Growing

A while ago, i posted a blog encouraging folks to ask us questions, and we did have Florida Dom who came by and left us a slew of questions that need answering, so i thought i'd get a start on answering a few of the questions we were left.

-- Are you planning on taking things to a new level each time she gets accustomed to one level?

Master and i strive for growth. It is our intention to never allow for complacency in our relationship. In our eight years of marriage, protocols have been increased, scenes have intensified, and rules have changed. It seems that as soon as i am able to wrap my head around a change, be it verbal requirement or no longer being allowed to use furniture without permission, there is something new added to our interactions.

When we used to visit family, that was the one time it seemed i could get away with...well...being a bit of a brat (though i might pay for it later, depending upon his mood). Now when we visit family, rules still apply, i have to ask Him for permission for a drink, the ability to use the bathroom, and the like, though it probably hasn't been noticed.

--How tall are each of you and what do you weigh and what are her measurements?

i'll let Master answer His part in His way... i am 5'5, weigh more than i'd like at 175, my bra size is 36D, my waist is 35 inches 'round and my hips are 40 inches.

--Why don't you post pictures on your site as well as Fetlife?

Master and i have talked about this ─ and while we may post pictures here in the future ─ for now, we enjoy the fact that FetLife's pages aren't crawled by search engines, like our blog is.

--Do you do tit bondage until they turn purple?

Not recently. (pout)

--Does she have any piercings? If not do you plan some?

Right now, no. i've even let my plain old ear peircings close. However, Master has said that He has interest in some peircings, so we'll see where that goes.

Abiding realities

There's been BDSM bloggers (peruse our blogroll for "Under His Hand" and "The Journey") lately pondering whether or not the Master/slave relationships are merely an illusion. So many of us view our status as the slave or the Master as a permanent and unbreakable aspect of our relationships. So we strive to build lasting M/s relationships. But sometimes, even those lasting relationships face the loss of the M/s dynamic.

Sure, there are slaves being uncollared all the time, Masters walking away from their slaves, slaves walking away from their Masters, out to find someone more compatable. Rarely we see or hear about the M/s relationships that have become something more complex, where niether party wants to walk away from the other, but something keeps them from continuing in a M/s relationship.

And that leaves two people, whispering in the dark, trying to work out how to relate to each other.

my heart goes out to those who experience this... It terrifies me, too, as several times, Master and i have been trecherously close to throwing out the M/s aspects of our relationship permanently. Yet, what we have together is a long established friendship and abiding love. Neither of us can entertain the thought of parting ways, and yet, we know learning to relate to each other in a vanilla envrionment could very well be the scariest thing that we have faced in our lives. In thinking about this subject, my favorite Oscar Wilde quote comes to mind: "The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself."

All this talk comes down to the fact that each and every one of us, regardless of the length of time we have been involved in a Master and slave (or take your pick of terms) relationship, will always be individuals, doing our best to live together in harmony and sometimes, that just isn't possible. "Real life" and, by that, i mean outside forces, will muck up our best laid plans, and force us to places we never thought we'd go. Sometimes, a step back is something we have to do.

Once, four years into being my Master's girl and three years into being His wife, i essentially ran away from Him. i left our home, i left the city we lived in and the reach of His collar. At that point, i had never truly tasted independance. i had never lived on my own, outside of a home with family or with my Master. Six months later, He left the same to be where i was, because i'd learned something. i loved Him more than independance, i loved being with Him, being part of Him and my soul grew sick with longing without Him and without belonging to Him. That "step back" made me realize that the things i thought were important weren't, and what really mattered...

This post has been a bit of a ramble, but my point is, Master and slave relationships are kinky fun but once you throw deep, soul-connected, time-tested love into the mix it becomes a different creature entirely. Not only has the kink enticed us but the love has suffused every aspect of our roles bringing us to a point where they can't be used as a weapon for manipulation nor something that we throw away without a thought for the rest of our lives. The "playtime" M/s is over once love weaves its way throughout the dynamic and whether we mean it to or not, i think a part of us will always identify as the role we assumed inside that M/s relationship.

One final thought: may those special relationships infused with love, when "real life" requires them to step away from the M/s dynamic, abide with love.

Deep Considerations...

A while ago I came across a profile on Fetlife that really got my attention. As with most things that catch my attention, it got me to thinking. This woman was happily married to a man whom just recently, thanks to her, discovered his dominant side. In addition to her husband, she also had a Master, someone whom she trusted and submitted to completely.


This really struck me as singular. Sure, I have encountered happily married men who might have a male Master on the side, or a woman with many lovers and maybe more than one Dom/Domme. But to find a woman with both a Dominant husband and a Master! She clarified in her profile that her husband was not her Dom, that he was just her husband and that she had submitted completely to her actual Master.

How interesting, and it got me thinking with regard to my slave. I am such a dominant personality, in nearly everything I do and in the way I approach work, projects, my art, my marriage, etc. My slave has belonged to me for about ten years now and in a few months W/we will be celebrating our eighth year of marriage. This means that she has been my slave longer than she has my wife. So, is it possible that I have never really lived a married life? Has it always been a marriage in name only? Has our relationship been so focused upon my ownership of my slave wife that she has always been more of my slave than my wife?


Don't get me wrong, I see nothing bad or unacceptable or troublesome with that. Nor do I want to seem disparaging toward that lady and her different husband and Master. In truth I find that quite erotic and exciting. But if faced with the same situation, my wife enslaved by another man while I my self am a Dom. I don't know about that one. Perhaps some of you can see my dilemma here. Could you, as a dominant, comfortably and happily be married to a submissive who is enslaved to someone else but not you? Truly it makes my head spin and it makes me wonder if I have ever really allowed myself to consider my slave as anything other than my slave.


What are your thoughts about a relationship such as this? Could you do it, either as the Dom or the slave?