Monday, January 12, 2009

Frustration

Often, Master talks with me about how much our M/s relationship means to Him. It is at His onyx core ─ He is a dominant, a natural leader and very much likes things to go His way ─ and it's not something that He can set aside. He's not unkind or bossy, but when a situation is not under His control, His stress levels spike.

Sometimes in those moments when His dominant needs are not being met, He is unsure about my own stand on our M/s relationship, about how important my role is to me. But it is there, at my core, a smoky quartz encasing my self-identity. There is a need in me to allow Him to lead, to give Him everything, to sit quietly and wait for the moment i am needed. When i don't feel that Master has the situation in hand, i panic, i stress and i fret, scrabbling at the loose ends of the situation, trying to grasp at threads...Not so i may gain control of the situation, but so that i may give that back to Him.

At my core, while i am an opinionated girl, i don't want the control, i don't want to be the boss. i need Him to be our leader, to give in and trust Him, to follow and want Him to satisfy His kinks (which are also mostly mine, by good fortune). That core of my identity is important to me, and this recent trouble, well, it has caused enough frustration for Him and for me... It feels like half of our identities have been stripped away because all we can have is a bit of protocol and service...

Hopefully an answer is around the corner, so we can get back on track, so that He can fulfill His core (and mine), and we can put an end to the frustration...

i'd love to settle in for a few stolen moments of blissful pain and a nice fuck.

(sigh)

2 comments:

Florida Dom said...

I'm glad it wasn't all those questions of mine that led to your post drought. Anyway, good luck and
I hope you work things out. Keep us informed on your progress.

Masterofslavej said...

No, in fact I am very sorry that I have not had an opportunity to get back to those questions. It is definitely on my to do list. I'm hoping to be able to get back to it this week...