Thursday, February 18, 2010

Up, down, down, down...

...and now can we have some up, please?
It's all part of life, the ups and downs, the periods of activity balanced with periods of inactivity.
But this deep funk that Master and i have found ourselves in sucks. i'm doing much better now, a week after it set in, and i am aching for the chance to have His hands run over me, owning me...
But, damn. Getting back to this point has been ridiculous. i've kept up on reading my favorite bloggers out there, and logged in to FetLife frequently, trying to rip myself from the bottom of the whole that swallowed me, and none of it really worked. Heck, Master let me watch some FetLife videos with Him, and it was like, "Oh. What a letdown."
Don't get me wrong, all the stuff i read and watched was interesting mentally, and i've thought about all of them more than once during this horrid week, but nothing was happening for the sexual part of me. Not even the tiniest cunt-twitch. Annoying. To know that it would do wonders for me if i could feel that and be beyond all of it was nuts.
Heck, Master had me try to get an orgasm one night while He was at work and i had to pull out the monster vibe (which is bigger and has way more muscle than most vibrators out there...though i can't really compare it to a hitachi 'coz we don't own one...) and even on the highest setting, it took me way longer than usual to find that point. And even when i did, that in itself was a letdown, because the orgasm lasted so briefly - it felt like nanoseconds and then i was again in the vast blackness that had swallowed me.
i cannot even define what triggered the event, and it's frustrating. i hated feeling that way, and i hate the remnants of it.
But i can see the sun on the other side, if we can just find the time to get through this last bit of ick...

1 comment:

Florida Dom said...

Good luck in dealing with all this and I hope you find the sun soon.