Friday, April 11, 2008

Why i am His...part one

Master and i were having a conversation the other day, spurred by a blog that i sometimes read about the why of our relationship and what makes 24/7 work for us. i am fascinated by how other people make BDSM relationships work for them, and know that not everyone can make 24/7 work...but i am glad that my Master and i are able to make it work for us...


When we first started dabbling in BDSM, there was a very separate distinction for me. Master was also my friend, lover, boyfriend and then husband, but never at the same time that He was Master – and then sometimes i would be His submissive, slave, toy and pet. For me, the lover couldn't exist when He wanted me to be His slave. i could, on occasion, marry the submissive with the lover, but, the BDSM lifestyle was very separate from what i could envision our lives being on a day-to-day basis. For me, it was just a little time to abandon reality.


It never was for my Master. For Him, He is always Dominant, always the Master and Owner and still the Friend, Lover and Husband.


In the long years of our relationship, i have come to see that i cannot break bits of myself off and leave them behind for a more convenient moment. We are what we are, whether we are Dominant or submissive, the Sadist or the masochist, and the like. All the time. At any given moment, whether i am making an independent decision or not, i still am, by nature, a submissive, who is collared and owned, who has a Master who makes her His slave, pet, toy and masochist.


Though i denied that the slave was part of the wife for a long time, she is. Denying that the worthless pet was part of the treasured lover, that the casual toy was also a beloved friend, was simply delaying the acceptance of who i truly am.


This is not to say that i am a diminutive personality outside of the home. Before i truly accepted that the smart, intelligent person that i am is also a whining, subservient bitch, i felt lost at every turn, every decision i had to make alone made my head spin. Now, though i am quiet and reserved, i am not afraid to voice my opinions, share my thoughts and make decisions. But only since i have accepted the fact that i am happiest when i am in some fashion, constantly under my Master's Domination.


For a time, until i could reconcile the fact that i am what i am, (after a complete rebellion against 24/7) what Master has quietly and gently guided me to, we tried “just in the bedroom” D/s. That was a disaster, because i wanted more when we were home together, not just in our bedroom. But not all the time, because, i still needed time to be His gentle, loving wife. So then we tried, “just when i was wearing His collar”. That was also a disaster, because, i would blur the lines when i wasn't wearing His collar, and then He would be Himself, and it was “too much” for His adoring lover. We also tried, “just when we were home” - another disaster, because i was still denying whole chunks of myself when we weren't at home.


After that debacle, Master essentially issued an ultimatum. Either we were going to fit BDSM into our lives, or we weren't. He was tired of me switching what part of myself He was interacting with at any given moment. It wasn't on and off for Him, and didn't think it was for me either.


i am now happy to say, that i am very much, a slave wife and all of the other things that i am, all of the time, despite my long denial of my true self. i am a slave girl, a toy, a pet, a wife, a lover, a friend, and a very grateful girl because her Master had immense patience on a difficult path, waiting for one very silly girl to accept herself.

3 comments:

longingsend said...

Thank you for taking the time and reading us as well as linking to us. We enjoy meeting as well as getting to understand new couples and how they make D/s work for them

xoxoxox mina

little man p said...

jenpet,

This was one of the best posts that i have ever read regarding a Master/slave,.. Dom/sub relationship. It was raw, emotional and probably difficult to write. But in the end it has strucka real chord with me.

i am a sub husband that has been cuckolded by his Wife. W/we have been and continue to be a loving couple,.. yet as She finds Her peace and power enpanding with each step of my humiliation and Her freedom,.. it is hard to knwo where it will go. As you indicate, W/we are finding it harder and harder to keep our Dom/sub relationship out of the rest of our lives,.. and i can see that the line is extending into a 24/7 arrange now more than ever.

What is interesting is first that it is inevitable that the power exchange will begin to take over our lvies, since as you indicated, it is our true nature - She is a Dom and i a sub. But more than that, it is how W/we have been representing ourselves,.. and now W/we are that cuckold couple. And it will take time for us to determine and "find" out just what that means. It took years to get here and it may take months to years more to find out the answers.

You can follow us at www.cuckold_doggie.blogspot.com if you are so inclined!

Thanks again for such a great post.

jenpet said...

@ mina...
Thank you for stopping by. i adore your blog and the evolution of your relationship...
@ little man p...
Thank you. it has been an amazing journey, and i'm glad there's still road to travel...thanks for sharing your link...i look forward to seeing where your journey takes you!