Thursday, June 20, 2013
Interesting that The Bloggess and Rayne posted about being down and depressed this week. Seems like it's been making the circuit lately, and i haven't been exempted. i hold no official diagnosis, and most of the time, i do feel fine and functional. But then there are suddenly these (sometimes long) stretches of time where i am not; not myself, not (really) functional, not anything. i get through the absolute base necessity needed by our household and then just, sit. i don't draw, i don't read, don't break out the xbox controller... i just don't do anything.
i put on fake smiles and giggles when required, and chatter incessantly as needed. But inside, i feel like an empty space, and the moment all needs are met, it's what i go back to. i'm good at acting fine, until the only one who can see is Master. That mindlessness concerns Master-Reaper outside of scenes. He doesn't like it and wants if fixed. For the last few days or weeks (i don't even know), he's been asking what he can do to help me, what i need. i've admitted to being overtired, which never helps anything.
So Master was going to let me sleep in today. He tried to, actually, pushing my body back into his bed. But something about my pathetic, depressed flop back into bed drew him back into the room, where he ripped my pants off and stuffed his cock up my cunt and his thumb in my ass. He filled the nothingness with a purpose, a use, making my body tremble at his whim. And then i made him breakfast.
Today, i think i can function at a little more than the base level. Just. And today i can have hope that i'm near the end of these doldrums, where it all goes on, and on, looking exactly the same as nothing. Because they've been buggered.