Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Gossip, Accusation, Drama

Over on FetLife, there's a thread in some group, (i'm not linking it here, but you can find the link in a tweet from @saynine) which is for victims to post the names of those whom they have played with or had a relationship with, who violated their trust, and abused them. They don't have to post the names themselves. They can send the name and the info to the group leader, who will post them "anonymously."

So there are anonymous comments about so-and-so's behavior, how they abused their victims, or about venues which did not keep players "safe."

And there are people who think it's valuable. To call out those who violated/abused them.

Sure, it'd be ideal for us to know the people we're playing with did their best to respect limits of their play partners. It'd be nice to know for sure if so-and-so really didn't play safe (by whatever definition of that you use when you play or scene).

But these are anonymous comments, and most of the time, as far as i can tell, the named "abusers" are not notified that their names have appeared in the thread.

This is not okay.

This is guilty until, well, someone deletes it and it's forgotten (so, usually, never). This is not even guilty until proven innocent.

This is gossip.

i agree that we should find a way to let other people know about "BDSM-er's" who don't play with some amount of respect for the person they are playing with.

i really don't think that the thread, with anonymous postings, on FetLife is the way. It's a way, but not a good way.

If i'd ever accused my rapist, i wouldn't have done it anonymously. Just saying.

1 comment:

Apsara said...

This is definitely not okay. It could so easily be abused and start filling up with lies by people who feel slighted by another person. And the person being accused should be notified! This is just a place for the gossipers and attention whores of FL to make some noise. I'm sorry to anyone who has actually made a legitimate claim, but I'm sure you are a minority there.