The Ethics of Kink...

No, I'm not going to be so presumptuous as to lecture on all aspects or the full range of ethics within the community. I did, however, want to discuss certain things that have come more and more to my attention.


In this lifestyle we live personas, versions of ourselves that are kinky, subby, domly, etc. Even if these things are at the very core of our being and we feel that what we are really doing is stripping away the layers upon layers of societal obligation to become our true selves, what manifests is still a persona. Is there anything wrong with that? No. Am I implying that this somehow implies that people are not living a real D/s relationship? Not in the least. 


What I am saying is simply this. Manifesting the persona of our true selves does not excuse us completely from the social obligation of politeness and manners. I think we all accept that being by nature a submissive does not entitle everyone around that person to then dominate them, right? So why then does it seem that a dominant nature somehow implies that everyone around that individual is therefore inferior by nature? I am Master and Owner to my girl, and at the moment she is the only one to whom I hold those titles. I try very hard not to allow that nature to spill over onto others, in scene or out. I know that sometimes it does, but almost never by intent.


It does not make me any less masterly, if indeed that term could be applied to me in the first place, to step out of the way of someone as they pass by, to open a door for someone if they have their hands full, or let someone go before me on the stairs. Even if that person is someone else's property and clearly lower in status in a hierarchical sense, it does not make me less of a dom to be polite.


Obviously I have a high regard for manners and politeness and I feel that these have suffered within our shared lifestyle. Specifically, as many, many things have, under the pressure to conform to D/s sub-culture stereotypes. 'Oh so-and-so is not a real slave, she has limits,' or 'he's not a real Master, he hasn't attained perfect zen like personal control.' Rubbish. It is paradoxical to assume a persona, even one exemplifying our inner selves, and on the one hand ignore certain social conventions in an attempt to free ourselves while on the other hand conforming to an entirely different, and equally restrictive set of social expectations. 


Be who and what you want to be. Be the type of slave/sub/sadomasochist or Master/dom/sadist you wish. The only definition that matters is your partner's and your own. And remember, just because you may be a very dominant sort doesn't mean that being so doesn't make you any less of a jackass when you are impolite.