Wednesday, September 30, 2009
The collar needed to be both obvious and subtle. It needed to be secure, firm, the embodiment of my ownership over her. However it also needed to be delicate enough to avoid amateur detection and scrutiny. We have a choke chain, a throwback to the very early days of her slavery. It is strong, has some weight, but thin enough to be accepted as a piece of neigh inconspicuous jewelery.
It took some work, but I cut through the links holding the rings and fixed them together around my girl's neck. It is tight enough to ensure that it will not slip off, but loose enough to allow other collars to be used during play, for example my favorite thick metal collar.
Thus affixed, my slave is at long last now a permanently collared girl. It is such a pleasure to know that as she sits in her classes, surrounded by her classmates and instructors, she does so as a marked piece of property. A slave amongst the free people, hidden in plain sight. So delicious...
Monday, September 28, 2009
Today, I had the intent to masturbate upon her swollen breasts, to see the shine of my cum on her tender flesh. I told her to kneel before me and offer her bosom to my attentions. There was a moment of hesitation and she begged not to be used, but quickly she caught herself. Instead, and quite by a matter of miss-communication, she gave me the idea of tit fucking, an idea we had discussed previously. I took her into the bedroom post haste and bound her topless on the bed. A liberal application of lubrication upon her chest, I straddled her body and lay my hardening cock within the valley of her breasts. Taking her nipples between my fingers, I began pumping my cock into her cleavage.
I was utterly surprised at just how fully enjoyable the sensation was. The combination of thrusting and the slick sensation of masturbation quickly drove me to spurt my lust upon her throat. So pleasurable was my experience that I felt the need to write as soon as possible. I have seen tit fucking in a number of porn videos, and always seeming so awkward a thing. Tit fucking indeed, why not arm pit fucking, behind the knee, or crux of the elbow? Can it be so that a woman's body can be so completely used as a sexual object?
I imagine that despite the awkward nature of such things, it can easily be accomplished. That warrants further exploration. Despite that, my first experience with tit fucking was spectacular and I heartily look forward to my next opportunity. Perhaps while electro-torturing her abdomen, listening to her screams while her body contorts under my hips while my cock explodes in her face. Hmmmmm. Yes...
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Because of the drastic changes in our schedules (okay, so it's going on four weeks, but, i don't think we've fully adjusted yet) Master and i have had much less time than we would like to play together, to fully embrace our dynamic, our roles.
And while i'm still progressing in other areas, like domestic service, i feel like i'm moving backwards in other areas. i've crashed emotionally when we've had the chance to play during the day. And not in a good, "we played hard" kind of way.
Master chained me to the bed, face down, and i realized that the chains were not even lengths. And that frustrated me. Then Master put a noose around my neck (using a martial arts belt) and that made me panic. When He moved the chians so my arms were out to the side instead of to the top of the bed, i started feeling it.
Anger, boiling up out of my core. Red hot, violent anger. It was purposeless anger. But anger that completely colored the event. And it had nowhere to go. When Master started tapping my ass firmly with a small wooden dowel, all that anger became focused. Even though i love my Master with all of my heart, with every fiber of my being, for a moment, i hated Him.
It was a passing moment. It always is, when that anger comes rising up out of me. And when we push through it, when i'm allowed to fume to myself, all that purposeless anger gets burned away, and the love and adoration that i have for my Master seems brighter and stronger.
And here is where i am torn. i am property, and generally speaking, Master does not expect His property to have vehement reactions to His will. So how do i move beyond those? i am His property, but i think, i feel...no matter how hard i try not to.
In general, i am not an angry person. There are things that make me angry, yes, but i don't dwell in anger. But when it rears its ugly head, and for a moment, takes me from the place i want to be, i almost don't know what to do. When it's been burned away by Master's fierce love, i think i am better for it.
But i wish the anger never focused upon Him.
Monday, September 14, 2009
1 – Who are you and what do you identify as?
i go by jenpet online, and i am my Master's property and slave.
2 – Where did you get your name?It's simply a matter of convenience for me. i like my name, and i am a pet. In truth, i'm not sure i really have a name. (smirk.)
Master only rarely uses my given name (and usually as a reward) ─ in the last twelve months, i think He has only used my name six or seven times. Generally, He calls me "girl" or "pet" and when we are absolutely alone, "slave" and "property". When He is speaking to others about me, He says "My slave" if they are kink-friendly and "My wife" if they are vanilla.
3 – What drew you to M/s?
There have always been dark fantasies in my head. Master showed me that there was a name for them.
4 – Do you hope to gain anything as a person from M/s? If so, what?i have gained a lot. i have learned how to to give up my way. (i was a selfish little girl before.) i have learned that i don't have to be perfect to love myself or be worthy of love. There is still a lot for me to learn, though. Like grace even when things are very difficult. Acceptance of things that have to be done (getting better at this one, though still shaky).
5 – What do you hope to gain in your relationship from M/s?i know that it draws us closer together. Because M/s requires so much communication, Master and i know each other well, and we work together well.
6 – What, for you, is the hardest part of your chosen role? (master or slave)
Grace. Sometimes, i really just don't want to do as i am told. But i have no real choice but to obey, because i already made that choice. It is hard to give up any shred of personal time that might come along because Master wants me to go do something right then and there. But it also helps keep me focused, and i know that.
7 – Do you foresee this being a part of your life forever or do you think it will eventually fade away?i can't see us any other way than kinked. Maybe it will become more subtle, but i don't think so. Since long-long ago (11 years and counting) i've felt that i belonged to my Master...even before He put a name to what it is we do.
8 – What’s your favorite rule? (M types too!)Hmm. Favorite? i don't have one. We have several rules, but they are almost normal to me now, though i have been slacking on the high-protocol stuff.
Though i do really love sleeping in the nude, so i'm glad that's a rule. i guess that would be my favorite.
9 – What is more important in an M/s relationship: love, respect, or compatibility? Why do you feel this way?i think they are all important. But more important, i think is trust. i adore the fact that i love Master, and that He loves me, that we respect each other and that we're pretty darn compatible. But i'm not sure how far love, respect or compatability could take anyone without trust.
10 – How do you feel about limits in your current relationship? What, if any, do you have?
Just to still the safety police, Master and i both agree that children, death and dismemberment are hard limits. Beyond that, i trust Him enough to let Him say when enough is enough.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Mind you, i am still Master's property, and i'm doing my best to balance everything that i have on my plate. But it is hard. i very much enjoyed being a stay at home slave and mother to our child for the past two years, and this first semester is really evidence of how easy it can be for me to be just a slave without all of the extra stresses from outside of our household.
There are a lot of things rambling around in my head right now that are distracting as well. Recently, i had a conversation with someone who is completely kink-unfriendly about someone who is kinky. And that was hard for me. i don't think that having a fetish, kink or interest in BDSM is a bad thing, in fact, i see it as a healthy way to explore all that it means to be human.
But this person, who finds it to be so unhealthy, talked about how people who are interested in that kind of thing are monsters. Which hurt. Because that person is someone important to me, and they have no idea that i am one of those people they called a "monster".
i know that abuse can exist in BDSM. But when we're talking about consent and even consentual non-consent, about BDSM relationships that both parties benefit from, those to me, are far healthier than some of the "vanilla" relationships i have had the pleasure of witnessing.
i know i'm not sick, i know i'm not demented and i know that neither Master or myself are monsters.
As far as i can see, there is no way for me to be able to share the richness that yeilding to those temptations can bring to someone's life. So what do i do? Avoid the subject? Continue to mull it over until my heart breaks because they can never accept that i have found happiness because i accept the darker part of myself?
That in itself has wound my brain around and around.
Regardless of this ramble, i wanted to post, and say that i'll try and find a few minutes here and there to put up some more regular posts, including sharing some of the rare moments Master and i find to make some heat of our own.