(bleep)

 *sigh*
Master and i don't want this to be a negatively filled space. But...things are...challenging at the moment. There's the daily frustration of tedious and annoying issues that face every family. Our kiddo is a ball of bouncing energy, who is far to smart for his own good (or ours). Extended family struggles. The economy continues to take its toll. There is an open door, or window, depending on one's perspective, but right now, it's really hard for Master and me to remain positive. If one of us is managing to claw our way out from under the dark clouds, then the other is sufficiently dampened by said clouds. The most likely event is that we're both standing underneath the storm on opposite sides. Together, but not close enough for us to dispel the low feelings we share.

We desperately need time together, but there's a level of hustle and bustle that keeps that from happening on a significant level...And despite Master and i making a show in the (semi) local scene in February, we didn't make it in March, nor does it look like April will happen for us either.

i'm wound up and stressed. And i keep sticking my (bleep) foot in my mouth.

i've very nearly got my AA in Master's hands, and that alone has created a bit of hurt in my heart. i keep my head down, do what needs doing, and  am not as student as good as Master was. But i somehow keep getting attention. Good attention. But i don't want it. i just want to do what i need to do and go home. But Master says "I'm proud of you. I want you to do this." So i do it, because i was told to. So why did they not give Master the same attention while He was there? Why do they lavish all of this unwanted attention on me? i don't like it. i really don't.

And then i say stupid things to Master.

And so i say (bleep) repeatedly, and am going to go have a cry.

Teh Ebils ov teh Intarwebz

Warning: This is a girlie rant.

Not having internet for so long was an interesting experience. And having internet again is just as interesting. i forgot how persnickity the online community can be, i forgot how much people can get wrapped up in their own rules and rituals and when people who are unfamiliar with them might miss one little thing, they come unglued.

Where's the community in that?

Where's the line between "I want to meet new people" and "you're a fucktard for sending me a message?" Why are those two statements so often intertwined?

Why can't we treat each other with some amount of courtesy?

i don't approve random friend requests on any social networking sites. Master and i talk about who i'm going to add and why they want to be added. If people don't send me a message about who they are and why they're interested in being friends, generally, i don't add them as friends -- but that doesn't mean that i don't spend some time engaging in conversation with them. If they send me a polite message, i generally make an effort to be polite in exchange for their politeness.

When did it start to matter what public community we were involved in?

When did that become a sign of knowledge?

When did that become a symbol of "honor?"

How can honor be questioned at all when you don't know someone from Adam?

Do people think that ten years is nothing?

Do they think that i would blindly choose someone without honor to be my Owner?

i don't know -- it all seems so arbitrary. We ask people to accept us as we are, let us be who we are, with the interests we all have, but we automatically attack someone for not doing things our way, the "right" way.

Ethnocentrism at its finest.

girlie rant over....