Whinge and Wishes

Reaper posted our apologies earlier...and i want to apologize again. It has been pretty desperate around here. Some moments we feel alright, and others we want to rip out our hair from all of the joy and tribulation. This year has been exacerbated by my health issues of a girly sort.

For years and years we've known that medical professionals would consider my reproductive bits "abnormal" (at least the inside ones -- the outside bits get frequent compliments). Shortly after Reaper and i celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary, we spent a whole day bouncing from urgent care to urgent care, waiting for urgent care, and finally being directed to the ER.  The last urgent care office was concerned by my tachycardia, but the ER was much less concerned, and after adding the typical saline drip, considered their job largely done. Well, no. They did officially declare my internal bits "abnormal" and were kind enough to prescribe a hormone to stop the too heavy period...at least until the next time, so we could find out exactly how "abnormal" it really is. Three months of a different kind of abnormal later, here we are at the abnormal that landed us in the ER last time; a uterus that seems determined to drain all of the blood from my entire system. And our choices are to attempt to treat it with herbal options, or waste an entire day again, attempting to just get a temporary fix via the prescription they're so quick to offer (slowly).

i'm tired...and dealing with this on top of the lack of time i've been able to be under Reaper's hands and have any kind of play...the apathy grows. i'm sick of dealing with abnormality...especially considering there is absolutely no reason that the bleeding should be this heavy. And this is mostly griping, and i'm sorry for that, but i feel betrayed by my body, which has no excuse not to work right, but refuses to follow the rules, leaving me with no appetite, and an overwhelming desire to have a good cry. Just in time for Christmas. Whee!

Actually, i do believe it will be a good Christmas...i'll just be tired and noming on iron-rich foods the entire time. i hope that the joy of the holidays (whatever holiday is your preference)  is wonderful, spirit-lifting and enjoyable for all of you. We have high hopes for 2014 and wish our kinky friends, near and far, an absolutely wonderful start to a year of fantastic things.

Apolgies and Disgust

I have to start by apologizing to everyone that follows us. We have not forgotten nor abandoned any of you lovely readers intentionally. As we have mentioned a number of times having children has pretty much killed our kink at the moment. Without exaggeration, if we were to combine the number of times we have had anything remotely sexual (actual sex, blow jobs, heavy petting) with the number of times we have had any level of play (including being bound for more than 5 minutes at a time, trying on metal cuffs and the like) we would have a count of a whopping 12 incidents in 2013. 

Now that is pathetic on any scale. And to save you lovely readers from the constant and overwhelmingly irate tirades that you all must know that both of us have thrown, we have opted not to write anything. It has become unspeakably painful to watch other members of the community share their experiences on Twitter, Fetlife, etc. Not that we begrudge anyone in the least for celebrating their moments, but it is so hard to watch or to want to comment or discuss aspects of the kink, O/p, M/s, lifestyles, without having any time for our own. We have, on many occasions, referenced Oscar Wilde's famous quote about how the heart will grow sick with longing. Well, our hearts are most definitely sick with what has become more mourning than longing.

But again, we have opted to spare you all from that. Whether right or wrong, as again we want this blog to remain honest about all aspects of our lives and not become just a promotion of one aspect over another, silence was my choice. This is my apology part of this blog post and I hope that you all can accept that choice for silence and forgive us for it.


Given the title, we now move into the disgust part of the blog. Though things for us have not changed and we do not have much to say about our lives at the moment, I do have to take a moment to express my horror at what is happening in other parts of the world currently. The situation in Russia for example. I know that in this country we have a fairly large anti-gay sentiment that raises its head profoundly when the topic of marriage equality comes up. In this country we also, largely, respect each other's opinions and as such I am not going to comment nor invite comment about the opinions of either side. I will, however, simply state this: Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Opinion should not ever decide what someone else can or cannot do. If something someone else does offends you, then don't do it yourself. 

I was listening to National Public Radio the other morning and I heard that the situation in Russia has progressed to the point where people are being incarcerated for peaceful protests, assaults continue to go unpunished, and laws are being considered that would allow officials to take children adopted by same sex families and jail the parents. This is sickening. History is replete with examples of legalized and officially sanctioned hatred, but to see it in one of the larger, industrialized, law-centric nations in the modern world is just... wrong. Or course, Russia has a history of these kinds of crimes against its own people under harsher regimes such as Stalin and not that it is ever right for persecution to exist, but this really stands out to me. To have a national governmental body openly incite violence against a non violent portion of its population screams madness. 

I know that this sort of thing, and far worse things, are happening world wide and I do not want to downplay the importance or impact of those happenings. However, this is a nation among the leading nations of the political world. And unlike aspects of Stalin' violations of human rights, theses are being played out in full view of the media and announced with near pride to the world. 

On a more personal perspective note: I will almost always side on the part of any law that protects the options of individuals to do what they wish. Everyone should have the right to do what they want, say what they want, live how they want. They should have the right to have their own opinions and views. They should also be acutely aware that those views and opinions will only ever govern themselves alone. 

As an example: I hate chewing gum with a seething, burning passion. I have everything to do with it. The sounds, the sight of it billowing from someone's mouth, the mess when people inevitably don't know what to do with it when they are done. Everything! I feel that it should be banned from sale and manufacture. Now, should that opinion then be allowed to govern all peoples? Do I have the right to prevent anyone who enjoys gum from partaking in its use solely because its existence offends me? Of course not, don't be ridiculous. If you don't like it, don't do it. If you don't want to see it, look away. If you can't stand the sound of it, ignore it. Now if the answer here seems simple and apparent for the hatred of something trivial, why then is the answer to a much larger and more important issue, like the hatred of equality for everyone, somehow illusive? 

 If I were to go to a court of law, any court from local to the Supreme court, and ask that gum be banned based solely upon the argument above, it would be laughed out immediately. "If you don't like people who use gum, son, well then that's just your problem."But, somehow, if we protest the rights of people to be with whoever they chose, then that is a serious case all of a sudden? No. Just no. 

I appreciate that I have the chance to share my own opinions regarding the situation in Russia and the world at large, and yes, I recognize that expressing this opinion will in no way change the actions or feelings of the people it is directed against. And thank you, dear reader, for sticking with us this past year of mostly silence. May the new year bring us all more opportunities to experience and share those experiences. 

Best regards and a Happy Holiday wishes to all...

Let's go...

We have not been so good at blogging lately. :(

Largely because, sure, it's real life and that's the way it goes, but as Master put it, neither of us want to sound like we are whining because we're not getting time to get down and kinky together...

We steal little moments, and as time goes on, we'll be able to steal more little moments, and they'll get bigger. But right now? We slip into each others arms for a hug, and whisper "I miss you" into each other's ears because even though we're together, our "Monsters" (as i fondly call our kinky natures) have had no significant time to come out to play.

But we look at our lives, and the reasons, and we cannot help but smile and regard those reasons with the awesomeness that they are...

Despite all that, despite the missing the whips and chains and hard sex...

Reaper and i are facing down the years...we just recently celebrated one of our anniversaries, and are toasting to many, many more...

 i am so lucky to love and be loved, by Reaper.

Allons-y, Master, my Love, our future awaits!

Metal babble

Time just speeds on by doesn't it? Who would have believed how drastically life could change in one year? Ha. Or how much i've changed over the years?

A long time ago, Master talked about metal collars as an all the time thing, and i freaked out. Especially at the turian style ones. A ring of metal? Inconceivable. Seemed...too obvious...at least to me.

But almost four years ago, Master and i came to a...workable...solution to his love of metal. A dog chain, which i've blogged about before, with no clasp, no discernible opening. It had only been off once in those four years, for two months split between 2012 and 2013... It was off again over the weekend, though. Not that my neck was bare, mind you, but something else had been put there...a rolled steel collar.

That was an adjustment for me; i'm very used to the looseness and mobility of the chain, but the steel collar Master had picked was a (very) close fit so as not to be banging on my collar bone. Master could slip his fingers through and grip it easily, but it felt like it was a constant and continual pressure on each side of my neck...maybe that was more claustrophobia than anything.

On the whole, Master was very pleased with it and kept commenting on how nice it looked. It isn't from either of the popular steel collar sites, but was picked up from another site as it was seriously discounted (half price, muhahaha), which meant that Master also picked up some steel wrist cuffs and a square-ish steel collar as well... He's not as pleased with those because the magnetic pin "lock" can be pried out with a fingernail. Also, he had some choice expletives about the cuffs, as they are too big for my weirdly shaped wrists as i can just slide them right off and they are much too small for my ankles.

The turian, though, is above my expectations. It is pretty. And the seams of it are nice and tight. i'm just not sure i'm ready for that to be the metal that's always around my neck.

(Also, i have an ellipsis addiction.)

You blogger, you!

This is just a short little update.

Blogger has gotten a bit grumpy about adult content. If a blog on the blotspot domain has links to adult content, sites, and so forth, they may delete it entirely after June 30th, 2013.

Their email reads:

Important Update to Adult Content Policy on Blogger

You are receiving this message because you are the admin of a blog hosted on Blogger which is identified to have Adult content. Please be advised that on June 30th 2013, we will be updating our Content Policy to strictly prohibit the monetization of Adult content on Blogger. After June 30th 2013, we will be enforcing this policy and will remove blogs which are adult in nature and are displaying advertisements to adult websites. If your adult blog currently has advertisements which are adult in nature, you should remove them as soon as possible as to avoid any potential Terms of Service violation and/or content removals. Sincerely, The Blogger Team

Despite the fact we receive no money from the links here (we just link 'em because we like them!), blogger may simply view our links as enough grounds to delete us as they *are* links to adult websites. We will be backing up our content. If this blog vanishes, look for updates on our FetLife profiles (Master-Reaper or jenpet). We have reserved "http://rolesdefiningrules.wordpress.com" so we may just migrate over there, considering (as far as i know) they have not limited adult links to this extreme (yet).

Buggering doldrums...(nsfw)

Interesting that The Bloggess and Rayne posted about being down and depressed this week. Seems like it's been making the circuit lately, and i haven't been exempted. i hold no official diagnosis, and most of the time, i do feel fine and functional. But then there are suddenly these (sometimes long) stretches of time where i am not; not myself, not (really) functional, not anything. i get through the absolute base necessity needed by our household and then just, sit. i don't draw, i don't read, don't break out the xbox controller... i just don't do anything.

i put on fake smiles and giggles when required, and chatter incessantly as needed. But inside, i feel like an empty space, and the moment all needs are met, it's what i go back to. i'm good at acting fine, until the only one who can see is Master. That mindlessness concerns Master-Reaper outside of scenes. He doesn't like it and wants if fixed. For the last few days or weeks (i don't even know), he's been asking what he can do to help me, what i need. i've admitted to being overtired, which never helps anything.

So Master was going to let me sleep in today. He tried to, actually, pushing my body back into his bed. But something about my pathetic, depressed flop back into bed drew him back into the room, where he ripped my pants off and stuffed his cock up my cunt and his thumb in my ass. He filled the nothingness with a purpose, a use, making my body tremble at his whim. And then i made him breakfast.

Today, i think i can function at a little more than the base level. Just. And today i can have hope that i'm near the end of these doldrums, where it all goes on, and on, looking exactly the same as nothing. Because they've been buggered.

Shame...

So... Master-Reaper read my last two posts.

And...

We did have a verbal blow out. It was not fun. i cried a lot, felt useless, confused... Actually, the best way i can think to put it is: i felt an awful lot like a scolded Australian Shepherd that didn't know what livestock was, much less know how to keep it in line. Master-Reaper had even debated upon doing the whole "dog shaming" scene -- you've seen them? The pictures of the guilty looking pets with a poster board declaring their bad behavior? Just hearing him say he'd thought of it hurt worse than any physical discipline. i hate letting him down; but my thought process can be so defeatist that i wind up looking like the dog who had missed their entire purpose...before i even commit the crime.

In my life, i have picked up some very bad habits. Who needs 45 washed out sports-drink bottles for ice water bottles? There's food storage containers in the cupboard, so why save containers from store-bought foods that have long since been eaten? i exaggerate some, but i sometimes (frequently) save things that have no honest purpose, or save too many of them. This drives Master-Reaper nuts. And when we don't get enough time for the sadist's satisfaction, the piles of...crap...that have somehow wormed their way back into the mix of our life become the starting point for setting it all to rights.

We spent the morning after the blow-out getting rid of the piles and the hoarding, and have a better sense of order again... The trouble of not getting enough time to play with ropes or whips or ... well. That remains. We'll do what we can when we can, of course. But we are adjusting. And hey, the oldest kid gets a mini-vacation soon, so maybe we will be able to find more steal-able moments.