Though i didn't really know that there was such a thing as S/M or BDSM or M/s relationships, i've always gravitated towards the submissive, masochistic end of things. It's a wonder i didn't end up accidentally doing myself in as a child with clumsy self bondage... (chuckle)
Thankfully, i have known B for well over half of my life, and as a perpetual best friend who was always open to communication, renewing the friendship and longing for a future together, He has been a guiding light in my life. Interestingly enough, it was a silly game of truth or dare that clued us in to our mutual interests in what He knew of as BDSM and i thought of as “that thing which only exists in the dark”. Following that little game, as our relationship grew, blossomed and expanded, we delved into the fascinating world that kink opens to those who are willing to give in to their desires.
B and i are creeping up on ten years as Dominant and submissive - and eight years married - and in that time, we have made amazing self-discoveries, formed friendships and fallen deeper in love.
We participated in PEP (People Exchanging Power) made friends, visited other kink-friendly clubs (some of which have gone the way of the dodo, sadly), played at play parties, hosted a few friendly get-togethers, played with friends (who are still much loved, but distance now prohibits continued interactions) and grown leaps and bounds as Dominant and submissive, Master and slave, Sadist and masochist.
Without B, i would be lost. He is, as i said, a guiding light – i am thankful that throughout our relationship, He has worked so diligently with me. While i fit best into the submissive's role, sometimes i have difficulty in behaving as a submissive should. i am wild, willful and opinionated. Too often, i want things done my way, instead of His way, and have been known to throw a tantrum or two.
Of late, however, i am finding it easier to sink into that somewhat mythic place called “sub-space” and exist in the desires He has, despite my own thoughts.
Now, we are crossing into new territory, and are less timid about putting ourselves out there.
We are no longer newbies, and while there are still some concepts that terrify me, i am no longer afraid to put myself under His hands and in His thoughtful care. i am becoming more comfortable with who i am and less concerned with what people think of me.
i do think it is time for the world to look at BDSM and begin to understand that those who practice the lifestyle with as much care and concern as most of us do are not dangerous, evil or disgusting. i think the more of us “kinksters” who give voice to the community, perhaps those who we define as “vanilla” can see that what we do, is actually a healthy, open relationship.
So here we are...Letting others see our Roles Defining Rules.
And that's the who, what, when and why of it.