Hold on...

Today is the day that really changes everything. While Master and i have put a lot of things on hold, the reason for that hold arrives today. We add kidlet number two to the family. While completely unexpected and unplanned, we're very excited, and nervous.

The thing about BDSM relationships and having a family: it's a hard balancing act. But it can be done. And it is so worth it. We're a tough family unit. i love that my son looks to me and his Father, and knows he can count on us as a team; but i also love that he knows that final decisions rest in the hands of his Dad.

Master and i may not have as much time for our kinky fun as we would like; but we do work very hard to make sure each others needs, at least at the base level, are met. (Stupid rice cakes. Don't worry, steak, we'll find time for you!) We've learned how far we can push ourselves, our time, our energy and what we want. We've learned how to let go a little better when there is time to let go.

We know that everything we do is worth it, for each other, for our kids, for our life. And frankly, while our lives are about to change again in unpredictable ways, those changes will be worth it, too. There will be moments where we want to pull our hair out, and there will be moments we are over the moon. There will be moments we are like any other family, and moments where i am crushed beneath Master's boot.

And i'm looking forward to all those moments and everything between.

See you when i get back!

Don't follow the rules...

 It's been an interesting last few weeks. i haven't felt myself, and it's been super annoying to reach up to my neck and find that something is missing (my collar!). Master has been hyper alert to every little noise, and asking if i'm alright. It's strange and disconcerting to be fussed over like this.

Sunday was a wash, entirely, because i was worried it was the day, so we spent two hours of Master's weekend day off at the hospital. i followed the directions posted on the door of triage -- i left my mobile phone behind. Poor Master was left in the waiting room, with our boy, wondering how long it was going to be before He could get a burger. i sat in triage wondering why i thought triage would provide a quick answer. Eventually, Master called someone asking for an update, and the staff was surprised that i had left my phone behind.

Lesson learned, though. Ignore signs that say "No Mobiles."

Okay, okay. Not always. But maybe ask for clarification about those signs.

New Year...

Wow. The new year always throws me for a loop. It seems different, but not different; a subtle shift somewhere in my perception, or reality itself... But is it? Not really - a good way to catalog experiences, mark them in our histories, definitely - and maybe that's enough. Maybe that's the entire point. Maybe that's why we get so excited when the clock turns over to the new year... Even if we were soundly sleeping just before the clock flipped over to 2013.

So, 2012, goodbye. Thanks for all the fish, which included:

* my (delayed) accomplishment of obtaining a college degree
* a much needed move to a more urban center
* a big change in Master's career -- which was also a much needed thing
* a wonderful experience in being able to spend more time with the surrounding area's kinky community
* a fantastic second trip to a big venue event, which doesn't like people to write about it (aka: Thunder)
* an amusing conversation with a family member about previously mentioned event
* a fast growing friendship with a fellow kinkster, @padmeamidala (from Journey to the Darkside)
* the discovery of an unexpected, complicated, blessing -- aka: kidlettwo
* a great deal of personal growth
* the ability to embrace the things (better put: my kinks and fetishes) which terrify me

i welcome 2013 with high hopes, for the happiness, health and kinky-good-times for all of my kinky friends, associates, and lurking readers. <3