20 Questions

Today, i'll be sharing a meme that is making its way about the blogosphere. Seeing as there is only *gasp* one day left in 2009, it seemed kind of like it would be a good and fun post to end out the year on. We did have more posts this year than we did in 2008 (even if you only count the 2009 posts from March to December) so i am proud of us for managing to post more frequently, even though we didn't post as often as we would have liked.

1. Your role?

i am the property, the object that is owned...

2. Current relationship?

To my Master, my Husband, whom i have been in this relationship for almost 12 years.

3. Your favourite type of play?

Oh, geez. How do i narrow it down? i love breath play. Water play is fun. Bondage is awesome (though i admit i love leather more than i love rope). Torment of most sorts is pretty spectacular.

4. Your most hated type of play?

Impact play and pain play is often quite hard for me, though when they are over i adore them.

5. The most annoying habit of your owner/slave/whatever you call your SO?

These are the things that bother me...kind of small, really, but they do get under my skin. He doesn't talk enough during sex and talks too much during blow jobs. Master is also quite forgetful, which is cute, but also frustrating.

6. Your deepest fear?

The dark. Pitch blackness is terrifying for me. If there's a little tiny bit of light, it's all good, but like, a darkroom without the red lamp on? Scary.

7. Your most memorable public experience (or what you would like to do in public)?

Public experience? Not this year. Sad. Hopefully, we'll be able to find a way to get ourselves back into some public play, socialization... i miss it. Once we do? Donno. Show off Master's aweseomeness with rope? His beautiful flogging skills? That'd be awesome.

(Most memorable public experience ever? Probably our first one, a Halloween event with Denver PEP, nine years ago. i think we played throughout the entire night. Bondage, my first opportunity for girl-on-girl action, pain, pleasure...)

8. What gets you in the mood?

i think i kind of hover around being in the mood all the time. Things that put me out of the mood are lack of sleep, stress...but generally, i want to play and have sex.

9. Favourite method of masturbation?

This may seem really weird. But i don't like to masturbate. Sometimes if we know we aren't going to get an opportunity to play, i will ask, and i'll use the fastest method possible if He grants me permission.

10. Scariest thing you’ve seen or heard of in BDSM land?

"The whole hook suspension thing. Yeah. I’m so not going there." <-What Kaya said.

11. Number of hours you spend on iFet when you should be doing other things?

Too many, but less than i used to. i've never posted much, and i'm posting less, but i still "wander" around their servers longer than i need to.

12.Thing that was hotter in fantasy than it was in reality?

Sleep deprivation is still hot in fantasy. Right now it is not so hot in reality.

13. Most longed-for experience?

i really miss being caged and chained for extended periods of time. The purposeful separation is always difficult for me. But it is also quite grounding and centering.

14. Ouchiest toy?

i miss the evil plastic white spoon. But its ouch factor is outstripped by a tinsy-tiny dowel rod (you know, the kind you'll find in traditional cheap kites). That or the bamboo skewers. Those are pretty ow.

15.Book or movie that every newbie has to read/see?

i think it depends on the person. "Screw the Roses Send me the Thorns" was pretty useful... But my favorite was actually "Different Loving" because it really does demonstrate the wide variety of differences that exist in relationships - even in kinky ones.

16. Thing you’d like to change about yourself?

i think i could stand to loose some weight. Even though i don't like my voice, Master does like it, so...i guess we'll keep it.

17.Thing you’re most proud of?

i've made a lot of progress in the last year. i feel more grounded, more satisfied with more aspects of myself. i haven't let fear overtake me and fight for a way out.

18.Funniest dom name you’ve ever heard?

i guess i never really think about that...

19. Do your family and friends know?

Some members of my family suspect, i think, and let it be at that. Others don't know, and if i have my way, those members never will, because they can't look beyond their own prejiduces about kink.

20. Is twenty questions too many?

Nah. It was about right. And with that, i leave you to your new year's celebrations. May 2010 bring you all kinds of kinky happiness!

Video: Submissive

Though i haven't heard any clamoring for more: here's our second videoblog.

i'd really like to know, what do you guys think? Are you enjoying them? What do you want to see in the videoblogs? What do you want to hear? How often would you like us to do video posts? More? Less? Never? If you want to watch them at the source, please visit blip.tv.

Also, Master and i had an interesting conversation about this topic after i recorded the video... Which, somehow brought up the idea that submitting without a submissive nature still wouldn't make one submissive...It makes them obedient. i like that. Though i struggle with obedience, but that's what i want. i want to be obedient, even though i don't feel submissive.

The comment button is right down, there. First line beneath the post...right? Feel free!

What is Appropriate...

I know I can't speak for everyone here, but I doubt any of us would cane a paraplegic submissive for not jumping up as we enter the room. What about paddling a slavish amputee for not playing a complete piece from Bach?

The point is that, though slaves live in a harsh world of steep expectations and steeper punishments for failure , a place where excuses only serve to exacerbate said punishments, there are realistic limitations that have to be accounted for.

I'm sure we've heard it all before, and in many cases, may have been the ones saying it. There is no excuse for disobedience or bad behavior. But can that always be said to be true? Are there really no allowances to be had for someone letting their emotions get out of whack? The above examples are pretty extreme but do, I hope, make the point.

Now, what about a less severe example? What about a slave that is emotionally, physically, and/or mentally exhausted that succumbs to their poor mood? What about a slave that is ill or suffering from some chronic issue? Should they be subjected to punishments for poor behavior?

In a very strict sense, yes I suppose they should but I am personally inclined to be more understanding when the reason for the behavior is valid. That is, providing that the slave recognizes their fault and apologizes appropriately. I will not tolerate a slave that tries to justify their very poor behavior.

I know a Master doesn't need a reason to punish or beat their slave. Sometimes we just want to see a red ass and hear some tearful sobbing. However, I do feel that if a Master declares that the slave is being punished for a reason, that reason had better be legitimate and sound. Bullshit punishments, like the paraplegic that fails to rise only serves, in my opinion, to agitate the slave and undermine the Master...

Reading the Signs...

Body-language is an important facet in our lives, whether it be business dealings or romantic relations. In our world of BDSM the importance of body language greatly increases. When disciplining or just scening with my slave, her reactions tell me so much more than her conscious blather ever could. When she is screaming "NO NO NO" but her body melts into the torment I know that she needs and craves it despite her begging and pleading.

As a training tool, being able to read the physical signs of a submissive or slave can be crucial. How they react to bondage, beatings, labor, etc provides invaluable insight into the submissive as a person and provides something of a road map for further development and training. These indicators also bring to light the slave's limits which could be, and in my opinion need to be, expressed and expanded through further training.

Taking the slave passed the point of what they think they can do or manage is one of the great pleasures of owning a slave. Doing so, though, means that the Dominant needs to be able to read the slave's reactions to know where the line is. Where pushing up to or just passed the line can be an absolutely incredible experience for both the Dominant and submissive, shoving well passed the line can be extremely detrimental or even damaging to the slave and the relationship.

As an aspect of control, pushing the slave is very important; enforcing the realization of their helplessness as property. If the slave has the ability to end a scene or stop the Dominant then the slave has some control over not just the situation, but the relationship as well. Thus, O/p and M/s relationships generally, but not in all cases, do away with the institution of safewords. Of course, the absence of safewords only exaggerates the importance of being able to accurately read the slave's body-language and reactions.

This kind of familiarity takes some time to develop, which is why I feel it is unwise to do away with safewords too soon in a relationship and why I feel there are such strong feelings in some people regarding their importance. However, experienced players within the community can usually push a submissive they just met right to the very edge of their limits, due largely to the wealth of experience and familiarity with reading these signs in general.

Knowing how to read the body-language and reactions of a slave is one of the more important aspects of owning a slave and bringing them to their full potential of servitude. More importantly, it is vital in truly knowing the slave, inside and out...

Kinking up the holiday...

Master had this idea that we needed holiday themed kinky photos (not that i disagree - i love taking photos!) so He swung by the local superstore for a few props.

Thinking, of course that a candy cane is half ready to be kinked already, He sought a large candy cane and a few other items. The largest candy cane he could find, was of course, one of those plastic numbers with lights inside to be used as holiday pathway lights. We stripped out the lights and took the soonest opportunity to prep. A few tweaks, and we were ready to get started!

Initially, Master used one of His regular canes to get some nice marks on my hind end and started snapping pictures. i'm not sure how it came to it, but it was probably me being a smart-ass, but He whopped me one with the plastic candy cane. He liked it so much (and i liked it a bit too) so He went ahead and kept whopping. Turns out it leaves marks as nice as the other canes we have. Though, shortly after we completed our early holiday fun, they had faded to almost nil. i barely mark! Ridiculous!

However, until it breaks (hopefully not) the candy cane is part of the regular toy collection...apparently a part of Christmas will stick with us long after the holidays...

So... We had some pre-Christmas fun, and took photos, and hopefully a few of those will pop up over on FetLife. And maybe one might show up here, too... Who knows?

We have a few posts scheduled to pop up over the holidays, and another video blog coming up soon (what did you all think of the first one?) and meanwhile, we hope you all enjoy your holiday season, however you celebrate!

RDR...Now with Video!

As promised, we've gotten ourselves moving with the videoblog additions to Roles Defining Rules. If you'd like to watch them at the source, visit http://rolesdefiningrules.blip.tv.

Our first post is my re-introduction. Without further ado:

Those Twenty

Master last blogged about a punishment that i earned myself. Twenty cane strokes, delivered in order earned, for the type of each of infraction. The hardest part about the punishment was the realization, before He even told me what the punishment would be, was that i had really earned it. It was a case of some of the worst behavior in the last few years.

Master told me that i didn't have to blog about the why of the punishment, but i feel that it is important to how i received the punishment, so i am going to go ahead and share at least the basics of it.

In the simplest terms, i rose above the level of property, of slave. i claimed property, i repeatedly told Master what He should be doing, not in the form of a recommendation, but as an order. i let my exhaustion, stress and frustrations run away with me and take me above my station. Master has been extraordinarily understanding and helpful throughout all the stress and lack of sleep over the past few weeks, but even as i was breaking every rule He had already bent for me, i realized it. And even though i realized it, i kept pushing until i had fractured every aspect of the rules.

i had an evening to ponder the actions, knowing that a punishment would be coming (but not knowing what it would be) and that i earned exactly everything it would be. i was so frustrated, because i know that i can abide by the rules we've agreed on to define our relationship and i was feeling that i wasn't living up to the values i want in our relationship. While i was alone, i considered all of that, and even briefly, considered begging to be released because i wasn't sure i could find a way to come back to be at peace with myself as His property. As i considered that, however, i realized that if i did ask, i would be denying my responsibility, the responsibility to behave that i had already agreed to, already chose. And there would never, ever be a way back to wearing His collar.

When Master and i talked, after i had realized that i must own my mistakes that evening, and after He told me how the twenty cane strokes would break down, i didn't think i could make it through. Fear consumed me until the time and opportunity came.

When it did, Master hobbled me with the wonderfully heavy leather hobble, and the strokes came down. Because i'd earned them, and i knew it, i did my best to take them with as much composure and grace as i could. i swear, i thought that the skin split with every stroke. i thought that i really would forget how to breathe in that searing pain.

And that is how i remember it. Hobbled and bound to the bed, trying to have that elusive grace Master always asks me to demonstrate, terrified that the skin on my ass and thighs was going to split and that i'd forget how to breathe. i barely remember hearing His voice during, though i am sure He talked to me the whole time. i was so trapped in the moment, in the pain, that nothing else from those moments is as clear.

It wasn't just the punishment that brought me back to center, to satisfaction with the choice i made to be His slave... But it burned the realization that i needed to own the responsibility of my behavior, that the choice i made to be property, slave, was one of the best choices i could have made for myself. i find happiness inside this relationship, and i want it as much as i need it, exactly as it is. And that brief consideration of begging for release made me realize that i really have everything i need and most of what i want. Though it was unfortunate, going so far off track allowed me to realize that, and the punishment and extra thinking brought me back to center, to be satisfied with what i have with Master. And reminded me that if i felt something was missing, all i have to do is ask.

It is easier to ask before then to beg forgiveness and correction later.

Twenty Strokes...

So, my darling slave girl earned herself a nice steep punishment over the weekend. How and why we may cover later. However, the punishment called for twenty cane strokes which I administered earlier tonight.

The way that I handle punishments currently, given the severe deficit in time, is to cuff her hands and feet together respectively and bind them to the bed stretching her out.I place a large, mouth stuffing gag we got from Sub-shop to ensure that her screaming won't wake the child... or the neighbors. So presented, I tell her how many she has earned and why. For tonight's punishment, they were broken down into groups of four or five at a time with a short break for her to regain her composure in between.

I have to say that I am quite impressed with my little slave, she managed to remain composed for the majority of the caning, and even the moments she lost control and flopped about madly against the unyielding bonds were pleasing to this sadistic heart. Though, she did surprise me about three quarters of the way through when she managed to pull one foot loose of our very heavy and secure hobble. Never underestimate the strength of a woman in the throws of blissful agony, or just unbearable pain. I managed a few quick snapshots of the results of the caning about half way through that I will post on my Fetlife profile.

Sadly, as if on cue, as the last stoke fell upon her quivering backside our darling son began crying from the other room. I was unable to get the full result on camera and my planned tender aftercare was instantly reduced to undoing her bonds, ordering her to cuddle up on the floor to wait for me, and to rush out as she tearfully thanked me for punishing her. Such is the life of parent. Oh god... I'm a parent for life! Talk about blissful agony...

Updates...

Hello everyone. Just a quick note to say that I hoping to have the first of my slave's video entries up in the next two weeks or so. Just waiting patiently for the semester to end so we can have the time to overcome a few technical issues. Also hoping to have my first audio entry up very soon. Happy holidays...

winter...break!

Recently, Master talked about how hard it is for Him to share me with anything. How He works to be patient when the moment requires Him to be so. Which is something i admire in Him. And fear, too. There is something funny about the expression on a dominant's face when they are waiting...even patiently.

While i'm still not a hundred percent sure that being back in college is the right thing for us (i was deliriously happy when i didn't have to go anywhere), but it's what we're doing now. And Master has been amazing. Helping me find the time to get the work done and yanking me away from it often enough that i don't loose sight of the fact that He always comes first. (Oh, yes, we could go round and round about our kiddo being first, but i think i've done a good job balancing our son's needs with Master's wants.)

The hardest part about not being a stay at home type anymore is that i so badly just want to focus on nothing for a while, but Master tempers that, too. If i'm not getting something accomplished and i have due dates coming up, He's standing there prodding me to work. If i'm stressing about due dates and He realizes i'm winding myself up for no reason, He yanks me away from it.

Yes, we find some time for each other between His work, my college and our precocious child. Not as much as we'd like, but someday, that will change. He finds just enough time to remind me that everything i do is something He allows me to do, and that i'm not doing it for myself...but for Him.

Thankfully, my semester ends this Friday, leaving me over a month of time to catch up on chores, and spend ridiculous amounts of time sleeping in or not sleeping at all. And by not sleeping at all, i mean my Master probably won't be either.

WhooHoo!

Drop What You're Doing...

Drop what you are doing and run, don't walk, to FetLife. They are having a drawing for some exceedingly nice presents from the Kinky Santa. Being naughty is a plus! Enter right away for your chance to win one of 218 presents totaling over $25,000.

Not a member of Fetlife? Then what are you waiting for? Sign up, become a member (it's completely free and totally awesome), drop by and check out a few of my photos while you are at it *wink*, and enter this drawing today!

The Nature of Sharring that which is Precious...

Sharing. It's something that parents try to instill in their children from a young age. The virtues of sharing and being generous with what you have fill many tales and parables. And yet... Sharing that which is most precious is such a challenge.

As many of you may have read elsewhere, my slave has returned to school. A full load of course work coupled with our lovely, precocious child has very effectively eaten up most of the time that I get with my pet.

A few years ago she was a full time career woman, working in an office, and dressed in professional/casual attire. At the end of her day, she would come home to strip down and fall to her knees as the carnal slave she is. I enjoyed this secret double life to some extent. However the stresses of the day often got in the way of her sliding easily back into the mindset of being a collared beast.

Then came the day when our beautiful baby came into the picture. Suddenly my career slave found herself a full time mother. Quite the shift in lifestyle as you can probably imagine, or know from personal experience. A mommy slave. With this miracle came a whole new set of difficulties and challenges to our dynamic. First of all, the physical recovery of having a child cut from one's belly. It takes a long time for things to heal well enough to pound the hell out of a cunt, one way or another. Then the complete loss of time that goes into the care of an infant. All of these can be expected and therefore considered and even planned around.

But then came something that was completely unexpected, at least for me at that point. It was what I refer to as the Mommy Factor. Suddenly my sweet little obedient slave who barks, laps up piss, and drinks cum was dictating to me the appropriateness of things I wanted her to do. This became a very annoying and regular hindrance that was eventually dispelled.

Now we have this complete drain on our time to deal with. As with all college classes the course work starts to pile up at the end of the semester and my darling pet is under the gun this week. We haven't had a chance to take advantage of the normal narrow windows of opportunity that we get during our child's nap times and bed times. Even the off handed mention of needing a quick blow job is met with rolling eyes and a flurry typing.

Now I am a dominant that believes in bettering one's property. Whether that be through the pursuit of Yoga, belly dancing, martial arts, continued education, whatever. I believe that she should be at her best for me and that her accomplishments and achievements reflect on me as her Master. As a result if I have to share her with the world and allow that small bit of time I have to enjoy her to be eaten away that much more, then so be it. It's not easy, but then, as we always say around here, If it were easy, we wouldn't want it. But good gods am I looking forward to her winter break...

past vs. present

Time. Slips away too fast. And there's precious little of it to be had.

The other night, Master and i had the good fortune to enjoy a bit of time together and Master did a really fantastic job with some bondage. It was lovely, the ropes holding me tight, keeping my arms folded behind my back... Inescapable. As difficult as it is for me to get into the headspace to enjoy being bound by rope, it's important that we do so. When we don't have the chance to play with rope, i tend to loose track of where i am, and how helpless i really am, how helpless i want to be.

The bondage was delicious, and Master was sorry that He hadn't thought to grab His camera.

The sad thing was when we were finished, there wasn't really time for us to spend together, snuggly in our roles, reassured by the fantastic bondage, sadism, masochism and sex. We had to go right back to regular life.

As i think about it now, i realize that even though Master and i have had BDSM incorporated into our lives for a third of our lives and all of our time together, i have always had difficulty handling jumping back into the "normal." Yes, our roles are part of our normal, but i want that connected closeness of Master and slave, i want that to last for at least a few moments before the "mundane" things claim their share of time. Post-scene, i want to just bask together in the enjoyment of it, the bliss of numbed limbs and stinging parts, the agony of over-stimulation, the delight of the carnal beings within us.

The day after, i was off. i was short, i was disinclined to do exactly as He asked me to do. Every step was a fight. i didn't want to disappoint Him, cause Him frustration. But i kept doing it. i'd apologize immediately, recognizing the potential trouble i was building up. When He told me that "i don't mean to cause you frustration" was beginning to loose its meaning, i completely went off the deep end. i snapped, i yelled, i threw dishes around in the sink. And argued more. All things He's told me i need to control better.

i blamed being tired, having a sore throat. Blamed a bout of insomnia. Being angry about being sick. He knew that wasn't all of it. He knew it and i didn't. Several hours after the outburst, i recognized that it was a selfish little desire that felt neglected rearing its' ugly head.

i want that closeness. i want Him to be all mine for just a few moments, to feel His arms around what belongs to Him every second of every day.

But this is another thing i am going to have to learn to control better, because that want isn't going to be satisfied every time. And it can't get in the way of the present moment.