to overcome a few technical issues. Also hoping to have my first audio entry up very soon. Happy holidays...

Monday, December 7, 2009


Recently, Master talked about how hard it is for Him to share me with anything. How He works to be patient when the moment requires Him to be so. Which is something i admire in Him. And fear, too. There is something funny about the expression on a dominant's face when they are waiting...even patiently.

While i'm still not a hundred percent sure that being back in college is the right thing for us (i was deliriously happy when i didn't have to go anywhere), but it's what we're doing now. And Master has been amazing. Helping me find the time to get the work done and yanking me away from it often enough that i don't loose sight of the fact that He always comes first. (Oh, yes, we could go round and round about our kiddo being first, but i think i've done a good job balancing our son's needs with Master's wants.)

The hardest part about not being a stay at home type anymore is that i so badly just want to focus on nothing for a while, but Master tempers that, too. If i'm not getting something accomplished and i have due dates coming up, He's standing there prodding me to work. If i'm stressing about due dates and He realizes i'm winding myself up for no reason, He yanks me away from it.

Yes, we find some time for each other between His work, my college and our precocious child. Not as much as we'd like, but someday, that will change. He finds just enough time to remind me that everything i do is something He allows me to do, and that i'm not doing it for myself...but for Him.

Thankfully, my semester ends this Friday, leaving me over a month of time to catch up on chores, and spend ridiculous amounts of time sleeping in or not sleeping at all. And by not sleeping at all, i mean my Master probably won't be either.


Drop What You're Doing...

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Sunday, December 6, 2009

The Nature of Sharring that which is Precious...

Sharing. It's something that parents try to instill in their children from a young age. The virtues of sharing and being generous with what you have fill many tales and parables. And yet... Sharing that which is most precious is such a challenge.

As many of you may have read elsewhere, my slave has returned to school. A full load of course work coupled with our lovely, precocious child has very effectively eaten up most of the time that I get with my pet.

A few years ago she was a full time career woman, working in an office, and dressed in professional/casual attire. At the end of her day, she would come home to strip down and fall to her knees as the carnal slave she is. I enjoyed this secret double life to some extent. However the stresses of the day often got in the way of her sliding easily back into the mindset of being a collared beast.

Then came the day when our beautiful baby came into the picture. Suddenly my career slave found herself a full time mother. Quite the shift in lifestyle as you can probably imagine, or know from personal experience. A mommy slave. With this miracle came a whole new set of difficulties and challenges to our dynamic. First of all, the physical recovery of having a child cut from one's belly. It takes a long time for things to heal well enough to pound the hell out of a cunt, one way or another. Then the complete loss of time that goes into the care of an infant. All of these can be expected and therefore considered and even planned around.

But then came something that was completely unexpected, at least for me at that point. It was what I refer to as the Mommy Factor. Suddenly my sweet little obedient slave who barks, laps up piss, and drinks cum was dictating to me the appropriateness of things I wanted her to do. This became a very annoying and regular hindrance that was eventually dispelled.

Now we have this complete drain on our time to deal with. As with all college classes the course work starts to pile up at the end of the semester and my darling pet is under the gun this week. We haven't had a chance to take advantage of the normal narrow windows of opportunity that we get during our child's nap times and bed times. Even the off handed mention of needing a quick blow job is met with rolling eyes and a flurry typing.

Now I am a dominant that believes in bettering one's property. Whether that be through the pursuit of Yoga, belly dancing, martial arts, continued education, whatever. I believe that she should be at her best for me and that her accomplishments and achievements reflect on me as her Master. As a result if I have to share her with the world and allow that small bit of time I have to enjoy her to be eaten away that much more, then so be it. It's not easy, but then, as we always say around here, If it were easy, we wouldn't want it. But good gods am I looking forward to her winter break...

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

past vs. present

Time. Slips away too fast. And there's precious little of it to be had.

The other night, Master and i had the good fortune to enjoy a bit of time together and Master did a really fantastic job with some bondage. It was lovely, the ropes holding me tight, keeping my arms folded behind my back... Inescapable. As difficult as it is for me to get into the headspace to enjoy being bound by rope, it's important that we do so. When we don't have the chance to play with rope, i tend to loose track of where i am, and how helpless i really am, how helpless i want to be.

The bondage was delicious, and Master was sorry that He hadn't thought to grab His camera.

The sad thing was when we were finished, there wasn't really time for us to spend together, snuggly in our roles, reassured by the fantastic bondage, sadism, masochism and sex. We had to go right back to regular life.

As i think about it now, i realize that even though Master and i have had BDSM incorporated into our lives for a third of our lives and all of our time together, i have always had difficulty handling jumping back into the "normal." Yes, our roles are part of our normal, but i want that connected closeness of Master and slave, i want that to last for at least a few moments before the "mundane" things claim their share of time. Post-scene, i want to just bask together in the enjoyment of it, the bliss of numbed limbs and stinging parts, the agony of over-stimulation, the delight of the carnal beings within us.

The day after, i was off. i was short, i was disinclined to do exactly as He asked me to do. Every step was a fight. i didn't want to disappoint Him, cause Him frustration. But i kept doing it. i'd apologize immediately, recognizing the potential trouble i was building up. When He told me that "i don't mean to cause you frustration" was beginning to loose its meaning, i completely went off the deep end. i snapped, i yelled, i threw dishes around in the sink. And argued more. All things He's told me i need to control better.

i blamed being tired, having a sore throat. Blamed a bout of insomnia. Being angry about being sick. He knew that wasn't all of it. He knew it and i didn't. Several hours after the outburst, i recognized that it was a selfish little desire that felt neglected rearing its' ugly head.

i want that closeness. i want Him to be all mine for just a few moments, to feel His arms around what belongs to Him every second of every day.

But this is another thing i am going to have to learn to control better, because that want isn't going to be satisfied every time. And it can't get in the way of the present moment.

Monday, November 30, 2009


On FetLife, it seems that there have been lots of people shooting down everyone else. It's a fact, people are generally intolerant of others whenever they are not forced together because of outside pressure.

That in itself doesn't bother me. What bothers me are new members of the lifestyle, the kink, who are just entering adulthood (the age of consent), who act as if they know everything there is to know, and shoot down people who have been living the lifestyle for years.

i entered my relationship with my Master before i was 18. When i was 18, i consented to a D/s dynamic, which led to my consent of an M/s dynamic. But i never presumed that i knew everything. i knew i wanted to know more, i knew how we were working our relationship, but i didn't make the presumption that everybody did it one way. i was fascinated by the differences, and at times, envious of them. But what Master and i do works for us, we've always adjusted it to work for us.

We're all different, and folks who are new to the lifestyle would do well to remember that there isn't a relationship (kink or vanilla) anywhere that is exactly the same as any other.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Some More Worthy Questions...

Here are some more questions by Florida Dom.

You said you made her beg to cum.
Do you usually allow her to cum when she begs? And how often do you allow her to cum?

Yes, the rule is that she must beg for permission to cum. I don't always let her cum when she does. Many times I'll make her wait five, ten, maybe even fifteen or thirty minutes, teetering on the brink before I'll let her. Sometimes I'll give her a choice between something she really wanted, say being allowed to see while I fuck her or giving me kisses or the like, and cumming.

Like everything in her life, it is a privilege to cum, not a right and she had better beg for it and show some serious gratitude following. I allow her to come quite often as she is multi-orgasmic. An average number of orgasms for her is about six or seven times per fucking. She wanted me to mention that our current record is twenty-one orgasms in a day for her. I like that number.

And you said she's not a willing slave, she said she's a dominated one. How does she show you she's not a willing slave? Does she make you force her to do things?

As for this question, it does boil down to a matter of semantics. We define a submissive as an individual who willingly submits, choosing to obey the wishes of the dominant. If they decide they don't want to do something, they don't have to because they are not bound to their Dom's word like a slave is. Basically the difference for us between a submissive and a slave is that a submissive ultimately has choice and the slave doesn't. Even if it's something they're afraid of or down right, positively don't want to do, a slave has no choice and must do as they are instructed by their owners.

Anyway, that definition aside, when it comes to my girl, she does not identify as a submissive. It isn't that she has an inherent and self motivated need to obey, its that she has a deep seeded and unyielding desire to be forced to obey. It might be a subtle difference to some, but its how we view it.

A good example can be seen in some of the more recent pictures on our Fetlife profile. Earlier that evening I had told her to come over and lick my feet before I went to work. She has a problem with feet, she thinks they are funny looking. She grumbled, slowly meandered over, and barely flicked her tongue over the top of one foot before running off to return to whatever she was doing.

Okay, I thought and went to work. But while I was there I devised her punishment and when I came home at around 2:00 am, I set to work on my devices. I prepared the ring gag, readied a plastic zip tie, pulled out the chain leash, retrieved the riding crop, and pulled my sweaty socks off, all in anticipation of her torment. I clipped the leash to her chain and dragged her out of bed, a rude awakening to be sure. She fell to her hands and knees and I pulled her along to the office. There I tied on the ring gag, bound her hands and shoved her head down to my feet. I then lay a few heavy crop swats across her ass and ordered her to lick.

She was groggy, had cotton mouth, bleary eyed, and had two welts rising on her ass, but still she stuck out her tongue and got to work like a good slave. She gave me a complete tongue bath on both feet up to the ankles, suckling each toe as best she could before I put her on her knees and jacked off into her mouth. Finally I sent her to bed, a happy slave with a mouthful of cum and a stinging backside.
Were she more submissive in character, she would have been more thorough the first time, not having needed the punishment to do it right. At least by our definition and my standards.

I hope that helps to give a better view into our dynamic. Thanks for the questions, keep them coming...

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Worthy Questions...

Florida Dom, who has been a long time supporter of our blog, responded to my more recent request for comments. Here are the questions he had.

You talked last summer about pumping her breasts last summer. Are you still doing it? If not, why did you stop?

- I still have her pumping her breasts. It has, like many things, taken something of a back seat to her schooling and our son, but it is something that I still have her doing. The results of the pumping were quite nice; big, plump breasts very near to lactating. The idea of using a bit of slave creamer in my tea was quite enticing. Sadly, the pumping come too far between to allow for the steady production of milk to hold. However, her breasts are still plump and have, I feel, firmed up a bit from her pregnancy and still look killer in a tight breast bondage.

And what rules do you have in place for her and does she follow them?

- We have a great many rules for her. Many of which we have discussed here previously and sometimes at length. Some are universal; she is not allowed any furniture, she must ask permission before eating, using the restroom, cumming, etc. Some are maybe more personal and individual like; how she is expected to beg for permission to cum, how I expect her to serve me food or drink, that she wait for my approval to eat in the presence of company by a nod or pointing, that she will only eat what I tell her to when we eat out or that I'll order for her.

Some of the more recent ones perhaps, and I intend to do a blog about some of these here soon, involve the computer and social networks. She is allowed to go onto facebook and twitter and of course Fetlife, and if I am not home or available for some reason she may play and the like as she can. However, she is not allowed to do anything that has lasting effects, for instance she may not join new networks without direct permission, she may not add friends without permission, join groups, send direct messages, etc. If she is chatting with someone when I return home, she is to stop, come greet me and ask to continue.

As to whether she follows them or not, she damn well better. She knows what happens when she doesn't! She is what is called a SAS, a smart ass slave. She doesn't identify herself as a submissive, someone who willingly follows my every wish. She has to be forced, she needs to have the power taken from her, to be dominated and controlled. There are some parallels, but the reality is that she is not a willing submissive, she is a dominated slave.

These are just a very few rules that she has but I hope it give a deeper view of our dynamic.

And how often do you do scenes with her?

- We scene when ever we can. I work nights, she goes to college in the day, and we have a full time baby boy nipping at our heals. Time is in great demand. We do scene more than we have a chance to mention here or post pictures on Fetlife. But not nearly as much as we would like to sadly.

And the idea of doing video things is a good one. I hope you go forward with that.

- And we will, I've brushed the dust off my audio recording and mixing software and we have rather good screen capture and web camera capabilities. I hope to have a video blog by the end of the month for her and an audio blog for me by next week. We'll see how that goes though. Fingers crossed.

Well those are the questions that he had posted for us. I hope that sheds some light on things and that there will be more comments and questions to come in the future. Thanks again, dear reader...

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Just a Note to Our Dear Readers...

To our dear readers, we love comments and only rarely seem to get a few of them. Give us your feed back, your questions, I can't promise that we'll always get back in a timely manner but that's life with us. However give us what you got and we'll do our best to address them. If there has been a question that we haven't answered, feel free to ask it again, maybe we missed it somewhere.

Again, we're just about to delve into audio and video blogs here on RDR and would like to hear from you guys what you think about that too. So come on, don't be shy...

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Peculiar Fetishes...

Good evening to you all. I find myself in a remarkably cheery mood. Why, you might ask. Why has this sullen and sardonic individual suddenly become so up lifted? The answer is simple. Sleep deprivation. And yet I am unable to bring myself to go to bed. Instead I shall while away the hours chatting to you, dear reader.

So I would very much like to discuss a couple of odd fetishes that I have discovered or come to recognize. I doubt very much that I could find these upon the fetish lists on Fetlife.

One that has come to my attention is the near sexual glee that rises in me when I hear the sound of bullets whizzing by. I'm a gamer and love Left 4 Dead and there are a number of times when my compatriots mow down a wave of undead rushing at me. This allows for the sound effect of bullets passing by. Bullets in general I think, the flash of tracer rounds does the same thing for me. Playing star fighter games, such as Jedi Star Fighter on the PS2, as blaster bolts flash over the hull of my player's ship I get an equivalent thrill. I don't get the same feel at all from bullet wounds, as I know of that fetish. I find no interest in the shooting death of a beautiful woman as I have seen advertised in a number of morbid porn productions. It is the sight and sound of the ballistics that entice me.

Another that I have come upon recently is the connection, I suppose is the right way to put it, when hearing the voice of someone I've only seen in pictures or in reading their posts. For instance, the other day I came upon Jake's kajira Emma's youtube blog, and by came upon I mean linked over from her Fetlife post. It was the first time I was able to hear her voice and I must say that I was very curious as to what she might sound like. At the same time I came upon two other video blogs of young ladies, one discussing her online enslavement and the other providing something of a beginners guide to BDSM. I must say that listening to their voices as opposed to reading their words was quite pleasant. I also suppose that it is the curiosity of what they might sound like that is really the focus for this fetish, and it is one that is peculiar to me.

Those two are the ones that stand out and both are something of a surprise to me. I would not have expected that they border so strongly on the line of sexual thrill, but there it is...

Monday, November 16, 2009

Symmetry of Semantics...

I would like to talk now about semantics. It is interesting to me that so much of our world is divided by the semantics of people. Where a topic has a specific definition to be found in the dictionary, there also is the personal definition of a group of people to be considered. I find semantics to be a vital yet smaller part of self identity, it is how we personally find distinctions unique to us within a larger community view. However, when these subtle differences become the fuel for personal attacks and constant bickering, as is so often the case on Fetlife, they become mindless and superfluous.

One of the easiest to pick on would be the distinctions of the terms Master or slave. Everyone in our community seems to have different views on what these two terms actually encompass. Some are of the view that a Master is someone who has spend some specific yet arbitrary amount of time into the study of some facet of BDSM. Others believe that a person can only hold the title of Master if another Master in the community grants them the title, a very old world Greek Scholar approach. Then there are those, such as myself, that believe a Master is the title one takes when they collar a slave. As human beings, we all grow and evolve, learn and develop, and as such it seems needless to reserve the title of Master purely for the esoteric elite in the community.

So too with the title of slave, there are a great many different definitions and views on what a slave is that it becomes somewhat dizzying. I personally define a slave as a collared and possessed individual. I believe consensual slavery to be the personal acceptance of slavery and ownership of another person over one's self. They freely and willingly commit themselves to being owned property of the Master, and as such give up their right to decide from that point on. It is not something that should be done lightly in my mind, for it is binding. The contract, if one is used, can be for some specific amount of time such as a year or in our case as we are married, a life time.

It puzzles me some that our community, and I speak here of the window into our community that Fetlife specifically provides, would be so divided at times as to border on dichotomy. Kaya, from Under His Hand, not to long ago posted on Fetlife, and I'm paraphrasing here, why should the BDSM community at large be any more tolerant than any other community? This got me thinking. The old guard system of BDSM, which basically founded the principles of the Leather Community, was very specific and strict. It was their way or the high way in essence.

Now that the world of BDSM has become something of a subculture, and a widely accepted one at that, the old rules no long hold as much dominion as they once did. People practice as they wish to practice, which is fine an grand, but what is truly amusing to me is the idea that our once very tight and nearly ritualized world of BDSM has become as fractured as the Christian faith.

The old notion that people band together when they have something larger to fight seems to be very pertinent to our community. As long as BDSM was under attack from the moral right, the members of the community celebrated the opportunities to come together and share their arts. Now that this attack has subsided largely, people seem to get together more and more to fight amongst themselves about the differences of their craft. Like the Christian faith historically, while they were persecuted, it was unified, but when it became widely accepted, smaller camps of the faith, baptists, protestants, Lutherans, etc. began to break away from the main faith to establish their own little specific faiths. And please understand that I am not attacking the Christian faith at this time, but their historic example runs a parallel in my mind to the apparent and continued fracturing of the BDSM community.

Now, is it necessarily a bad thing that the community as a whole has been so largely accepted by the normal world? Not even remotely. If the only thing holding the people together to begin with was the crushing pressure of outside criticism, then like the fall of Communism and the splintering of eastern Europe, people will find smaller things to bicker about and this will result in people going their own way.

So often I hear about or see arguments taking place on Fetlife that are petty little semantic disagreements. Safe words, titles, legal issues, whether a slave is truly property or not. It seems to me that the only response one can make in most of the threads anymore is that somethings don't work for everyone and that it is up to each person to find what works for them. That is it, because how can one argue legitimately the righteousness of an opinion?

It is nearly staggering to me how quickly the opportunity for community involvement provided by sites like Fetlife degenerate so quickly and completely into line in the sand type battlefields. Do I feel that the BDSM community should be more tolerant and accepting than other communities? Yes I do, for no better reasons than the fact that our sub-society encompasses so diverse a population and because our new found acceptance and popularity in normal society is still relatively new and as such we should not be as jaded as we seem.

All of that being said, perhaps the level of acceptance that is needed is purely to accept that what works for one person does not necessarily work for someone else and that there is nothing wrong with that. For instance, I don't hold with cross-dressing, it affronts me personally. Does that mean that I should shun the person who gets off on it? No, I don't believe so. At worst I believe that I would avoid the situation to the best of my ability and if confronted with it, tolerate as much as is realistic. I would not tolerate the cross-dressing individual trying to get me in drag but that is no different in my mind than someone trying to pick my pocket or cutting me off, at that point it is intended to be an affront and therefore is intolerable.

As a more real world and practical example, I loath gum. I hate it with every fiber of my being. A sickening chill runs through me at the very thought of it. Yet it is such a prevalent part of everyday society that I cannot help but run afoul of it. I would certainly like to shun the individuals who so inconsiderately smack their disgusting substance near me, but would that even remotely seem practical? To them I would appear to be an unreasonable freak with issues because of my very real and strong dislike. Why is it then that such similar behavior should be defended or even applauded when it comes to the bickering I see on Fetlife or other such places?

At any rate, I realize the subtle irony of making a semantic argument about semantic arguments. And you, dear reader, are as always welcome to take it or leave it as the case may be. Just know that whatever view you may take on any issue, there is likely to be at least one and probably more differing views to the one you choose, and as they are opinions based upon personal values and judgments, none are more correct or more worthy than the others. They are what they are, simply that and no more just like the people who cling to them.

Thank you, dear reader, and good night...

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Up and Coming....

Something that I plan to do with this blog.

I have had the opportunity to watch a number of video blogs recently and have become enamored with the notion. I would like to have my pet start a few and I might as well, though perhaps only audio for me. I've been told that I have a very intense 'look' whatever that means. For those of you who have viewed my profile picture and have seen the black and white of me, maybe you understand what they mean.

Any way, video blog yes...

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

A Note on Families

Recent events bring to light a thought that has long troubled my mind. What part does family play in this life we choose to lead? Becoming a slave or even a Master does not absolve oneself from ones lineage. Those inescapable ties that while loose and conforming can ensnare one so completely with the slightest of effort. A true jealousy to any proclaimed rope Master.

Yes, it is this bond of family that I speak of now and that indeed has once again impressed itself so wholly upon my property that her heart grows heavy with worry and concern. It is curious to see the years of training and conditioning flutter so insignificantly next to the weight of that concern. Despite the nature of the troubles, of which I'll not utter here, suffice it to say that it is an issue that I'm sure is no stranger to the whole world of families.

The issue I wish to discuss here is the very notion of family and how that bond effects a Master/slave relationship. As we are all very aware, a slave is no less human than the next person, with the same wants, needs, desires. Much like a nun accepting the habit, they simply choose a different way of living, swearing their love and allegiance to something or someone else. And as I mentioned above, accepting the collar does not make one less someone's son or daughter. So how do we deal with this? Do some simply run away from family, ignoring their calls and living their own life as their Master's see fit? Do they pretend that their lives are no different from anyone else, keeping their darker desires secret and hidden from family? Do they come out, hoping for the love and understanding of their families?

I'm sure all are ways that people choose to deal with the issue of family. I myself have no strong attachments to family and no claim to fatherly or motherly intrusion. I find my interest in family to be a close one, involving only my slave and my child as the family I concern myself with. This works for me in a way that I am sure it would not for others. As indeed it does not work well for my slave who is by her nature deeply invested in her family.
What if they find out and are disapproving? Would they ostracize their daughter? Certainly we have all heard of that happening to someone at some point. Would they demand a separation, pending upon divorce? Certainly they wouldn't be able to legally insist, but again those ties to family run so bloody deep. Could you handle it if your mother thought you a monster?

I have also put a lot of thought into this question when it comes to the notion of adding a second slave to the dynamic. How would their family impact our relationship or my ownership? What level of family interested should I look for in a slave? Is it at all feasible that I might get a knock on my door from a disgruntled father looking to drag his twenty something little girl back home kicking and screaming? Even more disturbing, should I one day find the father of my slave patting my back complimenting me on my whipping technique demonstrated on his daughter's ass?

How do you handle this? How does it work for you? I admit a great deal of interest in how others deal with the question of family. Are they any couples out there that come from lifestyle families? How about multiple slave households, how does family play a part? Please share...

Friday, November 6, 2009


There is no way that i can truly explain my sorrow and regret about my recent behavior. Though Master is gracious enough to allow me to go to college, in the hope that in doing so He can make our lives better, i should always, first and foremost, before all other things, be sure that i am behaving as He expects His slave, His property, to behave.

The attitude of entitlement that made it's way into my behavior must be quashed. Just because i think something else should come first doesn't mean that Master agrees. Most important, before all other things, is to be what He desires me to be, and that, is to be pliant to His will.

When Master tied me the other day, i should have done my best to simply sink into it, to be present in that moment, to relish the simplicity of it. Instead, i fussed, attempted to do other things, and complain about Master's use of “my” time.

Truly, i want the simplicity of those moments, but i fight against them so often, i am sure that Master has difficulty accepting that what i say is the truth. But, despite all my fussing, my seeming inability to behave, i need the reminders that i am His, down to every moment of my day. There is no time that belongs to me. There is nothing that allows me to decide independently how to spend my time when i am with Him. Even when He isn't with me, i should remember that i live for Him, every moment and every breath is something that i gave to Him. They are His, as completely as i am.

i am sorry that i have had such trouble sinking into my slavery lately. i am sorry that Master seems to have to fight me at every turn. i am sorry that i forget how totally i belong to my Master.

i am sorry, Master. i will try to do better.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Stolen time

We've been terrible about posting.

And, though we've still gone about our business, been who we are, there hasn't been a lot of time for us to run our kinks in the foreground of our lives. Sad! There are still the subtleties of our Master and slave dynamic, but we haven't had an opportunity to really scene for a while. This is, of course, taking its toll on both of us. Probably Master more than i.

But i miss that simplicity. While me going back to school for a new career makes financial sense for us, it's really hard for Master because i have so much homework, Master feels that i have been stolen from Him. Or at least the time i have has been subverted. It's a bitter cup to know that Master can't simply do everything He wishes, to put me at His feet, to confine me from the world because of this change.

i want that back. i do. i want to know that every second of my time is truly Master's. That there are no draws on my time that aren't what He wants from me.

But, because we are who we are, no matter how many different angles we look at our situation from, it seems our best choices, for our sanity, to succeed as who we want to be, all involve something taking my time away from Master.

Coming to terms with these things has been difficult for both of us. Master at least seems to be paying attention to these turmoils within Himself, recognizing how it is effecting Him. On the other hand, i seem to be shutting down parts of myself, entering another period of self-denial. i attempt to ignore the aspects of myself that cry out for Master to dominate me, to crush me beneath His heel. (Fail, at that, btw, for even subconsciously, i'm putting myself beneath the tread of His boots.)

Everything about our lives has been a steady stream of change for the last four years, if not the bulk of our 11 years together. Things are in constant flux, and we have found our way through most of it as Master and slave, but it has not been easy, nor has it been a clear road. We can only hope that through this next period of change we will hold tightly to the thing that has continuously brought us closer together, that is, being Master and slave, as we move through this change.

Thankfully, the semester is nearly over, so there will be some time that there will be no subversions of the time that belongs to Master.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Thoughts on a Long Night...

It seems befitting of me to mention certain aspects of this life we have chosen for ourselves. I have a long held love for seeing fear upon the face of a beautiful woman. Indeed, if I had my choice between a sweet and heart felt smile gracing the lips of a tender woman and the wide eyed, raised eyebrows of mortal fear, I would choose the latter. Terror seems more fitting for a slave girl than contented happiness, on occasion at any rate.

Imagine that look of abject terror as, while bound and completely at her Master's mercy, she watches helpless as her Master approaches her. In his hands he wields an implement, be it an electric prod or a cutting cane. Her eyes widen, fixed on the implement. Little squeaks, pleading noises, escape from behind her gag. Perhaps she struggles against her bonds, but to no avail. As a slave, as property, she knows that it is not for her to decide her own fate. If her Master wishes it, said implement will indeed be used upon her. And what a curious and wondrous thing, that a slave could find genuine happiness in the grip of such fear. That she could find contentment facing such frightful uncertainty.

Another note of my personal view is the nature of slaves to be objects, toys; possessions. I know that there is a great wide world of differing opinions within our community and I am of the school of persons who believe that a slave is property, wholly and completely. As an object, it is beyond them to decide for themselves. In the case of my slave, my permission must be sought for any and all activities, i.e. using the restroom, eating, drinking (apart from water or milk for hydration and health issues), using any piece of furniture, etc.

All this must now be well known to our dear readers, as this subject is the focus of many of our posts. However, recently I have put much thought into the extent of this view. Our now average daily lives, consisting of college classes for the slave, child rearing, and work for me, have given us little opportunity to dabble as it were in the arts of torture, objectification, bondage and such. Leaving only the refuge of our average days to utilize my slave in the ways that I will.

The focus for her submission as of late has been directed more toward service; laundry, dishes, house cleaning, meals, etc. It has been a delicate balancing act, given the complexity of our combined schedules. I order her to keep constant contact, texting or calling regularly to update me as to her situation while at school or fulfilling some chore. I order her food when we dine out, giving little regard for her desires prior nor her enjoyment following lest such things please me.

I delight in reminding her often that I allow her less regard than I would for a pet dog. I am equally delighted in the effect that such reminders have upon her. Just the other day for example, we were sitting down to some delivered dinner and my pet gave me the imploring eye of a beast desiring a bite of my food. I smiled and after several moments of leaving her hanging upon my answer, I offered her a bite. Instead she requested only the scraps left within the container. So delighted was I that I finished my meal and placed the opened box upon the floor, snapping my fingers and pointing at the box so that she might partake in the scraps from my meal. It is excessively pleasing to me that it was by her own suggestion that such a degrading action fell upon her. And she was so eager in its execution, she fell upon her knees and fed upon the scraps immediately upon my order.

Her desire for the hated plastic spoon that has sadly disappeared from my assortment of tantalizing tools also informs me of her deep seeded needs and desires. Sadly it yet eludes me, undiscovered and still hidden. Also her increased abilities and enjoyment of cock sucking, how she will come to me offering to suck me off. With the addition of regular pineapple, she has even come to enjoy and to some extent crave the taste of my cum. My recent post about tit fucking mentioned how my sweet slave mistook my intentions and offered the notion of fucking her tits.

It pleases me greatly to see that my slave's heart and mind is so focused upon her submission and that she willingly and eagerly serves my whims, whether they have been directly expressed or not. Such is the life of a slave, and a slave she most definitely is...

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Under pressure...

Some days, there should be a warning floating over my head. This whole "learning to have more grace thing" isn't going as well as i would like it to. Some days, i feel like i'm about to burst because there is so much that needs to be done.

We've mentioned before that i have gone back to college. As a full time student for the first time in ten years, and leaving the house on a regularly scheduled basis for the first time in almost two years, it's a little crazy for me. There are days when i have to talk myself into leaving our home. An inner monologue that sounds something like "Master thinks this is good for you. It'll be good for all of us in the long run. He wants you to go, so get out the damn door!"

Regardless, between homework, housework, playing with our kiddo, teaching kiddo the basics, and trying to make sure I meet as many of Master's needs as i can, i feel a little thin. i feel like i haven't had time to center myself.

So when my first tablet and new computer art program arrived, i was very excited and hoped to spend a few uninterrupted hours learning to use said tablet. (i guess i move the paper around a lot when i draw, because that's my biggest trouble translating from paper to screen.) But Master looked at me, and told me flatly that those uninterrupted hours would have to wait until i had done all the dishes that had stacked up over the last frazzling week and completed a test for one of my classes.

i knew He was right. Those things needed to be done. But i felt so sorry for myself ─ because nobody cares that i "never" get to do the things i want to do. i sulked, pouted and huffed out loud, while in my head i knew i was complaining about something i didn't want: fairness. i don't want it to be fair. And it wasn't fair of me to neglect those chores, or the school-work that needed to be done.

Master does His best to keep me on the straight and narrow. And even with His help, i stray.

Since the incident, i have had a few hours here and there spent playing with the tablet and program Master bought for me, and i don't feel sorry for myself. i'm frustrated because, yet again, i didn't compose myself with grace when Master reminded me of the order that needs to be kept.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Collared. Permanently.

For some time now, years to be certain, I have desired to lock around the neck of my sweet sex servant a permanent collar. A symbol of her objectification and slavery, of course, but one that I personally feel that every slave should wear. A collar that cannot be removed by their own hand or at their own will. Though I would prefer a heavy metal band, locked with a complex lock, resources and need have presented me with a challenge.

The collar needed to be both obvious and subtle. It needed to be secure, firm, the embodiment of my ownership over her. However it also needed to be delicate enough to avoid amateur detection and scrutiny.
We have a choke chain, a throwback to the very early days of her slavery. It is strong, has some weight, but thin enough to be accepted as a piece of neigh inconspicuous jewelery.

It took some work, but I cut through the links holding the rings and fixed them together around my girl's neck. It is tight enough to ensure that it will not slip off, but loose enough to allow other collars to be used during play, for example my favorite thick metal collar.

Thus affixed, my slave is at long last now a permanently collared girl. It is such a pleasure to know that as she sits in her classes, surrounded by her classmates and instructors, she does so as a marked piece of property. A slave amongst the free people, hidden in plain sight. So delicious...

Monday, September 28, 2009

Tit Fuck...

In the ten years of jenpet being my collared slave I have never before used her ample and supple breasts to please my desires in so direct a fashion. Why? I've no idea! Except maybe to say that there is something to be said for having some surprises still to be discovered and shared throughout one's life. My sweet pet is afflicted this weekend with the one true curse of her gender. I have found use of her in the tender caress of her sweet, hot little mouth. However, in the grips of the most severe of her cramping, she is unable to provide even this service to me.

Today, I had the intent to masturbate upon her swollen breasts, to see the shine of my cum on her tender flesh. I told her to kneel before me and offer her bosom to my attentions. There was a moment of hesitation and she begged not to be used, but quickly she caught herself. Instead, and quite by a matter of miss-communication, she gave me the idea of tit fucking, an idea we had discussed previously.
I took her into the bedroom post haste and bound her topless on the bed. A liberal application of lubrication upon her chest, I straddled her body and lay my hardening cock within the valley of her breasts. Taking her nipples between my fingers, I began pumping my cock into her cleavage.

I was utterly surprised at just how fully enjoyable the sensation was. The combination of thrusting and the slick sensation of masturbation quickly drove me to spurt my lust upon her throat.
So pleasurable was my experience that I felt the need to write as soon as possible. I have seen tit fucking in a number of porn videos, and always seeming so awkward a thing. Tit fucking indeed, why not arm pit fucking, behind the knee, or crux of the elbow? Can it be so that a woman's body can be so completely used as a sexual object?

I imagine that despite the awkward nature of such things, it can easily be accomplished. That warrants further exploration.
Despite that, my first experience with tit fucking was spectacular and I heartily look forward to my next opportunity. Perhaps while electro-torturing her abdomen, listening to her screams while her body contorts under my hips while my cock explodes in her face. Hmmmmm. Yes...

Saturday, September 19, 2009


It has been an interesting week. A week of contemplation. And it's been kind of hard.

Because of the drastic changes in our schedules (okay, so it's going on four weeks, but, i don't think we've fully adjusted yet) Master and i have had much less time than we would like to play together, to fully embrace our dynamic, our roles.

And while i'm still progressing in other areas, like domestic service, i feel like i'm moving backwards in other areas. i've crashed emotionally when we've had the chance to play during the day. And not in a good, "we played hard" kind of way.

Master chained me to the bed, face down, and i realized that the chains were not even lengths. And that frustrated me. Then Master put a noose around my neck (using a martial arts belt) and that made me panic. When He moved the chians so my arms were out to the side instead of to the top of the bed, i started feeling it.

Anger, boiling up out of my core. Red hot, violent anger. It was purposeless anger. But anger that completely colored the event. And it had nowhere to go. When Master started tapping my ass firmly with a small wooden dowel, all that anger became focused. Even though i love my Master with all of my heart, with every fiber of my being, for a moment, i hated Him.

It was a passing moment. It always is, when that anger comes rising up out of me. And when we push through it, when i'm allowed to fume to myself, all that purposeless anger gets burned away, and the love and adoration that i have for my Master seems brighter and stronger.

And here is where i am torn. i am property, and generally speaking, Master does not expect His property to have vehement reactions to His will. So how do i move beyond those? i am His property, but i think, i matter how hard i try not to.

In general, i am not an angry person. There are things that make me angry, yes, but i don't dwell in anger. But when it rears its ugly head, and for a moment, takes me from the place i want to be, i almost don't know what to do. When it's been burned away by Master's fierce love, i think i am better for it.

But i wish the anger never focused upon Him.

Monday, September 14, 2009


i stole this from Insatiable Desire. Seemed like it might spur me on to do more blogging...

1 – Who are you and what do you identify as?

i go by jenpet online, and i am my Master's property and slave.

2 – Where did you get your name?

It's simply a matter of convenience for me. i like my name, and i am a pet. In truth, i'm not sure i really have a name. (smirk.)

Master only rarely uses my given name (and usually as a reward) ─ in the last twelve months, i think He has only used my name six or seven times. Generally, He calls me "girl" or "pet" and when we are absolutely alone, "slave" and "property". When He is speaking to others about me, He says "My slave" if they are kink-friendly and "My wife" if they are vanilla.

3 – What drew you to M/s?

There have always been dark fantasies in my head. Master showed me that there was a name for them.

4 – Do you hope to gain anything as a person from M/s? If so, what?

i have gained a lot. i have learned how to to give up my way. (i was a selfish little girl before.) i have learned that i don't have to be perfect to love myself or be worthy of love. There is still a lot for me to learn, though. Like grace even when things are very difficult. Acceptance of things that have to be done (getting better at this one, though still shaky).

5 – What do you hope to gain in your relationship from M/s?

i know that it draws us closer together. Because M/s requires so much communication, Master and i know each other well, and we work together well.

6 – What, for you, is the hardest part of your chosen role? (master or slave)

Grace. Sometimes, i really just don't want to do as i am told. But i have no real choice but to obey, because i already made that choice. It is hard to give up any shred of personal time that might come along because Master wants me to go do something right then and there. But it also helps keep me focused, and i know that.

7 – Do you foresee this being a part of your life forever or do you think it will eventually fade away?

i can't see us any other way than kinked. Maybe it will become more subtle, but i don't think so. Since long-long ago (11 years and counting) i've felt that i belonged to my Master...even before He put a name to what it is we do.

8 – What’s your favorite rule? (M types too!)

Hmm. Favorite? i don't have one. We have several rules, but they are almost normal to me now, though i have been slacking on the high-protocol stuff.

Though i do really love sleeping in the nude, so i'm glad that's a rule. i guess that would be my favorite.

9 – What is more important in an M/s relationship: love, respect, or compatibility? Why do you feel this way?

i think they are all important. But more important, i think is trust. i adore the fact that i love Master, and that He loves me, that we respect each other and that we're pretty darn compatible. But i'm not sure how far love, respect or compatability could take anyone without trust.

10 – How do you feel about limits in your current relationship? What, if any, do you have?

Just to still the safety police, Master and i both agree that children, death and dismemberment are hard limits. Beyond that, i trust Him enough to let Him say when enough is enough.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Rambles from the girl

i'm not as good about coming here to blog as i should be. There are a couple of reasons for that, including Master has allowed me to go back to college and that between college and regular family stuff, there hasn't been a great deal of time for kink.

Mind you, i am still Master's property, and i'm doing my best to balance everything that i have on my plate. But it is hard. i very much enjoyed being a stay at home slave and mother to our child for the past two years, and this first semester is really evidence of how easy it can be for me to be just a slave without all of the extra stresses from outside of our household.

There are a lot of things rambling around in my head right now that are distracting as well. Recently, i had a conversation with someone who is completely kink-unfriendly about someone who is kinky. And that was hard for me. i don't think that having a fetish, kink or interest in BDSM is a bad thing, in fact, i see it as a healthy way to explore all that it means to be human.

But this person, who finds it to be so unhealthy, talked about how people who are interested in that kind of thing are monsters. Which hurt. Because that person is someone important to me, and they have no idea that i am one of those people they called a "monster".

i know that abuse can exist in BDSM. But when we're talking about consent and even consentual non-consent, about BDSM relationships that both parties benefit from, those to me, are far healthier than some of the "vanilla" relationships i have had the pleasure of witnessing.

i know i'm not sick, i know i'm not demented and i know that neither Master or myself are monsters.

As far as i can see, there is no way for me to be able to share the richness that yeilding to those temptations can bring to someone's life. So what do i do? Avoid the subject? Continue to mull it over until my heart breaks because they can never accept that i have found happiness because i accept the darker part of myself?

That in itself has wound my brain around and around.

Regardless of this ramble, i wanted to post, and say that i'll try and find a few minutes here and there to put up some more regular posts, including sharing some of the rare moments Master and i find to make some heat of our own.