Sunday, September 13, 2009

Rambles from the girl

i'm not as good about coming here to blog as i should be. There are a couple of reasons for that, including Master has allowed me to go back to college and that between college and regular family stuff, there hasn't been a great deal of time for kink.

Mind you, i am still Master's property, and i'm doing my best to balance everything that i have on my plate. But it is hard. i very much enjoyed being a stay at home slave and mother to our child for the past two years, and this first semester is really evidence of how easy it can be for me to be just a slave without all of the extra stresses from outside of our household.

There are a lot of things rambling around in my head right now that are distracting as well. Recently, i had a conversation with someone who is completely kink-unfriendly about someone who is kinky. And that was hard for me. i don't think that having a fetish, kink or interest in BDSM is a bad thing, in fact, i see it as a healthy way to explore all that it means to be human.

But this person, who finds it to be so unhealthy, talked about how people who are interested in that kind of thing are monsters. Which hurt. Because that person is someone important to me, and they have no idea that i am one of those people they called a "monster".

i know that abuse can exist in BDSM. But when we're talking about consent and even consentual non-consent, about BDSM relationships that both parties benefit from, those to me, are far healthier than some of the "vanilla" relationships i have had the pleasure of witnessing.

i know i'm not sick, i know i'm not demented and i know that neither Master or myself are monsters.

As far as i can see, there is no way for me to be able to share the richness that yeilding to those temptations can bring to someone's life. So what do i do? Avoid the subject? Continue to mull it over until my heart breaks because they can never accept that i have found happiness because i accept the darker part of myself?

That in itself has wound my brain around and around.

Regardless of this ramble, i wanted to post, and say that i'll try and find a few minutes here and there to put up some more regular posts, including sharing some of the rare moments Master and i find to make some heat of our own.


Florida Dom said...

I know it has to be difficult when someone who is important to you doesn't understand your lifestyle, but I hope you don't let that person play with your head. There's nothing wrong with you or what you're doing. Good luck in dealing with this.


jenpet said...

@Florida Dom:

Thanks. It is really hard. It is especially so because there is a third party involved (the reason the conversation went the route of "BDSM is bad"), and i am very close to the third party, so i feel that i am trapped in the middle.

Personally, i've made my peace with who i am, and what i like.