Looming...

This morning, Master and i were both really tired people. We're still both really tired people. Last week His schedule was all mucked up and neither of us felt like we were able to truly unwind. In our tiredness, though, the realizations of how much is about to change were bounding through our brains.

As He was getting ready to head out the door for work, Master said "I suppose we need to seriously talk about taking that off of you, in case we have to go to the hospital early." i knew what He was talking about right away - the chain that is His symbol of ownership. In September, four years ago, Master put a permanent collar around my neck. It has no lock. It has no clasp. It is an eternal loop - a symbol of my perpetual slavery.

i was afraid of it when He put it on me. "What will other people think?" i wondered and worried. i wore a lot of turtlenecks that winter. But no one really noticed. No one asked. No one pointed at it and asked what the hell was up with that curb chain. Some did eventually. (Especially when i got shit about it going through a metal detector. That's a fun story. Maybe i'll tell it later.) i wound up telling people that it was a symbol of commitment if they asked. Most of them didn't ask what it was a symbol of commitment to. One would think that would spark some serious questions; i'm surprised it never has. The chain around my neck has become such a part of me that i no longer care who sees it. i think i wound up throwing away most of my turtlenecks, even. i am no longer afraid of being seen as a collared, chained creature. Because it is what i am.

Most of the links are solid - only one is not. And it is not a weak link. Master has picked me up by this chain He put around my neck. But because of the drastic changes that are coming, it must come off before it is at risk for being cut off of me with no respect, no ritual.

So, sometime soon, Master and i will hunt for the link, and He will take the collar from around my neck, and i will feel naked and vulnerable. i will miss its steady weight, its jingle. Until Master can put it back, anyway.