Not vanished...

We're still around.

Really. We're settling in to our new place very well, and despite the strangeness of the last few months, have had opportunities to get our kink on. In fact last week, we had four days in a row where we had more than just quickies!

i even had a bruise or two on my bum (which never, ever marks easily, despite the patchwork of bruises on the rest of me from my clumsiness), a few odd bruises and rope burns on my breasts and sore ribs and tummy muscles.

The downside to all of this is that we still don't have intarwebs in our home. i am missing blogging, reading blogs, FetLife and the other numerous time wasters the internet provides. But i've enjoyed spending more time reading some of my favorite fiction books.

But here things are settling, returning to some semblance of normal, i'm feeling secure as property, and we're enjoying all of it... But next week we unsettle all of that again, Master has agreed to let me continue with college. So off to classes i go. With the hope that we can continue to build on what we have now, that the kinky fun won't disappear, that i'll still be satisfied in my place as His property...

And we will be back as soon as we can. Lack of intarwebs is sad. (Master misses His porn.)

Good God!...

Wow! Moving can be such a pain in the ass! Don't get me wrong, we love the new place, it is vastly better than our old place. But we still have no internet! Nothing now for over a month! I am going crazy. I haven't been able to post, haven't been able to go to Fetlife, no new porn. It's nuts!

We have been able to play a bit in the new place, opportunities taken in the wee hours of the night when only crickets and miller moths are awake. Sweet agony and desperate gasping followed by shuddering orgasms. Oh how delicious.

Also I managed to complete both sets of stocks. Beautiful and imposing, they eagerly await regular use. I am now playing with notions of more elaborate and heavy duty furniture, a bondage chair with custom bits and metal restraints. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm. We'll see.

Regardless, I just wanted to drop a note to all of our friends and readers, we are still here. We are still playing, and we will, some day, be back regularly and stronger than ever. I'm looking forward to sharing new pictures, videos, and stories. We miss you guys, have a great summer. I'll try to be back on again later.

Unexpected Weapons

Before the big move, Master and i found ourselves with an opportunity shortly after He arrived home for the evening (at a slightly ridiculous hour). Having had most of our toys packed away, i did hope that we could just slide into easy sex where His hands demonstrated the power exchange that always exists between us.

It can be chalked up to stress and anxiety levels, i suppose, that my body didn't respond how i thought it should. i asked to snuggle with Him, to be touched and possessed, and somehow or another, that quietness degraded rather quickly.

See, last summer, we bought tons of those freezer pops for our tiddly. But one bag never got put in the freezer and as we were packing recently, little person found them, ripped open the bag and had been waving them about. Being consumed with the need to pick up everything else, those unfrozen freezer pops remained where they had been left.

So, as i was laying over the edge of the bed, looking at the floor, while Master was doing cruel things to my shoulder because i had been picking on Him in one way or another, and i had the brilliant idea to whack Master with a goofy plastic tube of liquid. Being Master, He cannot be outdone. So He stole it, and we proceeded to have a war with the unfrozen freezer pops. i whacked at Master wherever i could reach, Master whaled on my ass...and it was good.

Then one broke, flinging sticky orange, corn-syrup saturated liquid around the room.

But it was fun.

And the sex was good.

All because of freezer pops.

Upheaval

As i mentioned in my last blog, we're moving. Big stress. Big crazy.

This also means we're leaving our DSL behind and are planning to get ourselves settled, back into routine, back to being Master and slave without having niggling anxieties eating away at the slave part.

We will be able to occasionally visit the web and hopefully update everyone on what's going on with us, the progress that we make returning to a more centered M/s lifestyle...but i can't predict how often, as it won't be our intarwebs.

We may choose to get our new intarwebs service hooked up sooner than i think.

But, in the meantime i do have a few blogs that are supposed to pop up occasionally throughout the month.

Meantime, have fun, play nice, and know we'll be back with some interesting new materials.

P.S. When i say "play nice" i mean, rock your socks off and do all the horribly wonderful kinky/sadistic/masochistic things you're inclined to do whenever you have a moment.

Stress

May has been complicated. Expecting things to ease up at the end of the semester was a bit of a mistake. It obviously didn't, and both Master and i have been on edge because we're moving. Not really where we want to, but it's a step up from where we are, despite the location.

my anxiety levels have been out of control. i continue to feel anxious, on edge and frustrated. And the heat doesn't help either. See, Master and i have gotten spoiled by having a wonderful air conditioner...and despite our move being a step up, the little place doesn't have an air conditioner. So, despite the heat, we've resisted the urge to flip the switch and learn to deal with the heat while we pack our items for the big move.

Having most of our goods packed already has been difficult. When opportunities arise, knowing that most of our toys have already been packed is like a blow to the gut. Takes the wind out of (at least, in my case) the sails. Lusting for things that are packed tidily away. Phooey.

Soon, soon.

Complicated/Coexisting

So. School is over. But, somehow or another things aren't as calm and centered as i hoped. i haven't spent a day caged or chained, at His mercy while He takes care of the "real world" confining me to being His object, something unimportant in His life.

And while i'm grateful for His understanding, His patience and acceptance of my wants and needs, i am also hoping that the day that He yanks me out of reality will happen soon.

An interesting thing has come about in my slavery. i think i'm a better functioning person, i have more self-value. i'm a better partner. i'm a better parent. But i'm also none of those things - i am not a person, i am property, an object. In ten years, the conflict that i perceived has come to coexist. That's not exactly right -- there isn't a conflict, i just thought there would be.

Sure, sometimes i don't feel balanced. Master is perceptive of that, and while not generally happy that i can't always quash those feelings and just be the object He owns, He gives me the time i need. But those fragments of me, they aren't fragments anymore, they are components of the whole, components of my identity, and i need all of them to be satisfied with all of it.

i am a better person than i was when Master took me as His. But i know He didn't make me better for my sake, it wasn't out of some noble purpose. Master made me better because it's what He wants from me. Ideally, i'd spend far more time at His mercy and hurting then we are capable of forcing into the few hours we have, but He wanted me to have greater self-value and yet no self-value.

So, soon, i hope, we can find a bit of time for me to sink all the way to the worthless part of me, the part that delights in the isolation, pain, the object, the thoughtless property...

i'm ready for it.....

Something clever...

There's never enough time. Lately, it's been interesting around here. Master's been very cool, laid back and patient with me as my semester winds down to an end. i get wound up about what i'm not doing, and He just looks at me with those piercing eyes of His and says "If I'm not giving you a hard time about it, you don't need to be on your own case about it."

This morning actually worked out quite lovely. Master grabbed the clover clamps, purple duct tape, the replacement evil white spoon, some rope and GiGi (the very first Lelo purchase ever, btw, and it kicks ass) and we sought a bit of privacy.

The mingling of sadist and masochist, the delight of the intimacy of being laid bare beneath the power of my Master... Moments all too long in coming. The relief of pain and its focusing power have grounded me again. The delight of multiple orgasms intertwined, the satisfaction of feeling His pleasure upon my skin... All of it made me feel secure despite the many things that need doing before the end of this spring semester...

And then...months of being purely property. i cannot wait.