Monday, May 18, 2015

Poly Education Volume 1

If you've cruised by Master's profile over on FetLife in the past few months, you might have noticed that willinglittlepet is no longer listed there. Her whys are hers, and I'm going to leave it at this: the parting was amicable, and she's been invited to come by and hang out to watch Doctor Who with us if she ever wants to.

On the whole it was an incredibly great learning experience for me. Here are the things I've learned about myself and what I need when my Master has more-than-one relationship.

First, I am glad that Master and I have such a solid relationship. Poly never would have worked if I didn't feel safe and stable as his long-term partner. As it was, I did learn that equal treatment (or at least explained unequal treatment) was important, because I had moments where I realized that there was a gram or two of envy for something that he would do for her when he would't do the same for me.

Secondly, I learned that while poly-parenting works for some people, it doesn't work for me. Our little munchkins are one of my favorite things about our life together, and I am highly protective of them. I work hard to ensure their needs are met, that we indulge some of their wants, and give them the tools they're going to need as they get older. Master and I have parenting policies and approaches that have shown they work, and a sudden change suggested by poly-partner(s) could be incredibly disruptive (especially for our oldest) and challenging for me. Master and I trust each other's parenting practices; we don’t have that background with anyone else, and I don’t expect that foundation to exist in any future relationships while our kids still need parents. We know that sometimes here on the blog, and in real life, we’ll scathingly mention that they do impact how often we get to indulge in heavy play; but that does not accurately reflect how much we adore them or how much we devote to them.

Thirdly, while Master remains poly (probably by nature, considering genetic history), I no longer hold any desire in me for extra intimate relationships. Master has poked and prodded at this statement, trying to understand the depth and breadth of it. I like friends, friends are great, and I do hope that I can be friends with any future poly-partner(s) Master might find. But I'm not so inclined to have sex with anyone except Master these days. Perhaps the waning libido of perimenopause might be to blame, or the fact that my fear of being touched has reared its head again; but it feels deeper than that – it feels like a truth of my heart. He revs my engine; he understands my strengths, my vulnerabilities and my weaknesses. With him, I feel utterly his, and those moments are so sacred that I can't imagine sharing them with anyone. Maybe I've become semi-asexual outside my relationship with Master. Who knows?

Fourth, I feel pretty comfortable in the knowledge that poly-partner(s) relationships with Master aren't about me. Nothing about them is any of my business unless they want to share; it's none of my business how often they are intimate, when or where. Same goes for uploading and sharing of pictures -- it seems foolish to ask him for advance notice that he's going to be sharing stuff on FetLife -- and the perks of him sharing is I'll get a bit of perving in myself. ;) The only thing that's any of my business is knowing that if they are intimate they are adhering to the agreed upon safe-sex practices.

Lastly; time. Oh how important this fleeting thing can be. I've learned that I'm okay being by myself. It's okay when Master isn't with me all weekend or overnight. It's okay if he needs to spend an hour in a text message conversation, or take calls from his poly-partner(s). But I now know that if I have a hope for some time that will be solely for Master and I, I need to be able to clearly voice that. When I want time to spend with Master that's uninterrupted, it's something I need to make clear to everyone (because they have needs and requests too), and not just hope that I'll get a few hours where he isn't needing to engage in conversations with his poly-partner(s).

(TL;DR) I've learned that I can be okay while Master has other partners, that I can experience a fraction of jealousy and envy if I'm not talking about how I feel or what I need. I've learned that I learned how to communicate better with Master as his property. I've learned that I can still get frustrated and not know what I need to say to express myself to someone else...but that is something I think I can learn how to do.


Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Well then...

 Hi folks. If you spend any time on the internet at all, you've probably heard about Google's latest.

If you haven't, here's the rundown. Google has decided that "adult blogs" that contain graphic forms of adult conversation or photos will be made private. So if your blogspot, like ours, talks about sex, we're essentially being removed from the internet. I don't know how many "invited" users Google will allow to these soon-to-be-private adult blogs, but obviously, they're cutting accessibility. I think they'd rather delete them all, considering a while ago, they did threaten to delete blogs that had "adult" advertising revenue.

Here's there lovely (new) email about their upcoming censorship policies:

We do have a wordpress version of this blog, but at this point, I have no idea if we'll even put the effort into continuing. We've loved all our readers, our commenters and our lurkers.

If we do continue to blog over there, I'll update here again, and you can always follow me on twitter, though I am intermittent in my activity there. We'll also still be on FetLife (that's a link to Master's profile, so you'll need to be signed in to use it).

(I wanted to title this blog "Shitty play, Google" but that just seems so obvious.)

Monday, February 16, 2015

Thoughts on kinky fiction

Everybody knows that "50 Shades of Gray" is everywhere. Some love it. Some loathe it.

My opinion on it is limited; I have not read it, and I'm not inclined to because I've heard that the editing leaves a lot to be desired. I make loads of mistakes in my writing, but when I read for pleasure, I don't want to be interrupted by excessive spelling, punctuation and tense errors.

I love, love, love erotic fiction though. Reading porn gets my mind running and my body tensed. I spend a lot of free time reading on literotica, some select kinky tumblr's, and browsing through the cheap and free kindle erotica. I've found some gems, some that were okay, some with excellent writing but no genuine plot, and some really horrible ones I've never read more than 10 percent of.

I read all kinds of erotic fiction, usually centered around BDSM and kinky relationships, and I totally love forced consent stories. I have a plethora of reading material between the ones I seek out, and what Master is working on. He has (several) BDSM novellas, and most of them are dubious around consent. In one, the main character was outright kidnapped and subjected to a whole new way of being. It definitely doesn't fall into Safe, Sane and Consensual, nor Risk Aware Consensual Kink. It's still fucking hot. It's fucking fantasy.

I am disappointed that supposedly, 50SOG wades into the whole safeword business, and then deviates away from it with the main character spiraling into stalker behaviors. I think, if an author bothers to enter the whole SSC/RACK/safeword zone, they should stay in it, unless their characters bother to negotiate an end to those suppositions. That's my take on it anyway, your mileage may vary.

Pardon me while I go put my lust in overdrive from reading some story where people would scream "that's abuse!"

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Still here...still kinky...still wanting more...

Friday the 13ths are some of my favorite days. I've always felt they were quite lucky, personally.

Yesterday was no exception. When the kiddos were safely tucked into bed, Master and I took our chance. It's been a while since we had any substantial play...a quickie here and there, maybe...but a distinct lack of leather and rope. A distinct lack of (my favorite kind of) pain.

Before Friday the 13th gave up the ghost, Master had me cuffed in leather, stringing paracord between the cuffs, making me one of my favorite things: helpless. I can't really adequately describe how Master had me bound, so you'll just have to pop over to FetLife where he'll be posting some photos like this one. We've really enjoyed lactation play, so we've worked to keep my production going (it's slowed way, way down, but there's milk no little person needs for us to play with), and last night Master crushed the milk from my breasts. It was deliciously painful and yummy, but "made" me need more.

He moved me to his bed, and took me from behind, leather belt crushing my middle, which for some reason makes it nearly impossible for me to orgasm. At least for me. Not sure why exactly, but with a belt crushing my abdomen, I just can't topple over into le petite mort from yummy, yummy sex. I have no idea when the day tipped into Valentines, or how long Master teased me about being unable to orgasm, while intermittently teasing me with the taser, making it cackle next to my ear before shoving it against my thigh, asking if he should use it...

I lay under him, gasping and twitching, and wanting more... And I apparently felt brave, because I asked for more. The Sadist in him was definitely delighted, and in moments, he had bound my breasts tightly with paracord, delivering five hard slaps to the top of each before shoving me back onto my face, forcing me to crush my tormented tits under me. It felt so wonderfully painful, I wanted to cry, but it was too...good. He shoved one of the steel jeweled plugs up my ass, and drove himself back into me...All that pain, and the pressure of him...and I twitched and wanted to be given permission to fall over the edge...

And then he teased me, loosing the belt, and then tightening it right when I wobbled on the precipice of orgasm. The bastard. ;) He went on like that for what seemed like forever.

Eventually, he gave the permission I so desperately wanted to be given (or desperately wanted him to withhold...either way, really)...

We tumbled together on his soaked satin sheets, spent, well out of Friday the 13th and on to the day of sweethearts. My chest was already blossoming into bruises, and Master said that he hoped I enjoyed the "blooming rosy bruises" for Valentines, as they'll be the only flowers I'll get this year.

Today they are glorious mix of purple and pink, with deep dark spots here and there, and I feel every earned little bruise...and I feel in love.

Monday, January 19, 2015

Never enough...but almost.

It's not often that Master and I are able to get time alone together. It worked out in a rather unusual way this time, but it did work out. There was so much running about we had to do on Saturday that by the time we arrived home, all either of us could think of was sleep. Although, Master did have a good laugh at me as I apparently gave myself some first degree burns on the front of my thighs from a campfire we visited.

It was the sleep of the dead, which I needed so badly, as I haven't slept through the night for months and months. Waking was a delight, still curled up next to Master, naked in his arms. With no where to rush off to, we started the day with sex and a shower. When we came downstairs, because Master had a hankering to play Skyrim, he put me in a modified frog tie, which is my absolute favorite, and used the last of the vet-wrap to take away my hands and turn them to paws. There is some bondage which is always a bit of a struggle for me to sink into the pleasure of, but this frog tie is not one of those. The minute one of my legs is trapped and the best I can do is crawl and shuffle about on my knees, lust runs away with me and I am nothing but a creature of need.

Master fucked me, and it slaked the lust, enough. Master played Skyrim, while I lay on the floor, alternatively struggling up to get my knees under me, rolling on my back with my “paws” playfully in the air, and laying on my belly with my trapped legs keeping me from grinding against the floor or dog pillows. We had plans to meet the matinee time so that we could see a movie (“The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies” was our choice, though it is the only one we had a chance to see in theaters.), and as the time slipped by, Master intermittently teasing me and playing Skyrim, I half hoped that Master would loose track of time and leave me in the frog tie... I'm not sure I could have lasted longer than the two hours that I did lay and kneel at Master's feet, fingerless and footless, but I almost wanted him to make me last longer. (And this is the first that Master will know of this, because I was ashamed to ask and looking forward to seeing a movie in the theater.)

We came home from the theater, exuberant and delighted with the completion of the (movie that should have been no more than two parts). While we love the book as is, without the extras, we admire the tasteful choices that Jackson made in transitioning the story to a three part epic. In the mood for fantasy, we began watching the Lord of the Rings series, and Master again bound me and tormented me, namely with foot bondage which is so tastefully painful. Paracord makes an excellent tool for this as it's fine enough to weave in tight places, but has enough tooth to bite where Master wants it to bite. It's an amazing feeling as I become so concerned with grazing my foot against the floor, while it continues to ache because the paracord's bite against my toes and arches, to be so unconcerned with the belt Master looped around my neck. While I gasped for air, or didn't, I was so focused on my feet not impacting the ground while Master fucked me that I rode on crescendo after crescendo of bliss without ever tipping over the edge.

I lost track of the orgasms Master permitted...but if every weekend had hours of bondage and six or eight sexual encounters...I would be a happy, happy creature indeed.

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Welcome to 2015

The new year has come. Hard to believe another whole year has passed. 

So many changes, some of them wonderful, some not so much. This week for example, due to Master’s work, I will lose family dinner time. In fact, I’ll be tucking the kids in on my own, and poor Master will probably have to eat microwaved leftovers. Trying to see the silver lining here, though, in that Master won’t be rushing out the door in the morning before my brain comprehends that coffee is a beverage, and that to cook Master’s breakfast, one must turn the stovetop burner on.

I have so much I want to say, but I’m sure most of it those of you who read here wouldn't really care to read… so much real life stuff and angst, stuff that’s so personal, I probably wouldn't write it anyway. My heart is so full of joy from all the good of the year, but it’s also breaking with all the bad of the last year. There’s a lot of the tough stuff that I know is going to trickle into 2015, and the best I can do is hope that we’re (collective “we” which includes those who have free will to keep doing the wrong things, too) doing the right things to make it better, things that’ll repair the damage in my heart.

One extraordinary thing from 2014 was being friends with @padmeamidala; she’s kind and patient and even though she had so much going on herself this year, she was always willing to let me pour my own heart and angst out. Someday, I really hope we can have our coffee  together in person!

I am going to continue to hope that there is so much joy in 2015 my heart will soar again; that I’ll find the inspiration to really seriously take up painting and art again. I lust for the time for serious kink and play, and Master and I are crossing our fingers that we’ll be able to make one of our favorite summer things happen. 

I wish all of you a wonderful 2015; with everything you need and lots of what you want! 

Thursday, December 18, 2014

The Sizzle of Pleasure

During my recent visit, I subjected my willinglittlepet to electric torture using my tens unit and Tazapper. This is her account of that session:

Master asked me if there was anything that i was wanting to do before he came to visit me. We had been talking about electric for a while and i decided that now was the time to take the leap. As i sent the message, i was filled with nervousness and excited. i went to bed early so that i would be fully rested for Master’s tortures. 
The anticipation built as there wasn’t time to try the electric box that evening, it was set for that morning after we had breakfast. That morning i was in a good mood, i had seemed to have forgotten about the impending torture. After finishing up our meal, Master went to my room to get ready. i cleaned up the kitchen as best as time allowed and then i went to my room to undress for Master. He groped me some as i took off my clothes. Master took off the collar i wear every day and placed the heavy, metal one around my neck sealed with a large padlock. Looking in the mirror, i felt so beautiful with the ring of steel encircling my tender throat.