Saturday, March 29, 2008
An appropriate beginning...
Well, I wracked my brain (I wish I had a rack, ohhhhh, but I digress) to find a topic that would most appropriately consummate this blog. Fortunately for me, my precious slave provided me the perfect topic.
The realities of a 24/7 Master and slave lifestyle.
W/we live a 24/7 D/s lifestyle and any of you out there that have ever actually tried a 24/7 relationship know that it is anything but roses (some lovely thorns though...). Oh it is very rewarding and truly a remarkable experience, but the balance of factors, i.e. the slave's needs coupled with the demands upon the household from outside influences such as work, bills, family, etc., coupled with the realities of human nature, coupled with time to be one's self... So on and so on. It is about knowing yourself as much as knowing the slave or the lifestyle you choose.
I have known my slave/wife for just about ever. W/we met way back when in elementary school, though the specific grade is still a matter of debate. W/we began O/our journey into the BDSM lifestyle in high school and were married a year or two after graduation. Being newly-weds into the scene the appeal for me to collar my new wife as a 24/7 slave was, as one would imagine, inescapable. Now I will probably never openly admit that I suffered from the "I know it all" attitude... Wait, did I just... Nah. Any way, everyone who has ever lived with someone for the first time will recognize just how long it takes to truly become accustomed to them. I believe the figure I had heard once before was a minimum of two to three years to become in sync with their living habits. Now add to that the pressures of being "the one in charge" who is (mostly in his own mind) supposed to automatically know every tiny variable and how it will affect the larger picture, as well as a particularly wild girl who is still trying to find a comfortable place within the ever constricting role placed upon her.
Whilst playing, when the roles were clearly defined she behaved as she should and W/ we had many great experiences. When it was the middle of the day and W/we had just gotten home from work or college; it was hit or miss. It was all a matter of moods, was she in the mood to obey? Was I in the mood to allow her not to? How long did W/we fight about it at the time? If I swatted her ass for her misbehavior, would it constitute the correction of a willful slave or something worse? Not exactly smooth sailing.
Fortunately for U/us, W/we loved each other enough and respected each other enough (sometimes just barely enough) to see it through. W/we have been married now for going on eight years and she has been my collared slave for nearly ten.
And now, just within the last three or so years have W/we finally started to settle into a comfortable 24/7 lifestyle. W/we have gained a much better perspective on who W/we are, how W/we complement each other, and how O/our roles should continue to be defined. (Notice the blog's title, eh? Eh?) Not to say that W/we have, or are likely to ever stop growing or redefining the roles and rules, but thankfully W/we have been moving quite well towards the proper direction. Which leads me (how expertly navigated if I do say so myself) through the soup of letters, to last night.
Ah, last night, in the middle of the night I might add, my slave was having some issues in getting comfortable and staying asleep. She became frustrated and began to kick the covers off and flop around. This kind of violent motion kicks me into survival mode (a long story of years of nighttime body bombs from my younger half brother who's sole purpose in life at that point was to torment me horribly) and I jumped out of bed ready and willing to beat back the barbarians at the gate, because who else but a roving horde of marauding vandals could make the bed shake like that. Groggy and a might bit irate, I was understandably irked to discover that the ruckus that I had mistaken for an invading war party was simply an irritated girl who was discomforted and apparently felt the need to be pissy about it.
I took a deep breath and stood over her in the least menacing way I could and asked if there was anything I could do to help assuage her apparent discomfort. I offered water, I offered food, I offered sit on her head until she stopped squirming; to no avail. Instead she felt it was necessary to lie there peeved and silent. Now one thing I imagine that all Doms take exception to is when their property starts to ignore them. Needless to say, this did not go over well with me.
Now, the point of all of this babble. (Yes finally, the point) Given O/our relationship, there were a number of ways I could have handled this. The married option, of which there were two or three choices: 1. Crawl back into bed and forget the whole thing until morning. 2. Tried everything in my arsenal, including baby talk, to try to talk her down and get to the root of the problem, offering what ever bribe was necessary to get it out of her, including chocolate, flowers, and the like. Or 3. Go out into the front room and sleep on the couch, forgetting the whole thing until the morning.
However, I am very pleased to say that I chose the D/s way. That was to sit her ass up in the bed, wrap my fingers into her hair as to affirm my control and ownership over her and revoke her privilege to sleep in my bed if she were going to be such a whiny bitch about it. This got her attention, and quick. Then the tears came and the sobbing and the pleading, which of course I love to hear.
I made her get down on the floor, on her knees and convince me that she should be allowed back into my bed. Now mind you all, this was at freakin' three in the morning after I had finally managed to drag my tired bones to bed at midnight; I was in no mood for anything short of piteous groveling and heart felt begging from a lowly slave mutt. She huffed and she puffed and whined like a little bitch for the first fifteen minuets, but after a while she finally realized exactly what I wanted from her and she bent down and kissed my feet, buried her head in my crotch (W/we sleep in the nude so she may very well have been poked in the eye;) and begged and groveled like the lowly, piteous little slut slave she is. Marvelous.
I made very sure that she was regaining her composure and that she would not be throwing any more fits in bed before I allowed her to come back up. A slave must know their place, period. I told her that she was just stressed out and needed some time to take a deep breath before trying to go back to sleep. So she nuzzled up to me and sobbed her last cute little sobs. Amazingly, W/we were both able to get back to sleep from that point on.
As the morning came around I must admit that I was concerned that my reaction to her problems might have stepped over a line. Oh sure, I believe that I acted appropriately for a startled, pissed off yeti of Dom at three in the bloody morning, or even just a normal, everyday Dom faced with a pissy slave. I laid down the law, put my slave in her place, and changed her perspectives to enable her to sleep soundly. Though, how would she feel? Would I be ducking dinner plates, counting the number of strokes I would later have to administer for the malicious flinging of our dinner ware? Would I get the silent treatment combined with just the right amount of tears to make me feel like an uncaring dick? Would I be forced to a week or more of hands on self-love because she suddenly came down with "the cramps"?
To my great surprise and delight, my slave thanked me for my handling of her. She said the magic words, "You were right, Master" (oh, like candy), she said she was apparently more stressed out than she thought she was and needed to be put back into her place.
Validation! Now I don't think it too un-Masterly of me to be excited by the prospect that enforcing my slave's role upon her in the midst of a very real life situation was the right call. In fact I see it as a milestone. W/we are at a point where O/our D/s roles have taken more of a precedent within O/our every day lives than any other. W/we are progressing further and further along the path of the 24/7 Master/slave. How wonderful;).