Tuesday, July 8, 2008

In Flux

Though we've had almost ten years to establish our patterns, protocols and rules, they have always been in flux. Often, i challenge the things He wants (though honestly without meaning to). Our household, and the way we have run it, is another thing that is constantly in flux. Which quite obviously, contributes to changes in our dynamic.

Entwining real life and a 24/7 M/s relationship is always a challenge. Especially, when the parties involved are both opinionated and have their own ideas on how things work and who is responsible for what. (Yes, i am an ornery, opininated girl. Go figure.)

For example, i've never been great at managing household tasks, but even though i'm a bit of a recluse, i have been pretty comfortable working outside the home with other people. This is not the same for my Master. Though He was a bit...messy...in His younger days, He had a better grasp of managing to operate a clean home, but is rarely comfortable working outside the home with other people. So when i have thoughts about what should be where, when the dishes should be done, where things belong and how often the carpet needs to be vacuumed, Master has His own thoughts and it's often hard for me to come to terms with that.

Recently, i've had a bit more inclination to run a cleaner home (though i still have yet to figure out how to balance all the things that need doing) but, my skills outside the home may need me to leave the managing of a functioning household to my Master. As i know it is His least favorite task, i feel guilty for not being able to do a better job of it.

All this, leaves me in a state of flux - the reorginization of priorities and managing being away from home and yet, still manage to come home to Master and be His, without question and without challenging His systems. Despite the fluxes, i am sure that in time, we will again find a balance to our lives and our dynamic. But in the meantime, both of us are a little edgy, a little overly critical (okay, maybe i'm the one that's overly critical) and frustrated by the need for changes in rules and protocols.

Nothing in life is ever set in stone - especially not in a 24/7 dynamic. In fact, as of yet, i don't know if i will cease to be His stay-at-home slave or if i will have to balance a career and my slavery. Things may change tomorrow, or not for weeks, months or whatever time measurement is appropriate, but they may not change at all. It may be that my focus needs to continue to be learning to manage the home better than i have.

Whatever it takes, i want Master to be happy with me, in whatever situation real life and our 24/7 lifestyle require.

No comments: