Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Continual Evolution

The story of life is change. Everything changes or evolves. Master and i even change and evolve. It's what people do.

What doesn't change is that every fiber of Master is Master - He is an Owner, my Owner. He's dominant and sadistic. His libido is enormous. Oh, sure, what turns Him on, revs His engine? That shifts a little bit from time to time (He said something about gas-masks the other day - i'm frightened and that turns me on!). But He is always the one who owns me. He cannot turn that part of Himself off, nor has it changed from the moment that i agreed to give myself to Him (for anyone interested in counting, December of 1999 is when i agreed). i suspect that in the back of His mind, He wanted to be my owner much longer than that. What doesn't change is that i am best off as Master's property. i crave His guidance, His ownership. i am better for the kink we infuse into our lives. i am more grounded with the bondage, the pain, the bliss that He gives me.

And yet, we have a family. In fact, our little boy is about to be a big brother, as i mentioned in "Biggest Surprise Present Ever." And so, right now, Master and i, who have become big edge players with heavy impact, punching, kicking, and breath play...are having to subsist on the lighter stuff that makes up our kink.  While bastianado is lovely, it's not the same as feeling Master's heavy fist land against my ribs. Or feel His foot smash against my leg. Or His gloved hands crushing my neck. But we will subsist. It's just like having rice cakes instead of steak.

Master and i are both attached parents. We prefer keeping our young close to us. So the reality is, while i'm pregnant, we must subsist on the lighter forms of play. When our little miracle bundle arrives, it will be at least six weeks before i'm cleared for "sex." It will probably be three months before i'm cleared for "contact sports." So Master and i already are jonesing for our heavy play, but know that for the sake of our little bundle, we will go at least five months before i sport a beautiful black bruise anywhere from anything fun. It's entirely likely that little bundle will be under one of our watchful eyes for at least a year, meaning it will be likely that our play will be conducted in the increments of naps, rather than hours and evenings.

But we know, too, that who we are does not change. He is the Owner, and i the property. We will shift and adjust, making space for the small person who rounds our family out to four, but what drives the deep, dark dreams of our hearts will continue to spiral around our kinks and fetishes. And we'll find a playground for our inner monsters. And down the line, there will be steak.

p.s. sorry for all the steak references. a wonderful kinkster i follow on twitter posted a beautiful food porn twitpic when i wrote this. 

1 comment:

padme amidala said...

Great post! I can relate to this a lot too. Anakin and I went through a few months when we had our son where we weren't able to play or have sex. It can be very frustrating but worth it when you hold your little baby in your arms! :)

You two are one of the strongest M/s couples that I know. :)

biggest hugs,
padme amidala