Down, right, left and sideways...

In November, December and the opening of January, it seems that everything in our life was any way but right-side up. Not only was our sex life on hold, but my ability to be submissive in many ways was hampered. It was, hellish. Master was on edge, i was on edge, and i didn't know how to make any of it better. It seemed that everything i did threw a wrench in moving towards a more positive head-space, and i was very, very down on myself and who i was.

While things haven't rotated back to upright, exactly, they are moving in that direction. My health is coming back on track, though not without side-effects. i'm finding my place again, seeking that ability to live without question, to strive to be pleasing, to simply submit and obey.

Mostly, i'm celebrating the sex. Though i'll admit that my Master's libido far outstrips my own, sex has become an integral part of my needs. It's not the orgasams ─ though i am always happy to be allowed them ─ it's the connection, it's everything He puts into sex. It's not "just" sex. (In fact, i think it might take a long period of abstenence for "just" sex to be interesting to me.) During sex, He feeds His sadism, wakes up my masochistic streak...

And it delights me, it fulfills me.

i love being reduced to nothing more than His little sex-object...

To feel Him steal my breath, give me pain, to fuck me until the only thing i can see are His eyes and starlight...

Ah, sex with Him is pain, bliss, agonizing delirium and pure extacy with a dash of humiliation.

Exactly what i crave, even when i might not realize it's what i need.

Ahh, if only neither of us needed sleep, i think we'd have lovely evenings... i can think of nothing better than spending the wee hours of the evening tangled in each other's limbs, rope and whatever other toys we might have pulled out to satisfy those darker desires that lay within our souls...