Sunday, April 20, 2008

Finding my place

Though this blog has missed the great portion of the struggles my Master and i have had during our relationship, there will forever be the nights that i am discomforted and Master kindly offers to sit on my head...and a myriad of other moments when Master need enforce His ownership of me because of my poor behavior. Obviously, as this blog has already (in its infancy, i might add), witnessed several infractions.

Bah. i don't want to be the girl who needs to have her Master sit upon her head in the middle of the night because she's flopping like a fish. i don't want to need a week long six rule addition to my daily life to remind me to serve Master better. i don't want to see the evil, evil plastic spoon delivered to me because i was honestly bad, disrespectful or argumentative. (In other scenarios the evil plastic spoon can be quite entertaining.) i don't want my preferred condiment to be off-limits because i couldn't just let it be without arguing with Him about it.

i know that it's in me to behave. To be the adoring girl who rarely wracks up infractions. To be the girl who is the masochist to His Sadist.

But for some reason, despite knowing that i'm capable of behaving, i can't move beyond some of those silly behaviors that bring me across as the topping-from-the-bottom type. Right now, suddenly, i can't let go of my own "absolutes" (the things i think that i can't survive without or with, depending on). i know perfectly well how i am expected to behave, and i know that i can. i've done so on several occasions. Master doesn't have a large list of rules for me to follow, that i must strain to remember, and yet lately, i seem to be falling far behind of where i should be, considering that Master and i have been together for so long.

No comments: