Make Merry...

...for it is the holiday season!

my semester has ended, and while life won't be topsy-turvy busy because of school, we're still swamped with things to do. Thankfully, Master and i have had a few significant chances to get in some much needed time to connect as Sadist and masochist, Owner and property. There are pictures over on His FetLife page, if you want to see. ☺

i'm feeling somewhat better, less depressed, less taken by my grief, more myself. Which is nice. On Christmas day, i'm sure i'll cry, missing those who aren't with us this year, but i am looking forward to sharing the holiday with Master, as i have for the last 11 years.

But beyond Solstice, Christmas and the birthdays that fall in between and after, i'm really hoping that Master and i might come up with one or two days that will belong solely to us -- er, Him -- in which Master can do all of the things He wants, whims uninterrupted by everything else. We hope.

Meanwhile, from us to you, Happy holidays. Blessed Yule. Happy Solstice. Merry Christmas. Or...whichever holiday is most appropriate to you. May your New Year start with a blessedness, may 2012 bring you happiness, peace, joy, and lots of kinky good times.

Meh2 & Thankfulness

Still sort of meh. i'm looking forward to Thanksgiving - though it will be a sad one. Even when you know someone is unwell and will be crossing over soon, the moment it hits still sucks. And it sucks because that new loss, however different or far apart it is from the old losses, will still tear those wounds open, just enough to hurt. i try to keep remembering that we were given more years than we expected - that she was ready to go home to her love on the other side. Yes, i'm being purposefully vague and feeling sorry for myself about the loss. (That being said, i still send and share my sympathies with my online friends who have experienced their own losses this year, and to those who are still struggling to see their families healthy again.)

Most importantly this Thanksgiving, for me, though:
1. Master loves me. He puts up with me, He takes care of me, whether i am well, ill or grieving.
2. Master and i have an amazingly intelligent and beautiful son.
3. Master likes my family, and is loved by my family, and He's willing to spend time with them.

<3 You, Master. Forever and always. i know that these last few weeks have been filled with much "meh" but my heart finds the song of joy when You smile at me.

If anyone out there is reading... Have a happy Thanksgiving. Treasure your loved ones, and yourself.

meh.

So. We're totally staying on top of blogging and everything. (eyeroll.)
Right now, i'm personally struggling a bit. Except for my bright spot - Master - things have been kind of hard. Things around me have kind of spiraled. i recently lost someone very close, have had bad things happening to friends, family and have felt like a complete failure as Master's property.
He keeps reiterating that these things have been beyond my control, but i can't help but feel that i'm letting Him down. It feels like years ago, when i would literally, not move for days because i was too eaten up by the darkness, the brokenness i sometimes feel. i feel pathetic, unprepared, and i feel a bit like a fool writing this in the blog (but then, we've never tried to present ourselves as a flawless painting, so i guess it isn't so out of place...).
i don't want to be this way. But grieving takes time. Realizing that i can't control the world and keep everyone safe, happy and healthy isn't going to drag me out of this, at least not all at once.
But there's no option to lay here and cry for days. There's no time for that. And even so, i feel like i'm falling flat, not keeping up with the things i need to do, other than the most basic...
But we're here. He is Master and i am property. Just not entirely functional property.

 

Turn the fan on!

We didn't fall off the face of the Earth.

Summer did get super busy and super hectic, though. We're still trying to squeeze in kinky fun wherever possible. We're still muddling on. i've headed back to school -- boo 12 credits this semester and (sadly) 3 credits next semester. We're trying to beat the heat, but must confess it's largely beating us... Last night at 9 pm it was still 90 degrees (F). Blasted heat. Tonight doesn't look much better.

i haven't forgotten about the 4th "Thunder Recap" that i promised. It's mostly written, but i lost the high from the event, and it makes me kind of sad that we don't get to have super intense fun like that as often as Master or i crave it, so it's been hard for me to finish writing. i will do my best to post it soon, though.

i also have a few other ideas percolating, and hope to get those out there, and hopefully either Master or myself will find the time to write up some of the kinky fun we do manage to squeak into our frantic lives.

And with that, i must go stuff myself in the freezer, because it is far too hot to be doing anything else.

Whee!

It's been a crazy few weeks here...

And Master and i are excited people. This weekend, we'll be kid-free and attending an event we've wanted to attend for years. We're going to Thunder In the Mountains!

Even better, we'll be able to spend some time with our dear playmates Master Pravus and Red Vinyl Kitty! 

Even though i've always wanted to go to Thunder, i wasn't too sure how i was feeling about it this year. i mean - it's not easy to break away from the routine, and i'm, well, crazy-nut-balls-anxious about everything that isn't routine. As we've gotten closer, i've found myself more and more exited about the whole thing. There's a chance that we might run into folks we've met on FetLife (though we won't be able to make the pre-Thunder meeting), there's lots of cool seminars going on, throughout the weekend, and play-parties. Master and i haven't seen a public play party in at least seven years. We remember them fondly, and we're pretty excited to see how those work out. 

As soon as we're back from Thunder, we're planning on blogging the experience. Because Thunder is an extremely privacy-oriented event, there won't be any pictures from the event itself, but if we manage to get some private playtime in, of course we'll have photos of that to share!

i'm off to start the packing! (Yes, i know it's only Wednesday, but that's okay. i want to be ready for Friday morning with plenty of rest under my belt.)

1, 2, 3 & 4 Monday

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Nothing in Place

 Oh, the kinky fun we've had! Lately, things have been shaping up reasonably nicely for Master and i to snatch some quality time together. It's meant a lot, to both of us. i feel more grounded, more satisfied in my place, and overall, i think Master has generally felt better about things, too (other than the depths with which He hates what He has called "enduringly pathetic employment").

Yesterday was an example of the heaven that summer break has provided Master and i. After a morning of puttering about outside, including Master working on the basic auto care for His car, we returned inside to enjoy slushed gatorade and watch a movie. As we watched a movie that we wanted to see, our lovely, rambunctious munchkin did something unexpected. He cozied in for an early afternoon nap. Master and i fled upstairs, hurriedly and huskily discussing what we wanted to do. Just sex? Something more complicated? A full blown scene?