An undignified title...

In other words: "squee!!" 

After Master and i attended Thunder in the Mountains last July, we realized (again) just how much we missed being part of the community. When we started out, we were regular attendees of the local PEP (People Exchanging Power), and loved it. We met great people, we had a lot of fun, and we really had the space to experiment with our play. We committed ourselves to finding a way to make ourselves part of the closest local scene again, and this month, we managed to fulfill our early 2012 resolution. The timing all worked out, and though we got lost in our once familiar haunt, we found ourselves at the door.

Inside, we saw familiar faces, and though the traffic and getting lost had left a smudge on our initial moods, watching others engaging in their own scenes lifted our spirits and our excitement and we started looking for a place to play. Master and i really were looking for space to play with the Victor Tella signal whips we picked up at Thunder, and of course, some room for some serious martial arts inspired impact play. It was pretty crowded, so we weren't sure we'd find just the right spot.

It worked out that as soon as Master and i were really ready to get the ball rolling, one scene wrapped up (and was unwrapped - a little rope-pun) and Master and i experimented with the available space. Though many people comment on our pictures over on FetLife about how sexy i am, and many people tell me in person, i admit i have body-hang-ups. Master talked me through them, and pretty soon, i was happily cuffed and Master was whipping away. He started out with the flogger, and though i know it, i don't really remember it clearly. i fell into the scene fast. Nothing remains but the memory of movement, a bite of the tails of the pretty floggers, and Master's gloves. But the Dragon Tongue i do remember; it's pretty red tail biting and "cutting" into my flesh, the way it would lovingly wrap around my ribs to bite the flesh of my breasts, licked around my hips, and landed on my calves. i remember stomping my feet, sometimes turning around to look at Master as the tongue licked at whatever new target i gave Him. i was deep into the sensations of it all. Deep into the energy changing hands between Master and i. He took my pain and devoured it. i took His cruelty and lapped it up.

Even though Master and i have found that i do appreciate the sting of the whips far more than i appreciate more of a thud against me; there is one thud that i cannot get enough of... The feeling of Master using His limbs upon me as weapons. i begged Him to skip the whips, to kick me. As He is ever so kind, He agreed, and re-positioned me so there would be ample room for His intentions. i remember counting two sets of ten, but Master wasn't done with just 20. When i couldn't remember how to keep counting, i was on the verge of good tears. As much as i would have enjoyed crying for Him, i enjoyed what came next at least as much. Now that there was no counting, i was just a punching bag. There was no time to cry, and all i could do was laugh and howl with the joy of the pain Master gave me. Master kicked me, front kicks, side kicks, round kicks...and His fists were a flurry as well. Punches, slaps, and i think i felt a few well placed ridge-hands, landed upon my back, ribs and thighs. my legs crumpled under me as Master used His knowledge of pressure points against me. Left with quivering legs, kneeling upon the floor, held upright only by the cuffs, Master landed a few more blows upon me.

He brought me water (we learned from Thunder...we had it in our scene bag, along with some emergency chocolate and one of my favorite blankets), and we cleared the space for the next players. Initially, i thought i'd want to just curl up somewhere and nurse my sore legs, but once i was following Master i realized that moving felt far better, and we wandered around to watch a few other players.  A good friend, one of our fist friends from the scene, was there and had his claws out. On my already sore body, they were almost like little single jolts of electricity.

Before long, Master and i were set up again, with His jute quickly wrapping around me. There's not a lot from this part that i remember well, either, because i was really just a happy puddle of lovely neurotransmitter goop. Master asked me if i wanted to walk around, but that was pretty beyond my coordination levels, so He bound me down and ripped a couple of orgasms out of my body.

When He'd let me loose, i was pretty quick to bounce back to being frisky, and running away after He'd threatened to spray cold water all over me...

Being there was really, truly great. Fulfilling. We met people, old friends and new friends; had great scenes, connected with our inner Sadist and masochist (well - His Sadist, my masochist) in a way we haven't been able to for a while, and had a grand time indulging in our desires...

It was absolutely, spectacularly, awesome.

The sex at the hotel after the event and the next morning was pretty awesome, too.

And. i who almost never bears marks on my legs, ass or back... Have marks lingering from the event, and a lovely, lingering soreness...

We're seriously looking forward to our next chance!

(taps fingers...)

Gossip, Accusation, Drama

Over on FetLife, there's a thread in some group, (i'm not linking it here, but you can find the link in a tweet from @saynine) which is for victims to post the names of those whom they have played with or had a relationship with, who violated their trust, and abused them. They don't have to post the names themselves. They can send the name and the info to the group leader, who will post them "anonymously."

So there are anonymous comments about so-and-so's behavior, how they abused their victims, or about venues which did not keep players "safe."

And there are people who think it's valuable. To call out those who violated/abused them.

Sure, it'd be ideal for us to know the people we're playing with did their best to respect limits of their play partners. It'd be nice to know for sure if so-and-so really didn't play safe (by whatever definition of that you use when you play or scene).

But these are anonymous comments, and most of the time, as far as i can tell, the named "abusers" are not notified that their names have appeared in the thread.

This is not okay.

This is guilty until, well, someone deletes it and it's forgotten (so, usually, never). This is not even guilty until proven innocent.

This is gossip.

i agree that we should find a way to let other people know about "BDSM-er's" who don't play with some amount of respect for the person they are playing with.

i really don't think that the thread, with anonymous postings, on FetLife is the way. It's a way, but not a good way.

If i'd ever accused my rapist, i wouldn't have done it anonymously. Just saying.

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The middle...and the end...

With our first 21 hours whittled away, Master fully intended to make the most of me and our remaining kid-free time. Since i'd been chained to the bed all night, i was feeling a bit stiff, and Master kindly allowed me to get up, stretch and make breakfast - you know, morning stuff. The downside of the second day was the absolute flood of endorphines. my memories regarding the next scenes are very fuzzy and vague. 

Once Master had enjoyed His sausage, egg and Munster burrito and i'd happily scarfed my dry blueberry wheat cereal, Master was ready for the fun to begin in earnest. More rope was applied to me, and i remember loops and loops around my neck, and my hands bound again to my feet as i sat cross-legged. Master used the GiGi on me again. It felt like He kept me bound there for hours, before He took me again.

Master allowed me another shower, and then wanted to put me in the cage again. We'd both enjoyed the extra harsh confinement of it the previous evening that we wanted to experiment a little more with it. Once i was warm again, Master took us upstairs, where he poked fun of me for being excited about the coming torture.  

Instead of head down and ass up in the cage this time, Master had me on all fours (well, as close as possible, given the natural smallness of the cage), and created another clever trap for me. He compressed my breasts with dowel rods on either side, kept me pushed "properly" forward by running a bar across the sweet spot of my ass, trapped my head between two dowel rods for a while, ran one across my back, so i couldn't push up, and two trapped my arms. Where the ass up and head down adventure the previous evening created long lasting fatigue in my hips, legs and lower abdomen, this new cage trap He'd devised created upper torso and arm fatigue (though there was some strain on the legs, it would have taken much longer to build up).

While i was trapped, at His mercy (and feeling oh, so helpless and objectified), Master again took the GiGi out and teased me to orgasm. If one has never experienced an orgasm in a strained, unnatural position - it's like a firework exploding in a steel drum. The reverberations of the big O wash back over you, because there's no way to move the muscles as you might have naturally. i remember being very fatigued and begging to be let out, or have bars removed. i remember Master saying (my favorite) "just another minute" a few times. i also remember i was not graceful, and had a flare of anger at the pain, and Master had to remind me to mind my behavior. 

i was relieved when Master began removing the dowel rods that had held me immobile. Then He demanded that i quickly squirm through the small door and into His bed for His use. i confess, i was sore and sluggish, but after an indulgent 10 seconds or so collapsed in a little heap, i moved as quickly as i was capable of to His bed. He fucked me again, and allowed me more orgasms, though i couldn't spring back up after sex. i was worn out, tired, used up, content and a little sleepy. Master indulged me, and let me lay in His bed, bundled up and covered in sticky.

He came up to remind me that He had to go to work that evening, and because i would be alone, i was to stay naked, work on the blog, was allowed to eat one burrito, and be kneeling by the door when He came home. 

When i finished the first post about what had transpired, i texted Master to ask if i could play Skyrim. He graciously allowed me to play video games while i waited for Him to come home. When He did arrive home, he found me naked, Xbox controller in hand, and semi-kneeling by the door as i had just unlocked it for Him. 

Very soon after He had arrived home, we fucked again, and very soon after that, me and my tired, swollen, well-pounded cunt fell asleep. i think Master played Skyrim before He chained me to the bed. 

When i woke the next morning, we had a scant nine hours left before the return to dreaded normalcy. You know, being not-overtly kinky. And wouldn't you know, my back, on this day of all days, decided that i needed not just lumbar vertebra out of place, but that some thoracic vertebra should be seriously dislodged as well. Laying in bed hurt, sitting in bed hurt, but i tried to be still and quiet so Master could sleep. He woke up anyway. He's either way tuned into me or i am not as quiet as i think i am. Probably both.

He took a bit of mercy on me, and sent me away from bed (after unchaining me) so that i could find something comfortable to do with my back and play Skyrim. (Master spoils me sometimes.)

He slept, and i fapped about in the video game. Not exactly what we'd pictured when we imagined more than 48 hours with the kiddo having delightful fun elsewhere.. But when Master woke up, He asked for a blowjob, so a minor delight was achieved. i continued to play the game for a while. Master read my first blog post, and when i asked what He thought, He threw His pants on the couch and proceeded to fuck me. 

It was glorious, and we loved living the dream, for a few days. (And our little person gave us hugs when he saw us, while we smiled at each other over his shoulder.)

The show begins...

Over the semester break, Master and i have had lots of things to do. Lots. We looked at the list and thought "four weeks should be long enough." We definitely got pretty close. Especially since we managed to score two nights of kid-free time. Even more awesome, it's been two nights in a row. 48+ hours of kid free time, during which, i've been kept naked, as pleases Master, and frequently bound, frequently taken and tortured.

Bliss!

We started off the kid-free time easy, seeing a movie Master and i wanted to see, during which Master infrequently threatened me with the thumb cuffs He was keeping in his pocket. When He wasn't threatening me, He had a firm grip on both my hands and frequently squeezed them in excitement and glee. As we left the theatre and began the trek home, Master slipped the handcuffs out of the center console and slapped them on my wrists, nicely pulling my sweater down to cover them, after which He also added the thumb cuffs. We laughed, i whined about the thumb cuffs, and Master laughed at me. He received some texts from a friend, and while He drove, i read them, and replied through dictation. It was pretty awesome. Then i discovered i could pop my right thumb out of the thumb cuffs. After a bit of joking, i slipped my thumb back in them so Master could snap a quick picture, and then the meanie reached over and squished the cuff down. By the time we arrived home, my thumbs were a bit purple. Master and i planned to play all night - after all, He's been staying up to play Skyrim until 5 am or so - there was no reason we couldn't play until at least that time.

Master graciously allowed me a shower while He rearranged some furniture to make the most of the mid-week "vacation" and when i emerged, wet, slippery and smooth, He said socks were the only clothes i could have - so i put on one of the warmest pairs i have - men's work socks (don't make fun - they are warm and they, too, make me feel small). While we watched one of our favorite TV shows, Master wrapped the rope we'd gotten at 2011 Thunder in the Mountains around me, and i actually was really able to sink into the bondage. Since i've been working on my flexibility, Master got my arms bound behind me in the same position as a monoglove. It was hot, hurt just a little, and i was already feeling small and submissive. With a second chunk of rope, Master bound my feet up and tied them to my hands, creating a deliciously tight hogtie. While i was bound, He teased me with our Lelo toy, GiGi, before allowing me to cum.

When He was done teasing me, He untied my feet and threw the Liberator Flip Ramp i'd won from Eden Fantasies next to my head. That was a deliciously scary sound, because i wasn't able to see what He was doing where i was. Master then ever so kindly (not) picked me up by the chest harness that was binding my arms and threw me on top of the flip ramp so He could fuck me. i was feeling deliciously small and objectified.

Master sent me off to the shower again to clean up (i stupidly have an allergic reaction and swelling after sex, with or without lube, these days), and allowed me to warm up, naked, under blankets, bound at His feet.

It wasn't even nine in the evening yet, and the show was just getting started.

A Little Anal...

Well it has been a while since I have settled down to write on this blog and I'd like to apologize for it to those who follow us closely. I have periods in which I go through antisocial periods where I don't have the inclination to share much with others. But the new year is approaching and that cloud of public disenchantment is fading. 

So, what has been happening recently? Well, as the girl has written, the school semester has come to an end leaving us time to be ourselves. Well as much as we can with a 4 year old running around the house. Opportunities have presented themselves and been utilized. Last week we had the chance for a sensory deprivation scene. The pictures, of course, can be found on my Fetlife profile. We had discussed some rather hot scene ideas, things that had piled up throughout the semester, and one such notion was the idea of sensory deprivation. It was the girl's idea too, which made it that much more tempting. 

So upstairs we went. I began by taping each of the girl's fingers individually with electrical tape and then taping them all together with duct tape. The feeling of helplessness that comes over her when her fingers are bound in this way is delicious and certainly adds to the loss of senses. For her auditory sense, I placed headphone ear buds on her and plugged them into my laptop to pipe music into her ears. Then I pulled two hoods over her head, the soft cloth one and the heavy leather one. To exacerbate the feeling of restriction on her head, I locked on the leather posture collar. I then bound her writs with the metal shackles, which I love soooo much, and laid her on her back and chained the shackles to the bed. 

Her legs I bound with leather belts in a frog tie, keeping her cunt widely exposed to all the devilish fun I had in mind. A belt around her middle, squeezed down tightly as well as one around her ribs under her breasts and she could hardly breath. As an added touch, I placed strips of electrical tape over her hardening nipples and then placed the silver clover clamps on them. How that drives her crazy, the pain muted but still on the edge of what she feels she can handle.

So there she lay, blinded, deafened, unable to move, gasping for air, and exposed to everything I could think to do to her. A poke here and a prod there got her squirming and panting and I delighted in the growing trepidation that overtook her. When she spoke, she half shouted just to hear her own words, mostly pleas for mercy and such. The usual music to my ears. 

Because her sight and hearing had been deprived, her flesh came alive under my touch. The slightest breath drove her hips to grind. It was time to start tormenting her girly bits. I took one of the nipple sucker cups and poured a small amount of hand sanitizer into it before sucking it down upon her clit. Thus engorged with blood and over sensitized in general, all of her attention was focused on her sex. Perfect. 

It is wholly entertaining, the application of a powerful vibrator to a sucker attached to a woman's clitoris. The vibrations surround the swollen button of flesh but distant and overpowering at the same time. Oh how she gyrated and whimpered. Randomly, I would press the vibe against the plastic tube, varying how long and how much pressure I would use. Next I added clips to her outer labia, spreading her open wider and eliciting more squeals and whimpers. 

After a while of tormenting her with the vibrator and making her beg again and again for the chance to cum before I'd pull away leaving her quivering in denial, I finally allowed her an opportunity to shudder for me screaming. Then I yanked the sucker off of her clit suddenly, releasing all of that warmed hand sanitizer to spray all over her sex. How it burned, she cried and screamed, struggling against her bonds to escape the pain. I couldn't sooth her with my voice and couldn't show her my cold smile of sadistic pleasure as she suffered, so I just patted her stomach as if to say, "there there bitch, you'll survive." 

That really drove her over the edge and as the burn subsided she was practically streaming moisture down her taint. I placed the vibrator firmly over her clit and forced her over the edge again and again, delighting in the gasping piteous begging for one orgasm to end and the next to begin. Then I fucked her, I didn't even release her legs at first, just settled in between her legs and made her beg for my cock. As I pounded her, the only real way for me to let her know I permitted her to cum was to grab her hooded head and make her nod "yes". Again and again I nodded her head and relished the feel of her restrained body shuddering and bucking beneath me. At long last we were both spent and I took my time releasing her.

That was just one of the scenes we've managed to enjoy together during this break and I'm looking forward to the next one we have planned. We have discussed at length doing a sleep deprivation scene and it looks like this coming week will be perfect for it. Also, as the title of this post was meant to imply, we have made serious progress in the application of anal sex. Not only have we integrated it into a couple of scenes, the girl has gotten to the point where she will both ask for it and admit to liking it. A couple of weeks ago, while having basic normal living room sex (fun thing to say), while she was bent over the Liberator Flip Ramp we won from Eden Fantasies during one of their giveaways, I pushed my thumb into her ass all the way in and was delighted in the intense shuddering of her resulting orgasms. And just the other day we used the butt plug during doggy style sex with resounding success. I am so happy and proud of my girl as this marks one of the last true hard limits she has retained during our time together and her training. 

So, there is more to come and lots of fun yet to be had. Thanks for reading...

Make Merry...

...for it is the holiday season!

my semester has ended, and while life won't be topsy-turvy busy because of school, we're still swamped with things to do. Thankfully, Master and i have had a few significant chances to get in some much needed time to connect as Sadist and masochist, Owner and property. There are pictures over on His FetLife page, if you want to see. ☺

i'm feeling somewhat better, less depressed, less taken by my grief, more myself. Which is nice. On Christmas day, i'm sure i'll cry, missing those who aren't with us this year, but i am looking forward to sharing the holiday with Master, as i have for the last 11 years.

But beyond Solstice, Christmas and the birthdays that fall in between and after, i'm really hoping that Master and i might come up with one or two days that will belong solely to us -- er, Him -- in which Master can do all of the things He wants, whims uninterrupted by everything else. We hope.

Meanwhile, from us to you, Happy holidays. Blessed Yule. Happy Solstice. Merry Christmas. Or...whichever holiday is most appropriate to you. May your New Year start with a blessedness, may 2012 bring you happiness, peace, joy, and lots of kinky good times.