So. It has been a little too long between my posts. (sadface) Life is crazy, and the life we lead seems to occasionally compound its complexities.

It's highly frustrating to me, sometimes, to be so utterly dependent upon Master for so many things. For example, it's against the rules for me to have any kind of sexual release without His prior permission. For as shy as i still am about things related to sex, it makes it difficult for me to get up the gumption to ask for permission.

Combine that with the fact that there is very little time for me to do anything but the basics of survival between my homework and raising our son, and that results in 1) no time to ask, 2) no courage to ask, and 3) no time to accomplish said release if i was brave enough to obtain permission anyway.

This is not to say that Master doesn't consider my needs. He considers that -- and frequently asks me to cum on command, which i am capable of doing.

Yet.

It. Is. Not. The. Same.

Or really even satisfying. It ramps up the need i feel to be under His boot, be tormented by His hands, His mind, and find myself to be deliciously small and worthless as He fills His needs.

Which is one reason i am perpetually grateful for my Master -- because when we do get the chance, He knows exactly how to go all out. With or without the toys.

When we do get the chance, it is often hard for me to make an accurate accounting of what we did here, on this blog, because my brain is so fuzzed with delight, the animal sense of carnality, that words and congruity are beyond my own capabilities.

Whether He hurts me or is kind to me, i cannot help but be driven to that animal mind, that place where the reality of the world doesn't apply anymore. Whether He delights in my pain, delights in a moment of my (sometimes fleeting) masochism, or if His purpose is to deliver bliss, or anywhere between, or if any of those things become blurred, i lust for those moments. If His purpose is to create useless anger in me, meek subservience, despair or joy, i lust for those times, too. Those moments where i am able to be the carnal creature He has made, the moments i feel completely and utterly at home.

But the in-between times? Regardless if they are a day, or near a month, they are too long, and it makes life feel too cruel. And that is supposed to be His job.

When Try Becomes an Excuse...

As we have written about a great deal, our opportunities for play have dried up like a watering hole on the Sahara thanks to our little one. We have tried to sate ourselves on the subtler aspects of our high protocol dynamic, but it seems more and more that this just serves to remind us both how lacking everything is.

This has also brought with it an interesting situation. To be completely honest, as I expect my slave to be, when faced with a task she is unsure about she tells me she will try. For instance, I gave her a paddling just the other day for not getting the laundry put away the day she brought it home from the laundromat. This gave our son plenty of time to spread it around the bedroom and nearly the whole house. Obviously, not good. Not to mention the wrinkles in my work clothes that are just unacceptable.

After the punishment, I asked her if she was going to remember to put the laundry away right away the next time. She responded with, "i'll try, Master." Now once in a while or when I know there might be something that will potentially interfere with her ability to get some task done, I can accept i'll try. However, it seems that I hear that being uttered every time I tell her to do something or to be more mindful of something. It appears to me that i'll try has become a blanket excuse for only putting forth the barest of effort. When there is a task for someone to do, whether it is knowingly within their ability or not and they approach it with try, it seems that the task is less likely to get done. This largely strikes me as a huge lack of commitment. I also cannot help but hear Jedi Master Yoda every time she says i'll try, "Do, or do not. There is no try," and though I'm a huge Star Wars fan, that little green bastard is getting damned repetitive.

I know that right now there are a number of huge demands upon both of our time. Our son and my slave's school work have taken an obvious tole. As mentioned before, I feel that school should take some priority, especially since in doing so she is obeying my wishes. However, I cannot help but feel that any and all other desires or interests that I may have have fallen so far along the way side that I cannot even see them in the rear view mirrors any more.

I feel what is needed is a re-dedication to her role as my slave through heavy, immersive play and punishments. However, such activities have little chance to be realized for a long time, thus causing the whole thing to circle back around to the beginning. What fun...

Admitting Wanting

Hi folks! Trying to be semi-regular with our video blogs, so here's our third edition. Master's still trying to come up with a subject for His audio or video (not sure which He'll do yet) so if you have any suggestions, feel free to leave 'em in the comment section, or over on FetLife.

Remember, my video blogs are about how i work, how i think, and how we work...It's not about the general BDSM community, or how folks new to their own dynamics should force their roles into the ones that Master and i share. It's about us.

Please do feel free to leave us comments! You may also watch our videos at the source by going to blip.tv.

The Nature of Sharring that which is Precious...

Sharing. It's something that parents try to instill in their children from a young age. The virtues of sharing and being generous with what you have fill many tales and parables. And yet... Sharing that which is most precious is such a challenge.

As many of you may have read elsewhere, my slave has returned to school. A full load of course work coupled with our lovely, precocious child has very effectively eaten up most of the time that I get with my pet.

A few years ago she was a full time career woman, working in an office, and dressed in professional/casual attire. At the end of her day, she would come home to strip down and fall to her knees as the carnal slave she is. I enjoyed this secret double life to some extent. However the stresses of the day often got in the way of her sliding easily back into the mindset of being a collared beast.

Then came the day when our beautiful baby came into the picture. Suddenly my career slave found herself a full time mother. Quite the shift in lifestyle as you can probably imagine, or know from personal experience. A mommy slave. With this miracle came a whole new set of difficulties and challenges to our dynamic. First of all, the physical recovery of having a child cut from one's belly. It takes a long time for things to heal well enough to pound the hell out of a cunt, one way or another. Then the complete loss of time that goes into the care of an infant. All of these can be expected and therefore considered and even planned around.

But then came something that was completely unexpected, at least for me at that point. It was what I refer to as the Mommy Factor. Suddenly my sweet little obedient slave who barks, laps up piss, and drinks cum was dictating to me the appropriateness of things I wanted her to do. This became a very annoying and regular hindrance that was eventually dispelled.

Now we have this complete drain on our time to deal with. As with all college classes the course work starts to pile up at the end of the semester and my darling pet is under the gun this week. We haven't had a chance to take advantage of the normal narrow windows of opportunity that we get during our child's nap times and bed times. Even the off handed mention of needing a quick blow job is met with rolling eyes and a flurry typing.

Now I am a dominant that believes in bettering one's property. Whether that be through the pursuit of Yoga, belly dancing, martial arts, continued education, whatever. I believe that she should be at her best for me and that her accomplishments and achievements reflect on me as her Master. As a result if I have to share her with the world and allow that small bit of time I have to enjoy her to be eaten away that much more, then so be it. It's not easy, but then, as we always say around here, If it were easy, we wouldn't want it. But good gods am I looking forward to her winter break...

Some More Worthy Questions...

Here are some more questions by Florida Dom.

You said you made her beg to cum.
Do you usually allow her to cum when she begs? And how often do you allow her to cum?

Yes, the rule is that she must beg for permission to cum. I don't always let her cum when she does. Many times I'll make her wait five, ten, maybe even fifteen or thirty minutes, teetering on the brink before I'll let her. Sometimes I'll give her a choice between something she really wanted, say being allowed to see while I fuck her or giving me kisses or the like, and cumming.

Like everything in her life, it is a privilege to cum, not a right and she had better beg for it and show some serious gratitude following. I allow her to come quite often as she is multi-orgasmic. An average number of orgasms for her is about six or seven times per fucking. She wanted me to mention that our current record is twenty-one orgasms in a day for her. I like that number.

And you said she's not a willing slave, she said she's a dominated one. How does she show you she's not a willing slave? Does she make you force her to do things?

As for this question, it does boil down to a matter of semantics. We define a submissive as an individual who willingly submits, choosing to obey the wishes of the dominant. If they decide they don't want to do something, they don't have to because they are not bound to their Dom's word like a slave is. Basically the difference for us between a submissive and a slave is that a submissive ultimately has choice and the slave doesn't. Even if it's something they're afraid of or down right, positively don't want to do, a slave has no choice and must do as they are instructed by their owners.

Anyway, that definition aside, when it comes to my girl, she does not identify as a submissive. It isn't that she has an inherent and self motivated need to obey, its that she has a deep seeded and unyielding desire to be forced to obey. It might be a subtle difference to some, but its how we view it.

A good example can be seen in some of the more recent pictures on our Fetlife profile. Earlier that evening I had told her to come over and lick my feet before I went to work. She has a problem with feet, she thinks they are funny looking. She grumbled, slowly meandered over, and barely flicked her tongue over the top of one foot before running off to return to whatever she was doing.

Okay, I thought and went to work. But while I was there I devised her punishment and when I came home at around 2:00 am, I set to work on my devices. I prepared the ring gag, readied a plastic zip tie, pulled out the chain leash, retrieved the riding crop, and pulled my sweaty socks off, all in anticipation of her torment. I clipped the leash to her chain and dragged her out of bed, a rude awakening to be sure. She fell to her hands and knees and I pulled her along to the office. There I tied on the ring gag, bound her hands and shoved her head down to my feet. I then lay a few heavy crop swats across her ass and ordered her to lick.

She was groggy, had cotton mouth, bleary eyed, and had two welts rising on her ass, but still she stuck out her tongue and got to work like a good slave. She gave me a complete tongue bath on both feet up to the ankles, suckling each toe as best she could before I put her on her knees and jacked off into her mouth. Finally I sent her to bed, a happy slave with a mouthful of cum and a stinging backside.
Were she more submissive in character, she would have been more thorough the first time, not having needed the punishment to do it right. At least by our definition and my standards.

I hope that helps to give a better view into our dynamic. Thanks for the questions, keep them coming...