Though Master and i have formed a 24/7 relationship that works for us, He's less demanding than many other Dominants i have encountered. There aren't a whole lot of "rules" for me to follow. The directives that i have been given are "serve, please and obey my Master". Pretty simple, right? Oh, sure there are a few actual rules that we live with, including needing to ask permission to leave the room, not sitting on furniture without permission and to always give Him the title of "Master" when i speak to him.
So, why do i feel the need to gripe about how "difficult" He makes it? Why do i always paint myself into a corner when it comes to lashing out at the confines of my submission? Especially considering that as long as i am serving, pleasing and obeying, Master pretty much gives me as much rope as i want? What is it, about Master reminding me to obey His simple directives, that sends me off into a battle of wills that i will never, ever win?
i think i'll never know the answer to those questions. But, i did it again. i lashed out against Master's directives, and was willfully disobedient and obnoxious. Granted, it was something silly, and we laughed while i did it, but Master did tell me, repeatedly, "NO" and yet, on i went...and continued to dig myself a hole by griping about some of the very few rules that Master has lain down for me...for the second time in one day.
Regardless, for this week, Master has decided to show me how easy i really do have it. Instead of offering Master his title, following every time i speak to Him, i am required to say “my Master, my Owner.” Instead of being able to look at Master, my eyes are to be downcast (i find this one difficult, as Master's eyes are so expressive and beautiful). Furniture is purely off limits...even my computer chair (gaaah!). When Master comes home from work, i am required to offer him the evil, evil white plastic kitchen spoon (which Master calls the “punishment spoon” while i simply call it the evil plastic spoon). For an entire week, i am required to wear a collar – and while this one shouldn't be a big deal (and i'm sure that some would say “WTF?”) i'm claustrophobic and collars often make me feel panicky. Lastly, before i'm allowed into bed, i must passionately worship Master's feet and beg to be allowed the permission to sleep in His bed...
It's only been since this morning, and already, i know i have wracked up a few reminders of my place and my responsibility to be Master's obedient girl.
While i long for the time to be close to Him, and very much look forward to His return home, i am also dreading it. While i do not want time to speed up (there are far too many things that need doing!) i do not know if i can handle this coming week.
i do hope that it will remind me that Master is very kind and generous, and the rules that He has given me are very simple, and it shouldn't be a problem for me to obey each and every one without needless griping.
i am sad. Roles Defining Rules has only existed for about five days, and already i look like a horrible, horrible slave and not much of a submissive.