Though i have known Master for most of my life and have belonged to him for nearly ten years, we, just like any other couple, went through a rough patch which brought us to the decision to visit a therapist a few years ago.
Fortunately, i found his advice to be helpful.
Unfortunately the therapist was not kink-friendly and he gave us a considerable amount of grief over it.
The root of most of the troubles Master and i were having in our relationship were traceable to a certain amount of melancholy funk that i had drifted down into, and had no idea how to correct. Never in my life did i consider that what was going on with our relationship was just me being piteous and selfish, but i was, and that was pretty much 90 percent of the problem. Thankfully, with the therapist's help, i was able to learn how to keep myself from descending too far into such moods, and am still learning not to be so selfish, and Master and i are going strong.
One thing that he had said during one of our sessions was that the kink (which, at the time was not quite a full 24/7 lifestyle) was actually damaging and contributed to my descending funks. That screamed “bullshit” to both Master and i. There is nothing right about ignoring desires, much less a significant part of who a person is. However, we knew we needed help, so we stuck with the therapy a little longer.
The therapist went on to say that the rules of life defined our roles. And that when i “allowed” myself to be bound, whipped or allowed my freedoms to be subjugated both Master and i were breaking the roles that we should be living. He said that Master was no longer my “protector, husband, lover and friend” when we partook in such activities, but a contributing source of my melancholy swings.
In absolute truth, that is the complete opposite of what goes on with Master and i. When i loose my focus, when i refuse to submit, to truly just sink into belonging to Master, the melancholy feelings drag me down and down and down until i am an absolute mess. When Master helps me remember that i belong to Him, that i am His to love, to subject to His whims, i am far away from those moods when the world seems to fall apart around me.
Only when i know absolutely, that things are outside of my control, when Master has everything in hand, when i have to trust, am i happiest. Only when He is what He is and i am what i am, are things right with the world and right in my head.
Since we truly gave into living the lives that we wanted to live, our relationship has grown stronger. i have fallen more deeply in love with my Master and the trust and respect that we have for one another is extraordinarily deep. And while a 24/7 lifestyle isn't easy, we found a way to make it work.
In our case, our Roles as who we are Define the Rules of our lives.
We don't allow the rules of life to define our roles.
If we did – i don't think it would work for us.