So tonight I wanted to talk a little about tears and drama. I love seeing tears, I love causing them. Whether it be from physical pain, emotional torment, or fuzzy love, I love tears. Today, jenpet got herself in some hot water, and as I have instructed her to write a post about it when she is allowed free time online again, I don't want to dwell on the specifics right now.
Needless to say she is being punished, and that punishment let loose a lot of tears tonight. No, I didn't cane her bottom... yet. It came from the look on my face as I expressed my disappointment. It came from the nearly two hours she spent alone in the cage thinking about what she did. And it came from the fact that several of her privileges were withheld till further notice. However it also came with some drama and that I do not like.
When it comes to punishments, it is important, in my mind, for the property to own up, accept, endure, and learn from the punishment. Owning up is hard to do, no one likes to admit failure or faults but as property it is best that they know what they did wrong. Accepting being punished is also hard, punishments are not fun, by design as the punishment should dissuade the slave from doing it again. Enduring is to live through the punishment with grace and gratitude, equally hard as admitting failures because who wants to be grateful while suffering unhappily? And most critically, the slave should learn from its mistakes, grow as a person and not repeat the error.
It is not easy to do these things and sometimes punishments come with drama. What do I mean by drama? Juvenile behavior such as giving excuses, diverting attention away from their mistakes, drudging up ancient crap to open up wounds, the "oh woe is me" routine, etc. That is the drama I'm talking about. Not being able to accept one's own faults and grow from them.
Back to tonight. Watching jenpet cry because I told her she was naughty and will be punished for it is just so sweet to me. I love the dilation in her pupils as she is dressed down, the quiver on her lips as tears roll down her cheeks. I know she gets off on it deep inside, but surrounding that core of my lovely submissive are some nasty trigger wires attached to some pretty unsavory drama.
jenpet has this internal trigger that gets her down on herself when she is told she has been bad. It is complicated to explain, but in simplest terms, it starts a depressive cycle that nothing she ever does is good enough so why try. It completely disregards any and all compliments paid to her for successes or even tangible rewards for doing good. It can get really bad sometimes when combined with stress or the natural depressions that she sometimes moves through.
Along with this trigger comes a bit of defensiveness. Defensiveness is not a trait I want to see in property either. Trying to turn the situation around on the other person to distract from one's wrong doing, especially the Dominant is really poor behavior I feel. So when I was explaining to jenpet why I was disappointed in her and she started the tears I love, there also came that "but you don't" and "then why don't you" behavior. I have found that the best way to deal with diverting behavior is to call her out on it. "Are you really going to sit there and say that you not doing as you are told has anything to do with me not..."
she also attempted to justify and excuse her wrong doings, making it seem really okay in the circumstances or at the time. Everyone is guilty of this from time to time, it is hard to own up to mistakes and face the responsibility for one's actions. Reminding her that it is not okay in any circumstances to disobey, be forgetful or pay little attention to my desires; that she is meant to serve and please and that is her focus helped to bring her back to the point at hand.
Also, and this is probably the most severe of the bad drama, tonight she brought up old wounds from years ago in an attempt to divert the focus. Old issues that I thought had been put to bed and one that I didn't even know was an issue. This was tough because we know each other really well and she has the ammunition to use if she really wants to get to me. However, again calling her on it helped avoid a huge fight that would have lasted days if not weeks. "How exactly does my not having... whatever... three years ago have to do with you not obeying me today?"
I would like to say that I handled it all perfectly and didn't fall for a few triggers of my own, but I sadly cannot say that. We did however manage to return the focus just to what she did wrong and bring her to recognize her faults, accept the punishment, and display gratitude for it. The best thing of all, she went to bed happy and contented, even knowing that she's being punished.
Neither of us want easy, neither of us want fair. My girl did not accept my collar and the ponderous responsibility it comes with to lay around and be pampered. We are both willing to do the heavy lifting and fight through the difficulties to ensure that she is and remains dedicated to being the very best property for me. Despite the drama she fell into, a situation I feel is largely a result of the drop we are both finally experiencing from our visit with our good friends last weekend, I am very proud of her for how far she has come and how dedicated a slave she has proven herself to be. Expect to hear from her about this punishment and her thoughts in about a week;)...