Warning (or Tease): this post contains breath play.
The hardest thing about life is it never leaves you alone. You can be sitting there, minding your own business and then its there, poking you in the head, pulling on your shirt, screaming for your attention... (Though i have personified life as a child, i am not actually referring to the child in particular.) And when it goes quiet, you have the decision of what to do, go and poke it for a change or let it lie and steal the moment for your own...
Master and i often struggle with that decision. But thankfully, yesterday we did take the opportunity to let everything outside our door stay outside our door for a little interlude.
Did you know they make hot pink duct tape now? It's awesome (but not as awesome as the purple or the tie-dye version).
So, as i lay there, bound down with my arms out to the sides, Master brought the hot pink duct tape out and quite securely, taped my mouth shut. It is a lovely feeling, for me, to be helpless and voiceless. It also has various levels of frustrations, depending on how many questions Master feels like asking while i can't pry my mouth open. But in this case, it was primarily lovely. i have missed duct tape. We haven't played much with it lately...
(One quick aside: once upon a time, Master wrapped me in a corset made of duct tape. That was fun. And more than five years ago. Sadness for me.)
What really made that session, though, was probably the breath play. Like i've said before, some aspects of breath play make me twitchy and nervous. Has anyone out there ever had duct tape over their nose?
i have now. It was horrifyingly amazing. The fight of it, unable to really do anything about it, and hear Master tell me it was fine, that He was there, that it would only go as far as He wanted it to go. It was . . . wow. There was panic, there was the fight of my body doing what its' supposed to be doing (trying to get fresh air), and yet there was trust riding over all of those things. The more the panic rose, the more the trust did, too. i was frantic, but, almost not.
And then the duct tape was ripped off (and it felt like part of my face, too) and the air rushed in. The panic receded, but the trust didn't. i was calm, cool and blissed out...
Today, i have a little bit of my cheek flesh that's tender and i keep touching it, pushing on it, just a little bit, making it sting for just a second, while i smile.