Tuesday, March 17, 2009


Recently, i've been having a very lovely conversation with someone who isn't part of the BDSM lifestyle. They have been very open-minded, listened to what i had to share, and illuminating for me, as well. There are so many things that slip from memory as we progress through the years, and after ten of them, sometimes it is easy to miss those core values that we've built everything on.

One thing we talked about is whether or not Master has respect for me, for what i am to Him. He does, He often appreciates my intelligence, the conversations we share and the general, down to earth "vanilla" interactions we share. It's simply my place ─ regardless of His lovey-dovey feelings towards me ─ to remember to treat Him with respect, to do my best to please Him and be obedient... Our conversation was much longer, and though i didn't share everything i felt, this open conversation spurred me to realize exactly how important what it is we do is to me. Yes, i do it because it makes Him happy, but that's not the first reason. The real reason is because i find fulfillment in it. i am happiest when i can set aside all the pretense that i was encouraged to don as i grew up, and lay aside everything but the core of myself. When i bear myself down to smoky quartz ─ my desire to serve, to be owned ─ that surrounds my self-identity i am at peace.

Also recently, there has been a flurry among the feminist bloggers regarding BDSM, and that has not been as enlightening or heart-lifting. Just when i think the world at large is really ready to let people do their own thing without damming them, somebody has to go and talk in circles about how "evil" BDSM is and completely ignore any relevant points that might encourage them to see it from a new perspective.

The cries of "BDSM promotes violence against women" and "BDSM is a violent sex act that is wrong" (i'm paraphrasing here) make me frustrated. Firstly, i'm fine with feminists (i'm not one, but that's my choice, and i think that's what feminism is supposed to be about, isn't it? Choice?) i've met some very enlightened, friendly, open-minded women who are in charge of their own lives. And while they may not "get" BDSM , they're not damming those who chose the lifestyle. Secondly, i've always seen sex as an inherently violent act. It's a power exchange, even one done in love. Sex brings us to our base instincts, and regardless of how enlightened we think we are, once we're in the sack...i think it's a good thing for us to succumb to the pleasure of sex. (i mean, really, could you get off if somebody was sitting there talking about work, chores or who they ran into at the store? i'd much rather hear heavy breathing, groans of ecstasy and springs squeaking.)

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