The last few days have been hectic, frazzling and frustrating. i haven't behaved as well as i should ─ repeatedly. Master has been excruciatingly patient as i quibble, argue and resist before coming to what i should have done the first time: obey.
Master has given me a very simple tenant to live by from the start of our journey into our Dominant/submissive merged to Master/slave relationship, and that is to obey, to serve and to please.
That boils down to even deeper simplicity: obey. If i obey, i am serving, and that is pleasing. i know this, i've lived with this simple, innocent "rule" for over eight years. i know it by heart, i understand its meaning and i see it work. i see the delight on His face when i obey without hesitation, i see Him pleased by my willingness to serve and obey. Yet, so often, when i allow myself to become worried by a situation, frazzled or stressed by the world around us, i fail to simply follow that simple, lovely rule.
i have failed to obey.
Master did not, of course, let me get away with the behavior for long. But what hurts, more than the punishment for the misbehavior, is knowing that i couldn't keep one simple word in the fore of my thoughts, that i couldn't follow the simplest part of belonging to my Master ─ i was not obedient. That excruciating patience He does not offer anyone else, merged with the expression of hurt and disappointment in me ─ it all hurts that much more as i am so dissapointed in myself for failing to mind that one word...
i want to do better. i know i can follow that simple, standing order. i can obey. i want to obey. And when i obey, i will serve Him and it will please Him. It is up to me to do better, to obey without question, without complaint. It is up to me to not let the stresses and frustrations of life keep me from trusting Master. And all of that is possible because it comes down to the definition of obey.
"To follow the commands or guidance of; to conform to or comply with; to behave obediently."
That is possible ─ even for me.