Thursday, February 18, 2010

Argggg!...

So, just a quick note to get caught up. Arggggg! This blog would not be doing its job if it didn't portray the good and the bad of our lives and our dynamic. And today it gets to show the shits.

I don't know how, I don't know when, I don't know why, hell I'm even a little confused on who and what, but for some reason or reasons everything has gone to pot. I mean everything! jenpet's physical and emotional well being has had so many ups and downs recently that I'm thinking of buying into ski lift stocks to recoup at least some of the losses I feel. My own hard earned calm exterior has melted away like a snowman in Miami, leaving a snarling mass of anger and frustration to face the world with absolutely no barrier.

With my nerves on a hair trigger, the unexpected visitation of friends in need, the challenge of our two year old, the stuff falling apart in our house, and the ever present work and bill situations, its a wonder that I'm with it enough to share it all with you, dear readers.

I kid you not about the unexpected arrival of friends in need either. We were naked, jenpet bound, hooded, butt plugged, ass in the air waiting to be filled and there came the knock at the door. How rude of us to have left them on the doorstep for any amount of time too. What opportunities we have had have either been sabotaged by our child or various issues, be they physical or emotional.

My poor girl has been feeling it as well. A depression came over her that robbed her of any and all sexual desire and enjoyment. Imagine how horrible it must be to feel the sensation but not have it connect. Being such sexual creatures as we are, it is driving the both of us nuts! It is sadly natural for any commiseration to be confused or felt as blame when the problem rests with one or the other of us as well.

The more time that passes between the chances we get to play, the more rejected I feel, as if it were in the least a conscious choice for her to feel this way. The more rejected I feel the more unreasonable and retaliatory I become. The worst of it is that, because she has been so robbed, she can't share even interest in the desires that have begun to plague my waking moments. The only comfort I can glean is found in brief moments of cruelty I can inflict upon her, such as a painful bite during a hug, wrapping my hand tightly around her neck to choke the words from her as she speaks, or even a quick swat on the ass.

Conversely, every slight infraction of the rules stands out like Vegas casino sign, slapping me in the face. And all the while, there is my sweet child, staying my hand and unreasonable wrath with his constant presence.


Fuck I need a vacation! I'm going to go pack my bitch... I mean, bags...

4 comments:

Biddable said...

Ugh. I don't need to imagine how your girl feels because I've been there and recently. After our youngest was born I came down with a severe case of PPD. Not only did it screw with my libido but the paranoia and suspicion that I lived with until the meds and therapy started working did serious damage to our relationship. In a lot of ways we're still trying to dig ourselves out of that hole.

I hope you can find some breathing space soon and come to a better place. I'll be thinking of you.

Masterofslavej said...

Thank you for your sympathy and well wishes, I hope very much the same for you and the Captain...

Nisha Domme said...

Sending healing thoughts your way for your family.

In other thoughts, it is very disrespectful of your boundaries for friends to drop by unannounced. Have you thought about sharing how you felt about this?

Masterofslavej said...

We have discussed it, however to be fair, there is something of an open invitation for them to come over when they need to escape. Also, there is the issue of who exactly in the house knows they are on their way, i.e. jenpet may know but I'm not informed.

The largest issue is the timing, they have the uncanny ability to know exactly when their visit would be most disruptive. For instance, the other day our child goes down for a nap giving us the window we need. A moment later there is a knock at the door. Our friend stays for a little while, just a short visit, and leaves a handful of moments before our child wakes up. What the hell is that?!

Yesterday my mother-in-law comes for a visit, leaves and within half an hour our friends start to arrive for the weekend get-together we all had planned.

There is no quarter given in this sexual famine. Last night my slave tells me that one way or another when I come home from work she'll at least give me a blowjob to help ease the tension. An hour or so after I get home, she goes to bed with our child because she is so tired. He ended up staying up much longer than she did. So much for whatever happens. But I'm just griping now, I had little to no faith that that was going to happen anyway.

We appreciate the well wishes and send ours to all who have been experiencing this blight in their own lives...