Thursday, May 15, 2008

Why i am His...part two

Master has always been there for me in my life, in one form or another. We met a long time ago (i'm under 30, and so if i say a "long time ago" i mean, more than 15 years ago) and He has always held a place in my heart as a friend. Being constantly aware that i am extremely lucky to have someone who knows me so well be my Dominant has boosted my ability to relinquish control.

Belonging to Master, i don't flinch when He calls me "whore," "slut" or anything that some might consider degrading, but i do blush. When someone outside of the relationship has called me such, i just raise my eyebrows. i know i haven't become desensitized to the words, because when He says them, they still have a huge impact on me, but in other mouths, they have become meaningless. Because i know that Master knows me better than i know myself, not only do those terms humiliate me, but they also, beneath the actual syllables, remind me of how much He loves me. As i said, He knows me better than i know myself, and in that, i find comfort and solace.

The relationship that we have together is a truly amazing dynamic, sometimes i amuse Him, others displease Him but i am always loved and treasured. Sometimes, i don't feel the love as much as the displeasure as i am extremely sensitive to His general mood, but deep in my heart, i cannot doubt that this Man, who i have known for more than half of my life, and belonged to for over a third of it, will always do His best to help me grow and love me.

i am aware of my flaws, and am sometimes ashamed of them. Master doesn't let me wallow in those feelings. "Who do you belong to, bitch?" He'll ask me. "If I didn't think you were worth anything, would you belong to Me?"

And in those moments, while i'm blushing, humiliated and trying to climb out of the pit of self-abuse, i know that Master is always working to build me up, to help me overcome the things about myself that aren't my best qualities. He tears me down so that i can feel His love, and builds me back up to fly through that love as a stronger person, better submissive and happier slave.

Because my Master knows me so well, i am worthless and yet treasured beyond the highest value. Because He cares about how i see myself, He shows me who i am to Him.

And that is also part of why i am His.


Brandon said...

As I continue reading I keep finding interesting patallels, in your masters concern over certain types of repercussions, and in your own self-abuse. I actually consider myself fortunate to have found a blog written by a couple whose troubles I can relate to so well. I find both comfort and inspiration in it. Thank you for writing so frankly and real.

jenpet said...

Brandon: welcome and thank you for your lovely comments. We've enjoyed blogging and are scolding ourselves for the lack of recent postings.