Thursday, January 28, 2010

Bricks...


So. Things got drastically busy. They always do. i don't know. i'm really enjoying college, it's interesting. But i can't help but think that it is kind of a goofy thing for me to be doing. Don't get me wrong, i love the stimulation, the interest i have in my courses. But why? What i really want from life is for my Master to be happy. A (new) career for me probably won't do that. i mean, we've already been there and done that, so are we going to go there and do it again? Seems so strange...

i don't know. i feel at odds with it. Maybe the day is coloring my opinions some, as it really hasn't been the best. i feel guilty when something i'm supposed to take care of normally gets put off or left to Master. Some things, it's not a huge deal if they wait (like dishes...those will still be there), but in regards to our kiddo. Master is not a morning person, so when the wee one thinks everyone needs to be awake at six and i have to leave for class, i feel horrible.

Master and i talk about it frequently (every week?) and He keeps stressing that college is something He's allowing me to do, and until He tells me not to do it anymore (or i finish) i'm not supposed to fret about the time it takes away from Him.

Today i just feel like i'm bashing myself up against a brick wall.

1 comment:

Biddable said...

I understand. I'll have to go back to work when my maternity leave runs out in the summer and I'm already feeling worked up about all the things I won't be accomplishing around here.