Twenty Strokes...

So, my darling slave girl earned herself a nice steep punishment over the weekend. How and why we may cover later. However, the punishment called for twenty cane strokes which I administered earlier tonight.

The way that I handle punishments currently, given the severe deficit in time, is to cuff her hands and feet together respectively and bind them to the bed stretching her out.I place a large, mouth stuffing gag we got from Sub-shop to ensure that her screaming won't wake the child... or the neighbors. So presented, I tell her how many she has earned and why. For tonight's punishment, they were broken down into groups of four or five at a time with a short break for her to regain her composure in between.

I have to say that I am quite impressed with my little slave, she managed to remain composed for the majority of the caning, and even the moments she lost control and flopped about madly against the unyielding bonds were pleasing to this sadistic heart. Though, she did surprise me about three quarters of the way through when she managed to pull one foot loose of our very heavy and secure hobble. Never underestimate the strength of a woman in the throws of blissful agony, or just unbearable pain. I managed a few quick snapshots of the results of the caning about half way through that I will post on my Fetlife profile.

Sadly, as if on cue, as the last stoke fell upon her quivering backside our darling son began crying from the other room. I was unable to get the full result on camera and my planned tender aftercare was instantly reduced to undoing her bonds, ordering her to cuddle up on the floor to wait for me, and to rush out as she tearfully thanked me for punishing her. Such is the life of parent. Oh god... I'm a parent for life! Talk about blissful agony...

Updates...

Hello everyone. Just a quick note to say that I hoping to have the first of my slave's video entries up in the next two weeks or so. Just waiting patiently for the semester to end so we can have the time to overcome a few technical issues. Also hoping to have my first audio entry up very soon. Happy holidays...

winter...break!

Recently, Master talked about how hard it is for Him to share me with anything. How He works to be patient when the moment requires Him to be so. Which is something i admire in Him. And fear, too. There is something funny about the expression on a dominant's face when they are waiting...even patiently.

While i'm still not a hundred percent sure that being back in college is the right thing for us (i was deliriously happy when i didn't have to go anywhere), but it's what we're doing now. And Master has been amazing. Helping me find the time to get the work done and yanking me away from it often enough that i don't loose sight of the fact that He always comes first. (Oh, yes, we could go round and round about our kiddo being first, but i think i've done a good job balancing our son's needs with Master's wants.)

The hardest part about not being a stay at home type anymore is that i so badly just want to focus on nothing for a while, but Master tempers that, too. If i'm not getting something accomplished and i have due dates coming up, He's standing there prodding me to work. If i'm stressing about due dates and He realizes i'm winding myself up for no reason, He yanks me away from it.

Yes, we find some time for each other between His work, my college and our precocious child. Not as much as we'd like, but someday, that will change. He finds just enough time to remind me that everything i do is something He allows me to do, and that i'm not doing it for myself...but for Him.

Thankfully, my semester ends this Friday, leaving me over a month of time to catch up on chores, and spend ridiculous amounts of time sleeping in or not sleeping at all. And by not sleeping at all, i mean my Master probably won't be either.

WhooHoo!

Drop What You're Doing...

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The Nature of Sharring that which is Precious...

Sharing. It's something that parents try to instill in their children from a young age. The virtues of sharing and being generous with what you have fill many tales and parables. And yet... Sharing that which is most precious is such a challenge.

As many of you may have read elsewhere, my slave has returned to school. A full load of course work coupled with our lovely, precocious child has very effectively eaten up most of the time that I get with my pet.

A few years ago she was a full time career woman, working in an office, and dressed in professional/casual attire. At the end of her day, she would come home to strip down and fall to her knees as the carnal slave she is. I enjoyed this secret double life to some extent. However the stresses of the day often got in the way of her sliding easily back into the mindset of being a collared beast.

Then came the day when our beautiful baby came into the picture. Suddenly my career slave found herself a full time mother. Quite the shift in lifestyle as you can probably imagine, or know from personal experience. A mommy slave. With this miracle came a whole new set of difficulties and challenges to our dynamic. First of all, the physical recovery of having a child cut from one's belly. It takes a long time for things to heal well enough to pound the hell out of a cunt, one way or another. Then the complete loss of time that goes into the care of an infant. All of these can be expected and therefore considered and even planned around.

But then came something that was completely unexpected, at least for me at that point. It was what I refer to as the Mommy Factor. Suddenly my sweet little obedient slave who barks, laps up piss, and drinks cum was dictating to me the appropriateness of things I wanted her to do. This became a very annoying and regular hindrance that was eventually dispelled.

Now we have this complete drain on our time to deal with. As with all college classes the course work starts to pile up at the end of the semester and my darling pet is under the gun this week. We haven't had a chance to take advantage of the normal narrow windows of opportunity that we get during our child's nap times and bed times. Even the off handed mention of needing a quick blow job is met with rolling eyes and a flurry typing.

Now I am a dominant that believes in bettering one's property. Whether that be through the pursuit of Yoga, belly dancing, martial arts, continued education, whatever. I believe that she should be at her best for me and that her accomplishments and achievements reflect on me as her Master. As a result if I have to share her with the world and allow that small bit of time I have to enjoy her to be eaten away that much more, then so be it. It's not easy, but then, as we always say around here, If it were easy, we wouldn't want it. But good gods am I looking forward to her winter break...

past vs. present

Time. Slips away too fast. And there's precious little of it to be had.

The other night, Master and i had the good fortune to enjoy a bit of time together and Master did a really fantastic job with some bondage. It was lovely, the ropes holding me tight, keeping my arms folded behind my back... Inescapable. As difficult as it is for me to get into the headspace to enjoy being bound by rope, it's important that we do so. When we don't have the chance to play with rope, i tend to loose track of where i am, and how helpless i really am, how helpless i want to be.

The bondage was delicious, and Master was sorry that He hadn't thought to grab His camera.

The sad thing was when we were finished, there wasn't really time for us to spend together, snuggly in our roles, reassured by the fantastic bondage, sadism, masochism and sex. We had to go right back to regular life.

As i think about it now, i realize that even though Master and i have had BDSM incorporated into our lives for a third of our lives and all of our time together, i have always had difficulty handling jumping back into the "normal." Yes, our roles are part of our normal, but i want that connected closeness of Master and slave, i want that to last for at least a few moments before the "mundane" things claim their share of time. Post-scene, i want to just bask together in the enjoyment of it, the bliss of numbed limbs and stinging parts, the agony of over-stimulation, the delight of the carnal beings within us.

The day after, i was off. i was short, i was disinclined to do exactly as He asked me to do. Every step was a fight. i didn't want to disappoint Him, cause Him frustration. But i kept doing it. i'd apologize immediately, recognizing the potential trouble i was building up. When He told me that "i don't mean to cause you frustration" was beginning to loose its meaning, i completely went off the deep end. i snapped, i yelled, i threw dishes around in the sink. And argued more. All things He's told me i need to control better.

i blamed being tired, having a sore throat. Blamed a bout of insomnia. Being angry about being sick. He knew that wasn't all of it. He knew it and i didn't. Several hours after the outburst, i recognized that it was a selfish little desire that felt neglected rearing its' ugly head.

i want that closeness. i want Him to be all mine for just a few moments, to feel His arms around what belongs to Him every second of every day.

But this is another thing i am going to have to learn to control better, because that want isn't going to be satisfied every time. And it can't get in the way of the present moment.

Snowflakes

On FetLife, it seems that there have been lots of people shooting down everyone else. It's a fact, people are generally intolerant of others whenever they are not forced together because of outside pressure.

That in itself doesn't bother me. What bothers me are new members of the lifestyle, the kink, who are just entering adulthood (the age of consent), who act as if they know everything there is to know, and shoot down people who have been living the lifestyle for years.

i entered my relationship with my Master before i was 18. When i was 18, i consented to a D/s dynamic, which led to my consent of an M/s dynamic. But i never presumed that i knew everything. i knew i wanted to know more, i knew how we were working our relationship, but i didn't make the presumption that everybody did it one way. i was fascinated by the differences, and at times, envious of them. But what Master and i do works for us, we've always adjusted it to work for us.

We're all different, and folks who are new to the lifestyle would do well to remember that there isn't a relationship (kink or vanilla) anywhere that is exactly the same as any other.